What's your reason to start your journey?

I have many reasons that drive me, but I'll share the reason why I started this journey.
Back on 2016, I fell in love with a girl. She was very nice and definitely out of my league. Surprisingly, we got closer and things went very well. Everybody was surprised, especially because she had rejected guys waaaay better than me. Days and months went by, we were chatting almost everyday and things were good. But, in December 2016, I told her what I felt and that I wanted to be more than friends. She rejected me, and made fun of me. I was broken, disappointed and spent days in my bedroom. That's when I developed the habit, I binge PMO'd for weeks. In 2017, I started wondering why she chose other guys over me, why these dudes were 'cooler' than me. That's when I found out that I had a problem and PMO was killing me. All in all, I started this journey because of I wanted to be better than the other dudes

 

PIED and HOCD. I failed with many girls. Got into depression and my social anxiety got biger with time. Met Nofap in 2017 and i knew, this was the only path to become the best version of myself. To this day, still fighting it.

 

PIED, poor relationships (romantic and platonic), and self-improvement.

 

I have many reasons but I am reason enough.

 

17 years of stagnation and messed up life because of hours wasted on daily basis wanking to bloody screen pixels. Living life of walking zombie, all numbed, depressed, anxious, suicidal zero energy person. This lifestyle brought me to the cliff. My breaking point was horrific death of a parent, loss of a partner, loss of a job in 2015. At that point in time, I felt like I had literally nothing to live for. My soul was void. I had two options: try to radically change my life or kill myself. Luckily, I choose the first one. I figured out that I can still kill myself later, if I FU again. My recovery is one big struggle, but at least I'm trying to start living and achieve better version of myself now, whatever that means. Slow progress is still a progress, I guess.

 

One night last year when I was doing one of my nightly pmo sessions the porn was not doing it for me, so instead I fantasized about my friend who I happened to have a crush on at the time which helped me orgasm. But afterwards i felt awful, my friend who was always so sweet and kind to me, I thought of her as a sex object. I knew I had to quit.

This lead me to nofap. Also came across porn reboot, fearless dan and many others. I discovered the reason why I always had low energy was cuz of constant fapping.

While I have improved a lot since last year, I still have a ways to go. I no longer do it every night but I manage to get to about 5 days or so before huge urges come and I give in. I've been working on a relapse prevention plan but following through with it is the hard part.

Back on day 0 and ready to give it another go.

 

I started masturbating because my wife unravelled in her mental health condition and no longer is interested in sex at the moment. We always talk about how we want it to be like it used to but we have a long way to go for her to take control of her mental health and be ready for sex. Until then, I masturbate.

Problem is, sex with her became a distant memory and now I struggled to get hard just thinking of her and our memories. I turned to literotica thinking it'll be okay. Then porn sounds. Then pornhub. I watched it for 10 seconds and has to shut it off because I know where it leads.

I had a porn addiction as a teenager and I don't want to be like that again.

I want to stop porn and masturbating completely for at least 1 month and then only masturbate once/month on the 1st of the month. Otherwise, I know my old habits and addiction will resurface. I hope this will suffice until my wife is ready for sex again.

Today is day 1 for me, just joined.

 

You got this buddy, in the end everything will be better

 

Apathy.

 

Thanks man. I mean, I see her naked for showers and almost naked at bed time and she still rocks my world. It makes it all the more difficult when I can't do anything about it!

Thankfully, she knows about my masturbation and is okay with me having a release from time to time on account of the lack of sex but since the agreement I think I've gone overboard. I need to just take control of myself and be diligent in only using it as a release once a month - no porn needed (words, sounds, or otherwise).