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Distance Relationship

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by onemoretry, Nov 6, 2017.

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  1. Nov 6, 2017 #1
    onemoretry

    onemoretry Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,

    I have a problem. Now I have just finished my 4th Day. It was hard. The urge was at peak during the night. I went for a run before going to bed. That helped a little bit to reduce the urge. it was though so difficult to get up and change my clothes and go out.

    What makes urge high is that I'm in a distance relationship. when I talk to my partner the urge becomes higher and higher. What do you think should I do?
    And when we meet, would having sex affects the whole process?? We meet every 4-6 months.

    Thank you!
     
    onemoretry, Nov 6, 2017
    onemoretry, Nov 6, 2017
    #1
  2. Nov 6, 2017 #2
    gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    Wow that's a long time between seeing each other!

    I suppose you need to decide on your own if that suits you. Are you with her because you love her, or because you are afraid to be on your own?

    If it's the first then i think you or her need to relocate. I personally don't believe you can have a relationship based on so little contact.

    If it's the second then you need to finish this relationship now! Move on and find someone nearer
     
    gingeralan, Nov 6, 2017
    gingeralan, Nov 6, 2017
    #2
  3. Nov 6, 2017 #3
    gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    Just reread the last part. You mean you consider yourself in a relationship with this woman who you only see 2 or 3 times a year and at the moment you aren't having sex when you meet up? If you are not having sex, then you are not on the same place as her. perhaps she is using you for cheap holiday accommodation or something. You need to break this off and find someone better for you.
     
    gingeralan, Nov 6, 2017
    gingeralan, Nov 6, 2017
    #3
  4. Nov 7, 2017 #4
    Markant

    Markant Fapstronaut

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    I agree with gingeralan that it is hard to keep a relationship going with this little contact but it isn't impossible and I wouldn't do anything without analysing your individual situation first. I am in a long distance relationship myself and it works great for us but that is because we know how long we have to do the long distance relationship and when we will see each other.

    Nothing wrong with looking at your situation though and think about wether it is what you really want as gingeralan said. Are you two on the same page? Does she know how you feel about your relationship?

    If you have sex with your partner, monitor your thoughts. Are you with her or are you in some way thinking about porn, projecting your fantasies onto her and having to think about porn to come?
    Also you need to talk to hear about it. If you just don't want to have sex she might think that it is because of her and that might scare her of.
     
    Markant, Nov 7, 2017
    Markant, Nov 7, 2017
    #4
    onemoretry likes this.
  5. Nov 7, 2017 #5
    onemoretry

    onemoretry Fapstronaut

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    thank you for your reply! I will try to clear some points which I think aren't clear in the original post.

    We have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and we have sex of course when we meet. We will settle at some point. (Hopefully one and half year from now). My problem isn't actually being with her or not because she loves me and I love her as well and we have plans. I mean ee aren't together because I'm afraid to be alone, because I'm not. so that's not the problem.

    My problem is that I'm afraid to masturbate after we skype for example and how to reduce the urge at that moment. And my question is if having sex with her when we meet affects the NoFap process.

    I hope now everything is more clear :)

    Thank you
     
    onemoretry, Nov 7, 2017
    onemoretry, Nov 7, 2017
    #5
  6. Nov 7, 2017 #6
    onemoretry

    onemoretry Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for replying,
    I think my post wasn't clear enough. I replied to gingeralan to explain my point exactly. It would be great if you could have a look to my reply.

    As I said in my reply to gingeralan. It's a matter of time till we live together (hopefully one and half year from now). We have been in a relationship for almost two years now and she is the most beautiful thing in my life. I love her and she loves me and we are doing pretty good. My question is when we skype for example, my urge get higher you know. That's the problem. If she is here and we talk and my urge get higher, then we will have sex, and it would be great! the problem is that she is not here. So maybe after we finish our call I may masturbate.

    that's the point. and then when we meet, would having sex with her affects the NoFap process?! for example we meet and stay together for a week. During this week we have sex. But then we she leaves. Would I feel like i need to masturbate. or would it be easy to go back to the NoFap process.

    i hope i cleared everything :)
     
    onemoretry, Nov 7, 2017
    onemoretry, Nov 7, 2017
    #6
    Markant likes this.
  7. Nov 7, 2017 #7
    Markant

    Markant Fapstronaut

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    As I mentioned before, the whole sex thing depends on every person. You really have to check for yourself while having sex what your intentions are and what you think about. Do you fantasize about porn, are just using her for your own lust or are you fully with her...

    I don't think the whole sex part is the problem, it is more the fact that you want to masturbate after most skype calls where you just talked. Time together isn't always ending up in sex and I think you should learn how to cope with these urges.
     
    Markant, Nov 7, 2017
    Markant, Nov 7, 2017
    #7
    onemoretry likes this.

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