Just coinciding with my personal best from tomorrow I will be setting new record everyday for me awesome feeling Day 55
Almost 30 full days without PMO and almost no fantasizing. I'm experiencing the worst flatline i ever had! Lots of what i call junk thoughts. Though i improved a lot since. This is not my first time reaching 30 but it's gonna be the first time I reach 365.
Idk what to do anymore man I feel like I'm in a flatline like I have no sexual desire or energy at all after my recent relapse which was yesterday. And I remember while I was sleeping I remember saying in my head I like girls I will only like girls and that was over and over but if felt as if I was arguing with someone because I had anxiety I began to clench my jaw and my heart rate was up..I cant even draw without wondering if I am sexually attracted to my character
106 days. I haven’t been posting regularly. I can’t believe I haven’t masturbated or had an orgasm in that length of time. Absolutely crazy. I’ve recently bought my first guitar and am learning how to play it. I’ve also bought weights and lift them several times a week. Currently reading the first book in the mistborn series. Basically I’m filling my time with new worthwhile habits. I’m changing my life and that feels good and gives me hope for the future.
This website explains the differences between hocd and being gay, and suggests treatment options if you actually are hocd: https://centerforanxietydisorders.com/treatment-programs/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/hocd/ I would suggest you see a professional counsellor or therapist who can help you sort it out because it could save you a lot of time and grief attempting to do it on your own.
Take it one day at a time. ' Anyone can fight the battle of just one day'. If you give up you're guaranteed to regret it. If you hang with it one day at a time the energy will return and you will have won a major battle and in the process grown more into the person you want to be. Don't give up brother, stay in the game.