Still in the red. I binged yesterday for the longest time in 5 months. I came home yesterday from class and the first thing I did was to open my laptop and start watching porn. I remember looking at the time. It was 6:43 pm. When I finished when all was said and done it was 1:19 am. My goodness! I cannot even account for that time. Not even the world cup soccer matches could get me out of my trance and I love soccer so much. It feels eerily similar to when I was completely lost in porn last year. I would lose whole days to porn. This morning I woke up at 8 am. I have not woken up at that time for a long time on a weekday. I just didn't want to get out of bed. Somehow I did. As I write this, I am in the university library sitting quietly wondering what my next move is. I feel really tired and beat down. Excess ejaculation really takes a lot from a man. All I can do now is practice abstinence for this day. Just this day and nothing else. No grand master plans for 365 days of nofap. The good thing is that I keep a log of each day I am on nofap on a spreadsheet. While my counter goes back to zero, my spread sheet shows I am still winning and by a far margin. I can still look at my spread sheet and see that I have made major improvements from month to month in various areas. Some triggers don't affect me anymore as they used to. The lesson I have learned out of the latest ordeal is that my view of money is not really balanced. It creates unnecessary anxiety. I need to reevaluate my relationship with it.
Thanks for the vital encouragement! It feels like a total disaster but I have not lost all hope. I am still here. I just need to get through this day PMO free.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yeah, the pursuit of money is a cause of a lot of our anxieties in this life. I did over stretch myself due to greed to be honest. I have myself to blame. No one else. It is hard not to over think. Right now it is impossible. However, with time I know I will be okay as long as I stop binging from this day hence forth.
This is very encouraging. I appreciate that you have reminded me the role suffering plays in building one's character to take on even greater responsibility in life. I cannot lose sight of that. Suffering is not pleasurable but if I want to get better it is inevitable.
I like this. Indeed, I am worrying about trivial things to be honest. When I look around, there is so much to be grateful for, even just this moment's breath. Thanks!
There are 8760 hours in a year I've completed 2384 hours sex free that's an amazing feat that's 97 days out of 120 180 275 and 365 booyah when God decides and she chooses
The best thing I can do right now to make it past day 4 is get from work to gym. I'm feeling apprehensive as I know how sly my subconscious can be. Here's hoping for a victory.
Exactly right - keep that gym bag packed and ready to just grab and go. As soon as you get home, think ahead and immediately re-pack some clean stuff. Think of it as your parachute when you're flying solo - it could save your life. Stay alive today and get stronger for tomorrow.