Been sex chatting, which led me into looking at leaked photos of a celebrity just now (for like a minute). One thing can lead to the next.
But yeah, not trying to down play it. But also need to know what is acceptable and what isn't. It used to be fapping which was unacceptable. I am just not convinced lately and see no harm and the chatting and things. Though I know it's probably not good....:/
To clarify, I do see harm with fapping, and sometimes even with the chatting. I just get lonely and like the attention. I just hate beating myself up over it.
its basically like a just dont thing.. just avoid talking to women, delete the apps you sext on..talk more to the same gender.
Thank you my friend. I’m doing the best I can. Fighting a battle worth fighting. Prayers are appreciated. You hang in there too.
I need to be done, but these behaviors feel out of hand. Realizing how powerless I am and how much I need to let go. And surrender.
I haven't been looking at "porn", but in a way I guess I have. And it's making me more likely and greater urges to go look at porn. I know I'm pushing it lately, it's something hard to escape from. Especially since I have not much experience in this realm, and have had a couple people who've wanted to engage in conversations and photos with me. It's fun, but in actuality it's all PMO.
I feel a bit out of control with it lately, like I don't have a strong enough desire to stop. I like the validation, I like the conversation, I like what I can imagine, and sometimes see. Thanks for hearing me out.
Urges were the craziest they've been in a while. Shooting for a productive night, and enjoying some nice weather.
Is it me or do some people seem a little too excited about getting validation from women on here? Lol. No hate, just an observation.
It's kinda awkward seeing my 0 day streak. I reset today. Though I realize how far I've come and that creates gratefulness for me.
Met with a leader from a SAA group today, who is like a mentor/sponsor for me. That was really helpful to share my concerns and what is on my mind.
My reset didn't involve pornography but I started "M" in my car, just through my pants, (still wrong, I know), as a girl was bending over vacuuming in tights. I kept staring and I stopped, "M" for about 15 seconds and then the "O" happened. Shouldn't have put myself in the situation in the first place.
So from now on, going to be much more aware of my thoughts. I believe overconfidence let me to this point. I had many days I went to vacuum out my care, and the "O" was bound to happen eventually.
Very true. There's a lot of aspects I've gotten better at such as avoiding pornography. Does this deserve a reset in your oppinion?
I think so, if it gave you that dopamine release, then yeah it's a relapse. It's up to you, tho. If you feel like you did before, then you might be ok. If so, oh well. Happens to a lot of us. :)
I've decided I'm not going to count this as a relapse. With the situation and how I don't feel like it was a total relapse, I'm going to carry on with my streak and hopefully avoid trying to listen more than I should have next time.
I hate the feeling like I'm missing out. It seems like a constant theme in my life through this addiction.
So I keep myself very busy. But sometimes I feel like I'm missing what I'm supposed to be doing. Or some girl I'm supposed to meet.
I got some great things going for me in life, and I sit here, wasting my energy on whether I should ruin everything by acting out.
