So when I joined, I reached 12 days and relapsed. Then I reached 5 days and relapsed yesterday. I'm starting all over again. No more fantasising (Its the hardest thing to avoid). No more "just one more time, then I'll stop). No more dealing with my stresses though masturbation. No more lies. No more dishonesty with everyone and myself. No more crap junk food. No more staying up late. No more pointless internet. No more porno links, stashes or IM apps. No more fucking crap TV. Frustrating...to get so far and then do it to myself again LOL. BUT. I know now I can build on what I've achieved so far. I'm gonna beat this fucking thing. Here I go again. Send me love.
you really gotta stop fantasizing. it's the final step, and will double the effects of NoFap. if you keep fantasizing your brain might never fully recover. stay strong.
Ilander is right. Stop fantasizing. I've gone so far as to include it in my counter. For me, fantasizing is just as harmful as looking at porn. It ALWAYS leads me back to it. If I dwell on a sexual thought, I'm resetting my counter. I know I cant rid myself of those thoughts altogether, but I cannot allow myself to fantasize, and I DEFINITELY cannot allow myself to rationalize. Sounds like you're making big progress in undersatnding and recognizing what it will take for you to quit. Thats fantastic! It means that you're using your stumbling blocks as stepping stones, rather than leaving them there to trip on again. Well done, and good luck on your journey!
Sending you love! I stopped drinking, smoking, and cannabis on the same day in May 2008 and I have not touched them since. Everybody I know has at some point tried to convince me that surely its ok to enjoy the occassional drink but my answer is always the same. Why would I want a drink when I DON'T drink? They think I'm being too hard line. But many of them still drink more than is good for them and are 'blissfully' unwaware of their 'problem'(ignorance IS bilss- until it catches up with you-and it ALWAYS catches up with you!) I've been accused of being 'all or nothing' as if I'm doing something wrong! And they are right...but so am I !!!
jiltedjohn, do you think that a beer or something alcoholic would throw you back into the addiction cycle? How about a cigarette? Since I've never smoked and never been drunk in my whole life, I really don't know but I'm curious.
I'm finding the fantasising incredibly hard to avoid. It's been really tough to avoid it (some very attractive people have entered my life) So I'm reading tonnes of stuff about fantasising all day to help me get through this. Gonna take it one day at a time. Thanks for the love everyone.
Hi EarthDragon, to be honest I think I do but most importantly I made a decision never to smoke or drink again. And just to be clear I was not an alcoholic and I'm neither in denial or being flippant when I say that. At the risk of being really controversial (gulp!)its one of those words like 'God' and 'love' that have been so used and abused over the years they have kind of lost their meaning in the myriad of confusing interpretations (for the 'love' of 'god' what have i just said!!!) I'm not an advocate at all of 12 step programmes as I believe they use words like 'alcoholic' and the frankly ridiculous notion of it being a genetic 'disease' because they are an organisation and keeping people believing that have a disease and that they will always need the 'programme' as they will forever be in recovery keeps the numbers up despite the appalling percentage of people these programmes actually help to recover (despite what the propaganda or 'advocates' will tell you do your own research) Programmes like Rational Recovery make far more sense as they are well, 'rational' but the system outlined in James Prochaskas book Changing for Good is by far my favourite blueprint for change and it works and these and others are finally getting a look in after years of 12 step programmes being the only show in town which has given them a massive, but thoroughly undeserved monopoly. In actual fact far far more people stop without these programmes which is what Prochaskas 'system' is based on and I'm sorry but its ridiculous that doctors refer people who drink to places like AA who then INSTANTLY label their 'newbies' alcoholics which is constantly re-enforced by the 'Hi my names...........and I'm an 'alcoholic'. How convenient!! (And I rarely go to the doctors, is like taking a space ship to a backstreet mechanic!;-)) So basically the number one reason I don't drink or smoke is that they are something I once did. I realised they had become something I couldn't live without and so i decided to stop. I did have several failed attempts, 6 months here and there but rationalised and relapsed but learned from them, got educated and tooled up (particularly with the Changing for good' book) I set my date and I stopped. And Ive stayed stopped for nearly six years and I am not for going back because I don't drink or smoke and I'm just as likely to go punch a stranger in the street but I would never do that because its something I don't do! Really sorry for long (and controversial!!) reply. Its both simple and complex at the same time if you know what I mean?!? So I guess what I'm saying is stop and stay stopped, certainly when it comes to porn. But M&O i guess that's more personal?
Thanks for sharing your experience, I agree. As for me I've never been drunk in my life. I didn't drink any alcohol until I was 22 or something, and I immediately felt dizzy when I did. I didn't like the feeling, so I decided that I'll drink only minimal amounts of alcohol. WHy? Just because. It's the same with cigarette. I just don't do it. I don't have strong reasons, I just decided that I won't do it. It's the same with PMO. I had no symptoms. No ED, no sexual problems, nothing serious really. But I don't want to risk anything, so I decided that I stop. And...that's just it. I though that regular O is a need for the human body, but I'm 4 weeks clean now and I see that it's not true. How do I feel? I'm fine. Sure, I miss a good orgasm, but I hold it for a special occasion. I get boners every now and then, but that's not a problem, I just don't touch myself. Also I'm single, I hadn't had sex since Jun 2012 (I'm not too happy about it, but fuck, who cares) so I'm doing this "hard mode". I'm also in my first streak, so when I reach 90 days I can come back and tell you that it CAN be done. No P, no M, no O for 90 days on the first try. Can't get any harder than that. How about you? How do you feel?
Thanks for that. Similar really. Been single since June and no PMO for last month. Not really found it difficult at all with hindsight probably because I'm so determined. Like yourself I'm going for 90 day no PMO reboot and I WILL do it then i will see about M&O then but P is gone forever for me. Another trick I do is that I visualise it and so in my mind it is already done (that really works for me, if its done in my mind through strong visualisation that doesn't half block any rationalising etc) I've had the odd habitual urge but basically i just welcome it, breathe into it, accept it for what it is and it passes (the whole process takes seconds)I still notice and find women extremely attractive but those 'images' we are all trying to move beyond are getting less and less which I'm pleased about. I haven't had a wet dream which is starting to concern me but it might be my age (46) and I guess it must be a bit different for you younger fellas! Thanks again
Well, the overall testosterone level drops after age 25, so wet dreams don't occur that often after this age. It's rare. I'm 25 and I only had wet dreams 2-3 times in my whole life and the last one was who knows when. So I wouldn't bet on you'll have a wet dream anytime soon, but it's possible...I guess. Anyway, you're doing great!
Back to square one again today LOL. Just had a bit of a slip. What you guys said about fantasising is so true. It's preventing me from achieving better. Xmas was hard, I'm quite lonely at the moment. But I'm even more determined than ever!!! Gonna beat this thing. I had two quite significant moments over Christmas...one regarding my faith, another regarding my future. Here I go again. Gonna kill this beast forever. Happy New Year!
Porn has no value. So, it is helpful to understand that what you are abandoning, rejecting, giving up, walking away from, excommunicating, refusing to listen to, refusing to negotiate with, refusing to speak to, refusing to watch, see, think about, imagine, remember, fantasize about--costs you nothing to give up. You are throwing something away that has absolutely no value. It was a roller coaster ride, sure, but you have to step off the ride, walk out of the park, get in your car, and drive away. Today, it is easy for me not to watch porn, not to want to watch it. I am 5 months porn/PMO free. Tomorrow I may struggle. But, no matter how much I may want to watch it, I never will again. That is a decision I have made. We cannot decide not to want to, but we can decide not to. You have to get to the place where you understand that not indulging is going to be painful, but it is a pain you are willing to endure. There is just no getting around that. I have absolute confidence you can walk away from that ride. Peace, and good luck in your journey.
Thank u William! Thank u Electrifix! U guys are awesome. I'm quite down today, I always hate New Year's Day rofl. I'm trying my best to avoid all fantasies(that's my main problem) I know deep down that my life needs to change. I'm building my strength and pushing through the darkness.
Maybe we should start a new forum: NoCrap.org ... darn - somebody snapped up the domain already: "Noticeably Outraged Citizen for Responsible, Altruistic Politicians " I am on a similae path. For me PMO is not the central problem but maybe the last important piece in my addiction puzzle, so I am with you that these things might even belong together and feed the same daemon and this why I am in the process of giving up a whole range of things. For me they are: - alcohol - mindless TV/youtube consumption and mindless consumption in general - overeating (especially on fatty, starchy food) - PMO - couch potatoing (a too sedentary life style) - etc ... still working on it I would also recommend "Changin for good" it's a great book! cheers NID
