Day 22, but guys I'm a little rattled, I almost slipped last night. I had a few drinks and before I knew it was thinking about some old sites, and you know how that goes. What saved me is instead of thinking of the instant gratification of seeking out PMO, I instead thought of the whole inevitable process: Wasting hours binging when I could be sleeping, filling my mind with those warped images, doing the death-grip thing with borderline PIED, ending up around daybreak feeling empty/depressed/frustrated, and then of course having to reset my counter here. Looking at it that way, I just blocked it from happening. But honestly it was a close call. It's weird, if I just have a few beers I'm fine, but something about hard liquor e.g. whisky or a martini etc. seems to really suppress my good judgement and allow my brain to fool me into going back down those old dead-end roads. Last night even 30 days suddenly seemed impossible, not to mention 90 or 365. It was a temporary feeling that passed, but I can't take that chance again. So I think I'll have to cool it with the drinks even though I do like a good scotch now and then. Oh well whatever it takes, right? Let's keep moving forward dudes, day at a time.
Starting again! And I won't ever ever ever give up again. You will see me here every goddamn day. Day 0/365
10/365 - Holding this commitment seems easy this time around. I'm convinced self-awareness is the key. As you set your commitment and seek to make it happen, the experiences you must go through along the way increase your awareness. You learn your own patterns, the tricks you try to play to satisfy your urges, and what happens when you go down various tunnels. The awareness you gain extends your reach beyond what you were capable of before.
I'm double-posting today because I feel like I need to after my close call last nite. Just want to thank you guys for being an inspiration, sharing your struggles and victories here. I almost felt alone last nite but realized I wasn't and that helped me pull through it. Jeez sometimes this really is just hard plain and simple. Keep fighting my bros.
Day 36/100 I am trying to do a few weeks no pmo,because I feel so good when I do this,but have to be complacent with no pm,because my wife keeps drawing out the best of me!!3 times this week.Here's the thing,I have been off work on vacation this week,but damn I need more self control for no pmo!
Its day 52...just days are adding but all I'm internally is left demotivated with zero energy dont know how far i can go...but I'm about to be failed...cant continue this journey any further