Archimal

Fapstronaut, Male, 41

NoFap Defender

I've been doing well with building habits. Half Goggin-style kicking my own ass, half Peterson-style understanding and forgiving myself. Apr 24, 2020

Archimal was last seen:: Apr 24, 2020

1. Deleted Account
  Still... Missing you.. And worrying about you... *sigh*
  
  Jun 23, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, Zeezee and | Nico | like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    I hope wherever you are.. You are alright..
    
    Jul 14, 2020
  3. Deleted Account
    Passing by again... Sending good wishes and vibes to your direction... :)
    
    Dec 1, 2020
2. Deleted Account
  Missing you and worried too...
  
  May 25, 2020
  1. Zeezee, Coffee Candy, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Are you alright?
    
    May 25, 2020
    
    Zeezee, Coffee Candy, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
3. Deleted Account
  Hi.. You are gone suddenly.. Hope you are alright.. :)
  
  May 12, 2020
  1. Zeezee, Coffee Candy, ZaynKnight and 5 others like this.
4. Deleted Account
  Thanks for the follow Archimal! Is your avatar from The Witcher? :)
  
  Apr 24, 2020
  1. Archimal, fg4795, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 3 others like this.
  2. Archimal
    Yep it sure is! A very stoic character, that Geralt, and it's form the land of my roots: Poland.
    
    Apr 25, 2020
    
    ....... and Deleted Account like this.
5. Archimal
  I've been doing well with building habits. Half Goggin-style kicking my own ass, half Peterson-style understanding and forgiving myself.
  
  Apr 24, 2020
  1. fg4795, ......., Deleted Account and 3 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    David Goggins is an inspiration for me, and Peterson the father I wish I had. It's crazy how people you don't even know in person can teach you so many things.
    
    Apr 24, 2020
    
    fg4795, Fenris the Dread Wolf, ....... and 2 others like this.
  3. Archimal
    You're absolutely right |DEKU|. Peterson got me to finally pay attention to the wrong I was doing but to also forgive my past failures.
    Goggins showed me that my mistakes no longer have an excuse and to 'stay hard'.
    
    Apr 24, 2020
    
    fg4795, Fenris the Dread Wolf, ....... and 2 others like this.
6. Archimal
  I've never before embraced pain like this. I see it as positive, as a sign that I've accomplished things - a new mindset. A good step #1step
  
  Apr 22, 2020
  1. !!Ranger!!, Deleted Account, ....... and 2 others like this.
7. Archimal
  Life is a mess and you're a disaster so roll up your sleeves to become your own master. (#1step)
  
  Apr 18, 2020
  1. ......., eevahnits, Deleted Account and 3 others like this.
8. Archimal
  Choosing to wade into the pool of past pain might be the best way for me to cleanse myself of it. Forgiving myself comes next. (#1step)
  
  Apr 16, 2020
  1. fg4795, Leashed4good, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
9. Archimal
  Second day of a sleep routine to make sure I get rested. It was a great morning and day but uncontrolled emotions erupted. Better now. Day 9
  
  Apr 3, 2020
  1. ......., Leashed4good, fg4795 and 3 others like this.
10. Archimal
  Sleep eludes me and it’s causing me a lot of problems. Ikm going to focus on fixing that since it seems avoiding vices is getting easier now
  
  Apr 2, 2020
  1. ......., Leader of ME, Deleted Account and 1 other person like this.
11. Archimal
  Wow it's been a week already. New record so far. Strangely I haven't had any urges whatsoever which means I need to be even more vigilant.
  
  Apr 1, 2020
  1. ......., Leashed4good, fg4795 and 3 others like this.
12. Archimal
  Finally dealing with past issues (sometimes unsuccessfully) means things can be harder than they should be. Focusing on myself helps
  
  Mar 31, 2020
  1. ......., Leashed4good, | Nico | and 3 others like this.
  2. zeusmx
    It’s difficult but it is a huge step. Glad to know you’re intended to solve your issues. All my support to you.
    
    Mar 31, 2020
    
    ......., Archimal, Deleted Account and 3 others like this.
13. Archimal
  Four days away from triggering things has helped. Focusing on the three important things; intention, script, metascript. One step at a time.
  
  Mar 29, 2020
  1. ......., Meisterkatze, Symbol of Peace and 4 others like this.
14. Archimal
  Lethargy has hit hard and underlying urges from a full detox need to be dealt with before I can truly cut out PMO. It’s tough. Relapse again
  
  Mar 25, 2020
  1. ......., Meisterkatze, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
15. Archimal
  I don’t know how but it’s working and I’m grateful. Still staying vigilant and focusing on immersion into improvement and routines every day
  
  Mar 23, 2020
  1. ......., Deleted Account, Deleted Account and 3 others like this.
16. Archimal
  I noticed I’m in a dangerous time of detox right now. The idea of, “You’re doing great! You deserve a break so go PMO as a reward!” is bad.
  
  Mar 23, 2020
  1. ......., fg4795, Leashed4good and 3 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    I also had this... then i remind myself to understand, pmo is not a reward, but rather self sabotage. After every relapse same conclusion: it looked tempting on the surface, but underneith it, there is only negatives
    
    Mar 23, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, fg4795, Leashed4good and 1 other person like this.
17. Archimal
  I really want to cheat right now. I want to open a tab and only look. Then end up starting again. Then lie. I won't betray myself. No. 1step
  
  Mar 22, 2020
  1. ......., Deleted Account, fg4795 and 1 other person like this.
  2. ZaynKnight
    I wont betray myself either.
    
    May 13, 2020
18. Deleted Account
  Thanks for following me :)
  
  Mar 21, 2020
  1. ......., Leashed4good, Coffee Candy and 2 others like this.
19. Archimal
  A better day today. Preventing relapse, organizing journals and creating workspace at home. Small steps are better than no steps and entropy
  
  Mar 19, 2020
  1. ......., Deleted Account, Mr. Crab and 3 others like this.
  2. Mr. Crab
    This is true. Thank you
    
    Mar 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, Archimal, fg4795 and 1 other person like this.
20. Archimal
  I found out a relapse makes me depressed and very lost in daydreams the day after. Another reason to stay strong and avoid it.
  
  Mar 18, 2020
  1. Deleted Account, Mr. Crab, fg4795 and 5 others like this.
  2. palindromo
    me too !
    
    Mar 18, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, Archimal, fg4795 and 2 others like this.
  3. zeusmx
    That happens to me too. It takes me some days to get me back.
    
    Mar 18, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, Archimal, fg4795 and 2 others like this.
  4. Deleted Account
    Keep stronng my friend
    
    Mar 19, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, Deleted Account, Archimal and 1 other person like this.
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About

Gender:

Male

Birthday:

Dec 24, 1982 (Age: 41)

Journal Thread Link:

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More than a decade of running from and suppressing my pain has caused me to waste the best years of my life and leave the pain to build and grow.
At the moment I'm working on it with a full detox which I plan to make permanent abstention. Every day I wake to the pain which is now exponential compared to back then. Every day is a battle not to relapse in any way to dull the pain. Every day is a challenge to learn from the pain and incorporate it into myself.
I've made steps in the right direction. They've been the most painful steps of my life. Finally, I welcome them. My old companion pain has been with me long enough and it's time we work out our differences and take our separate ways.
We'll see each other again from time to time, there's no doubt. For now, I have a lot to discuss with my close companion pain. A lot to work out.
I think part of this is to also help others with insights I've gleamed in my time. If I can't save myself then maybe I can save another.

An important personal meme to myself that means everything to me: 1step
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