[365-CHALLENGE] THE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 1. First few days are the hardest

 

I want to write my heart out here.
Last week has been a very stressful week in my life. And I relapsed yesterday. Because there was no option I thought. I was at the weakest point in my life.
So there was a girl in my life. I loved her since my childhood. (since I was 10, now I am 18.) I am from a middle-class family and she is a from a rich family. She is very beautiful and is one of the hottest girl of college. She loved me when we were in school. But as she was extremely beautiful, many guys wanted her. And those guys were richer than me, better looking than me. So she left me. But those guys cheated her. So when she got cheated, she was begging to meet me. She said sorry and said that she will never leave me for any reason. And after all this, she ended up leaving me 5 or 6 times for other guys. The truth is I loved her like no one else did. But my parents aren't as rich as her parents are. Her lifestyle is also quite expensive, from branded clothes to parties and all. So why will she be with a guy like me? I am just an average looking skinny guy. The only thing why she comes back to me is the love which I had for her. But how long will she care for that love? if she gets a guy who is rich enough and good looking, why should she stay with me? And I completely understand her.
I faced severe depression in the last 5 years. And that depression was one of the reasons for my porn addiction. A month ago, she again wanted to meet me. She was doing everything she can to meet me. She wanted to meet me because her boyfriend left her. And she was alone and ashamed of what she did to me. After a lot of resisting, I finally met her. And she said that I want to be with you forever and she will be with me her entire life.( she said the same things many times.) I said I need time. But we will be friends until I decide.
These were the things going in my mind:
1. I know I cannot give her physical pleasures. I cum too quickly. My organ has a weakness. I know that it is just 2 or 3 strokes and I will cum. When you love a girl and you know you are not capable of doing anything, it is the worst feeling in the world. I hated myself. I was in depression. Many times she said that she wants to be intimate with me, but I always changed the topic. I knew that other guys had amazing sex with her. And I cannot make her happy by any means. So there was no point in being with her.
2. I have lost a lot of self-worth begging her to talk to me. I got cheated many times. It is the time to stand for my own pride and say no, I thought.
So I told her my decision that I don't want you. And I decided that I will not talk to her. I thought my mind will be clear and I will focus on improving myself. But then I went into severe depression. The thing that I am not good enough for any woman in the world still haunts me. The fact that I want to do lot of things to her but I can't is the worst pain I have. And I am crying as I am writing this. And in addition to that, I am giving my semester exams now. The pressure is even more now. I can't focus. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop feeling worst about myself.
I had an exam today. I couldn't study the day before because of these thoughts were circling in mind. I am a studious guy who always comes in top 3 in class. But it was the first time that I thought I might fail. When I went to sleep, I couldn't sleep. My head was paining and I wanted something that will take me away from the pain. So I masturbated. I thought at least I will be able to sleep after that. But still, I couldn't. I could only sleep for 3 hours. Paper went worse.
I don't know what to do. I am lost...

 

Day 41/365

 

Read

read the three books
THE RATIONAL MALE series

Hey bro , you are young , it seems she us playing you like a fiddle .

I won't be surprised if your depression comes from low slef esteem that isn't helped by been dumped in a regular basis by this chick .

I don't know you or her but you should dump her / stay friends maybe fuck buddies BUT MAKE SURE OTS ON YPUR TERMS otherwise she will keep playing with you like a cat plays with a half dead pigeon .

Women can be evil bitches . Beware . It could be a power trip for her , which is all fine and dandy until it fucks with your mental health ,

Put this behind you and move forward , join a gym , forget this money bullshit , pick up heavy shit and put it down . Simple way to become more alpha ,

Good luck my friend

BE A WARRIOR NOT A CHUMP

 

Day 158/365

 

I can't tell you how much your text meant to me. Thanks for your advice my man.

 

1 day done

 

9/365.

 

7/365

 

Day 37/365
.
Enjoying the feeling of being present with myself physically...

 

Guys, I am edging. What should I do? I keep asking myself why not masturbate? I miss the feeling of fapping a lot.

 

Make a discussion to no longer edge . Then don't edge .

The biggest trouble with edging is a lot if guys think it's not masterbation but IT IS . Simple as that . Once you understand this you can only succeed

 

Read
NO MORE MR NICE GUY
by Dr Robert Glover

 

Day 48/154 (Days Clean Before Return Home)

 

First thing you have to do is quit this addiction before you start any relationship. You won't be ready and strong enough to get in a relationship until you're done with this PMO addiction. One of the major reason why you cum too quickly is because of this. Second is you have to learn your lesson. You're depressed because of her but you keep putting yourself into that hole. You're in genuine love with a women who only cares about money. She doesn't love you, she's addicted to you just to fill her emptiness. She has always chosen a richer guy than you so that mean she doesn't love you. Women are sly, they know how to control a man. You have to be a man once and for all and let her go! God bless!

 

Day 23/365.

Today went quite well. Still didn't get nearly as much work done as I would have liked though, though I did at least do something.

 

Day 104
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." – Walt Disney

 

10 days complete. keeping myself very busy now a days!

 

Day 40/365

 

Yes. You are so right. I am going to come out of this addiction. Thanks for your advice. Really needed it...