[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

I hear ya! I think I attempted my 1st streak in 2015....5 years ago. It is easy sometimes to think we're getting nowhere...and sometimes scary to think we'll never really get out. I've had several really good streaks over the past 5 years (and several seasons where I couldn't even make it to one week!) but I always seem to get sucked back in.

Trouble is (I believe) that you can't just quit porn! As bad as porn is, it's not even the deepest root of our problem. And, if you can't dismantle the underlying habits, mindsets, established routines, establish responses, established precedents then porn will always "fit" your life and continue to present itself as the only *real* solution to your pain.

You hit the nail on the head though: "...[porn is] a shitty decision to distract myself from reality." And therein lies the ultimate structural issue of our lives. When your entire life is built around escape and distraction, porn invariably becomes the most valuable thing to you because it provides the most powerful escape. I spent 30 years of my life building those mindsets and behaviors. I was born into a family that had built their entire existence on escapism and denial. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it's taking years to unlearn all that and teach myself to become a completely different person.

One final note: I'm finding that underneath the desire to escape the pain and distract myself from reality is a fundamental belief that I am ugly. I'm not sure if this is universal to everyone, but I would be willing to bet that most of us feel something LIKE that. You might use different words, like "I'm not enough" or "I'm not valuable" or "I'm not worthy" but it all points to an extremely deep dissatisfaction with who I am at my core. I do believe that some of my early success in this last streak was due to catching a glimpse of the man my outward life could be and truly believing internally that *I* am that man. I believe this is at least one of the fundamental keys to truely breaking the porn addiction cycle.

Love your thoughts. I'm with you in this.

 

day 3 relapsed on monday

 

This is absolutely true for me too. For me it's not so much focused on looks per se, but just as a human being I have a very low opinion of myself. I'm doing a lot of work to change that, but it crept up today again and that led me to relapse.

It's time for the both of us to stop listening to that bullshit that we tell ourselves. You're beautiful and awesome. And so am I. And the world needs our beauty and awesomeness and we're assholes if we keep depriving the world of it.

 

11.

 

I am at the exact same place as you buddy and also started attempting this challenge in 2014. Hope we all find the break through mentality we need to finally beat this addiction. Good luck friends.

 

That goes ditto for me. I have been haunted by deep feelings of insecurity and inadequacy about myself for most of my life especially in sports, women, academics etc. It is all lies I tell myself but why I still do it at 57 is beyond my understanding. I am handsome, smart, funny and well educated so why am I hard on myself and escaping into the dark side of porn addiction for 45 years? I think it has been a perpetual cycle of self destruction, I PMO, women sense inferiority from it, are not attracted, so I wank some more to escape those feelings, I fail with women and so the cycle repeats. I probably turn women off of me by giving off pharmones which say I am a weak guy and a looser around women. They smell it instinctively I think. It may also have something to do with my mother who always said when I was a child you'll never get a girlfriend if you don't improve your manners. Can't blame her though at 57 but deep seated beliefs like that may be part of the problem. Good luck changing and saving yourselves brothers. We theneed to take the high road of sobriety and not the low road of escapsim into the PMO pit of dispair.

 

Day 3/30 No PM (June)
Day 496 at attempting this challenge
Day 176 weigh training (M, W, F)
Lifestyle: No caffeine or alcohol and reduced desserts

 

Day 13/90

 

Day 3/90
Total clean days - 12
Total relapsed - 2
Total hours remaining - 2088
I had a wet dream at morning. There were some minor urges. But I refuse to look at porn or to do relapse. I know the last step now don't look at it or search for it. Final piece to the puzzle.

 

On day 51/90

 

Hang in there man, I find it most helpful when I just focus on today, just get through today, just today.

 

12 days no pmo. Need to really focus on just today, just the here and now, divert attention when porn thoughts come, remind myself it’s just memory, not real, not helpful, not good for me. Hang in there everyone

 

@Timothy_James @Merry Terry guys I feel for you, sorry that you are experiencing this despair caused by falling off the wagon.. especially as I understand you've both been trying to quit PMO quite some time. I too started trying to quit PMO in 2014 (what is it about 2014?) but it's been more of an "on and off thing" for me rather than a constant struggle. There were long periods of time where I didn't really try to quit PMO because I didn't really care. I've only recently been fully awakened to the extent of harm that PMO has caused me.

But enough about me, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and think of some useful advice. Can I ask: how familiar are you with Mark Queppet's work? I don't want to sound like an advertisement or something but his Reforged Man course has up until now been very helpful in changing my mindset around PMO, which makes it easier to resist the urges. Sorry if this is all old news to you.. but if it's not, I think it's worth taking a look at.

In any case, I hope both of you find the strength to get on the horse again! And as others have commented, relapsing may feel like a huge setback but it is infinitely better than not having tried at all! Just remember the days you managed to go without PMO, they are worth something even if you broke your streak.

Stay strong brothers!!

 

day 78/90... 12 more days left...

 

11/90

 

Day 43! I feel so much better today with almost no headache. I did a morning run for 50 mins and limited my phone and screen time to 2 hours.

 

Day 10
Many bad thoughts keep coming up, I must hold on

 

Day 84/90.

 

Checking in. Day 18/90

 

Day 17 Yo.