Side effects of stopping camming

Seems like a moral crisis to me brother.
Let me be a bit frank here (not rude so don't bite my head off bro ):
Lack of attraction and emotional gratification from your partner isn't her fault- at least not in this case. It's you who trained yourself to fantasise about camming and models, so the error here is yours alone. I understand that spouses can be a real pain from time to time (to time) but that's a sacrifice every man and woman makes in a marriage. She bound herself just as tight when she married you, but you're the one wishing for a ticket out. And u got kids too!
But that's all still fine bro. It's rather awesome that you're admitting all this! The solution is simple ( but not easy ):
Toss away your old approach. Give up that mentality. Distract yourself. Pray (if u believe on god). Bond with ur fam. Just force out that old side and accept your current life!
Good luck brother. It's a tough journey ahead but that'll make it all the more worthwhile!

 

I've experienced something similar, I noticed it increased when I would fantasize, to the point of frustration and anger. I realized that if I stop fantasizing I can focus on the real good things around me and I get to enjoy my girlfriend...

 

Flirt and "date" your wife. Focus on her.

 

i have problems with camming too and i had it for years...it makes me feel bad cause i used it to not going to prostitutes...but i have realized that althought there is nothing phisical and it's all virtual it's still cheating on my wife... i have just started this journey and my wife knows all my old bad habits and i am so lucky i am still with her... i have just started so i know i will have to face difficult times but all i want is to save my marriage...if you want the same i think you should get focused on it...good luck man

 

My own experience with this addiction is that - among many other things - it acts as a substitute for authentic relationship / intimacy. I've seen this in every form my acting out has taken (a list that includes fantasy, porn substitutes, porn, phone sex, cam sex, and chatrooms): The thrill of the unknown, the flirtation, the mystery, the newness, and the (false) sense of connection all make my real relationships pale in comparison. Because of this, I act out more (and fantasize about taking 'another step' in my addiction) - very often with feelings of being justified in doing so because, well, my real relationships pale in comparison!

Well, it's all a mirage! It's all a porn-induced, addiction-enabled illusion. And the solution is simple: Stop acting out. Of course, getting to this point is rarely easy and often involves tremendous grief for the loss of flirtation, newness, (false) connection, and so on.

But we need to extract ourselves from the fantasy world of addiction and clear out our system for a while - then we can look at the real relationships in our lives with clear eyes and discern what might need to happen next.

All the best...

 

Thank you for this, especially also mentioning substitutes/phone. how did you say NO MORE, -AP? claim it in your journal?

 

Have you thought about ways of making things more intimate with the wife? Not even like sexual but romantic? Interesting dates?

Ever read The Five Love Languages? Cupid's Poisoned Arrow?

 

Oh my, @theforce - this has been a long process. It has been a long process and one that continues into today. As a result, please allow me to alter your inquiry a bit: 'How do I say no more?'

Here are some random reflections, all based - please remember - on my own experience. Your situation may prove much different than my own:

1. Settle in for the long haul - I started in recovery eight years ago. At that time, I expected to be cured in six months. Not quite the way it's turned out. This addiction is deeply-seeded in my being and has taken a very long time to establish it's current form. With this in mind, a long haul approach has proven essential.

2. Chip away at one thing at a time - My first impulse upon entering recovery was to be done with all of it! Every manifestation of addiction was banished - which proved overwhelming and disastrous. A far more constructive approach for me was one thing at a time. I started with the worst and worked from there. No chatrooms. Then no phone lines. Then no camrooms. Then...

3. Expect your understanding of your addiction to shift - When I started, to provide a couple of examples, I had no idea I was addicted to porn substitutes and sexual fantasy. Similarly, I had not idea I was using addiction as a cover / coping mechanism for a whole raft of personal issues. Which raises the following:

4. Expect your understanding of your self to shift - For me this was quite extreme: As recovery progressed, I remembered a very, very difficult childhood. It sometimes shocks me to admit this, but it's true - I had no idea! Which leads to this:

5. Engage every resource that makes sense - Use NoFap, look for a counsellor, join an in-person recovery group, find a sponsor. Make use of every resource that has resonance for you. For some of us, the first on this list will be enough. For myself, a much more varied tapestry has been necessary.

6. Be patient and kind and understanding toward yourself - And best of luck...

 

1. Settle in for the long haul -Thats is my goal, after 90 days to do 1 year and make it lifelong.

2. Chip away at one thing at a time - My next step starting tomorrow is no phone lineS I MAKE THE COMMITMENT OT YOU NOW STARTING TOMORROW NO MORE PHONE LINES OR I HAVE TO RESTART WHICH I DON'T WANT TO DO.

3. Expect your understanding of your addiction to shift - how did you shift sexual fantasy?

4. Expect your understanding of your self to shift - got it, thank you.

5. Engage every resource that makes sense - I am doing that and looking into new healthy habits, connecting to force etc (in my journal).

6. Be patient and kind and understanding toward yourself - THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

 

As has been mentioned it's an illusion, the will o the wisp, Don't follow it or you'll get lost.

 

This is an interesting question, @theforce.

As my recovery has continued, sexual fantasy has simply shifted more or less of its own accord. I consider this reflective of less and less time spent in the mind-twisting world of porn, porn substitutes, chatrooms, and the like. Put another way, I believe that some of my fantasies were 'cranked up' by the above - and now that the above isn't around quite so much, they have more or less vanished.

Also important to note is that with the frequency of masturbation in my life plummeting since coming here, the amount of time spent fantasizing has dropped accordingly. This too has had an impact.

This all said, sexual fantasies do remain part of my life. They continue to pop up from time to time. And sometimes I reach for one as a long ingrained coping / soothing mechanism. In terms of both content and frequency, some of these are really no big deal and some of these I struggle with. Translation: On it goes...

 

Good to know that less time spent there was helpful. Great, thanks!!