Day 3 is over. A few urges today, one of which was just now. I'm trying out some new coping techniques, and they seem to be helping. Trying my best not to repress sexual urges but instead let them pass through me.
Day 30 today, I have become an elf! I'm so glad that I was able to stop myself after peeking yesterday. Today I was full of energy and it felt so good, still have some small urges due to the peeking of yesterday but nothing that I can't manage. Wishing you all the best
Posting here in the interest of staying totally accountable: this evening I ended up doing some fishing (ie semiconciously looking for porn/psubs on non-porn sites) very briefly. I was sort of on autopilot and I snapped out of it after just one page - I didn't actually see anything triggering. But even though this is the mildest of mild slips and definitely not a relapse I want to keep track of it here because the way the addiction works even tiny things like this can work against us if we keep them secret. Going to do some meditation then have a shower, then it's off to bed. Good night/day brothers.
Good insight bro. Your mindset is on the spot Meanwhile, you´ve entered the Misty Mountains. Keep going brother!!!
Indeed you are Hobbit level brother . Welcome to Middle Earth. The journey is long and full of perils but we´re here to support you brother. Let´s do this!!!!
Amazing brother. The greatest Dwarven Realm in Middle Earth greets your arrival . Congratulations, you´ve entered Moria!! You´re a Dwarf now brother. Keep going and beware under the Mountain. Pmo is strong here.
yes, one of greatest feelings rebooters can have is one like that "man, i´m so glad i didn´t watch lust yesterday" . It´s priceless!! With your head standing tall you´ve entered the House of Elrond. Congratulations brother, you´re an Elf now!! Now the Council will assemble to discuss the details of your journey. Take a seat
very very good brother . That´s exactly it, everytime that you keep a secret, you´re one step closer to a relapse. Everytime you expose the addiction and the effects on you, you´re one step away from it Excellent my brother. Keep going!!!
One more day heading South brothers. Let´s welcome the new member of the Fellowship: @Mathman1994 Proud of you my brothers. Have a great day!!! Soaring Eagle, take it from here brother "Back in the days I was also confused by the masturbation harmlessness theory and deeply misled by it, these seemingly correct theories are highly damaging to teenagers and inexperienced brothers. These theories will allow the masturbators to sink deeper into the trap when the body is displaying symptoms it is past the time for regrets. In the many cases that I’ve seen, brothers would always criticize the harmlessness theory as they think that it has harmed them from the very start. Therefore, with regards to the harmlessness theory, one’s position must be firm and resolute, there is no room for doubts, or else it is impossible to become clean, one will only wander aimlessly in the vicious circle. The hole in the theory of moderation is ignoring the addictive quality of masturbation as it is highly addictive. Once hooked, you are no longer in control, like a breached dam. Many brothers would do it twice once they have relapsed, even indulging in several days at a time, impossible to hold back. Why is it that after marriage, it is allowed to have a sex life? In the post-marriage sex life, one must, of course, pay attention to “moderation”. Records since ancient times have it noted that sexual excess weakens the body and induces illnesses. Many brothers in the rebooting forums are already married, yet they still want to reboot, why? Because the body is greatly weakened and is stricken with many symptoms, one must reboot or it is all finished. Normally, I would advise those brothers with wives to have a good talk together in order to arrive at an understanding, this is a good approach to rebooting, or else the wife might misunderstand you and would easily lead to conflicts. Once you have practiced restraint for a while and have accumulated enough kidney qi, by then it will not be too late to have a sex life, as long as the health is intact we can endure temporary setbacks. Suppose that you overdrafted on your health in advance, in the future one becomes complete impotent, that’s not the worse news given that countless symptoms will come knocking on the door. (...) Regarding harmlessness theories, I will name an example, after seeing this everyone will know how to treat harmlessness theories. It goes like this: Two people come up to you to talk, one says that elephants are grey, the other says elephants are blue. The first person supports his claim with good arguments while the latter comes up with even better arguments, this is when you start to hesitate and don’t know who to trust because both sides have good arguments. In this moment, I will tell you a method and that is to go see yourself what color the elephant is! Reality triumphs rhetoric! Similarly, when it comes to rebooting, you can directly look for cases from brothers in suffering and study them, let them speak for themselves and discover the truth in them. Cases are the foremost precious resource, the reported conditions are the most real. Regarding harmfulness from restraining theories, many brothers have asked about this. I can definitely say to everyone, restraining is not harmful but with one condition, one must put an end to sexual fantization as much as possible. Otherwise, fire meets fire while one tries to hold it back, problems will arise. In the TCM medical records, I have seen quite a few similar cases, induced by sexual fantization. If the cultivation of the heart is in place, then this problem will not exist. Many monks have lived for e beyond 100 years old when the heart is properly cultivated, restraining poses no damage to the body. Many brothers run into symptoms after they start to reboot, then he thinks about the articles on the harm from abstaining, he immediately starts to masturbate. In this case, he has actually not realized the withdrawal symptoms. According to my experiences, almost every brother will encounter withdrawal symptoms after they start to reboot, some are mild while others are severe, this is all very normal. When the vital energy is being replenished, latent illnesses will naturally express themselves, persist in rebooting, the withdrawal symptoms will vanish and the body will become successively better."
I have not posted since I was an orc. Now I am well into being Uruk-Hai! Ten days tonight. I plan to go all the way through my family's vacation the 22nd through the 25th. When we get back, I will have 18 days, so I will have been a Hobbit for a few days already, and I will not stop there! I will be able to get online while on the vacation, so you will see me here. The farthest I have gone is one day away from becoming a Hobbit. Now I am confident that I can shatter that record. Once I go 18 days, I should have an easier time staying on the journey. Wish me luck!
Day 8: I've gotten lazy in my personal and work life. Need to change that ASAP. At least I'm now over a week clean!
I am on day 16 of rebooting, and while I have had erections (which are natural), I have not had problems with fantasizing or wanting to look at porn. I think I am in the flatlining portion of recovery, which I am very happy about because it means the temptations are much lower to relapse as I have no urge. I have also not been having porn dreams, which is really nice because it means I am less likely to relapse during the day. I have not gone this long without masturbation since I started puberty, and I feel great. I am not necessarily against other people masturbating, it can be a part of a healthy sex life, but for me, it is so deeply engrained with porn, that I cannot afford to go back there. Not now, and maybe not ever. My therapist is critical of this line of thinking as he thinks I should masturbate without porn to separate the actions, but when I masturbate, I fantasize about porn, which is not making it very easy. When I masturbate, I do it compulsively a couple days, and then I relapse, and I am forgiving of his attitudes as he is not a sex therapist or expert on porn addiction, so while he means well, it is not the most helpful. I do love working with him in other areas though as he has helped me parse through a lot of crap in my life, some of which has contributed to the porn addiction and compulsive masturbation. Best, Mathman1994
So true. If I watch a movie and see a cute actress I try not to look her up on the internet. It's a shortcut to relapse.
Day 1 First I would like to thank every one that supported me, I will continue. This relapse just intensified my will to quit out this addiction.