35 and Older Accountability Group

So true. The group has had been a good luck charm for me!

 

I agree with you my friend. If I would've played that game, sometime ago I'd be still lost on my PMO. I think we work here as a group trying to encourage each other, to give some ideas and solutions to each other, not to kick people out.

 

Wow thanks!! And thank you for acknowledge the hard work that this has represented and that is. Like the poet AC/DC said "It's been a long way to the top" lol But I owe this to each one of you helping me with encouragement, and ideas about how to overcome. Thanks !!

I'll keep fighting one day at a time!!

 

Good point about: group turn over would skyrocket and it would be a pain for you to keep up with; but it wouldn’t be difficult for you to kick one person out of the group if need be: me. Personally, I’m starting to feel pretty good about nofap, but I’m looking for a little extra motivation to help keep me focused to hit 30 days (for starters).

It’s a pain in the ass to find a good accountability group and this is one of the good ones. It’s fun. Everyone checks in. A little friendly competition as we all climb the latter of 20 (everyone hoping to get to the number one spot). Because I enjoy being apart of this group you created, I would hate to be kicked out because I relapse.

I’m asking you to ban just me (no one else is doing this, only me) from your group if I relapse before my day counter hits 30 days. So I need to go 19 more days. For reasons I wrote about above, this is the extra motivation I need to help me stay strong and focused to break past 30 days.

If you say no to my request this time then I will never bring up this topic again. But if you agree to it, just write back confirming that you will in fact ban me from the group if I PMO before 30 days.

Thanks.

 

I see your logic here man. I have come across motivational/ willpower advice before saying that burning your bridges is a good idea, because then you will fight like hell to get what you want because there is no safe Plan B. So it is do or die.

But this is a bad idea. During those moments just before you give in and PMO after being on a streak, your brain is not working on logic. It is working on dopamine, which contrary to what most people think, is not what brings you the pleasure but is what brings you the cravings for more. So you are in a state where you desperately need instant gratification and your brain is not working on logic. Despite how you feel right now, in those moments you are not going to give a shit about this group. There are other accountability groups, you'll find one of them. Or, the rest of the NoFap site will still be there for you. Or, you'll work it out on your own. Or you'll figure it out later. All of these rationalizations will take the place of giving a shit about this group and you'll still PMO and be faced with what to do about this group afterwards.

If you decide to go through with it, I doubt that artifact will ban you being that you haven't broken any rules. You would have to leave on your own.

 

I saw on an article from ''your brain on porn:'' that the actual thought of going to your computer to PMO, for us addicts, releases dopamine (which explains why fantasizing is so dangerous and meditation is so important). And then the actual act of PMO releases opioid which also makes you feel good. So by the time you actually blow your load, you just went through two powerful and addictive feel good chemicals from the brain. And so the cycle repeats and repeats.

Which might explain why ''I just had to'' go on facebook last night to look at this girls profile to see if she updated her profile picture because sometimes her profile pics are skimpy clothing. Like quicksand, I felt myself getting sucked into the idea of going on her profile (even though I knew I shouldnt.....And that's the dopamine).

I was so close to PMO last night. The only reason I didn't was because I remembered I have session number 2 coming up with this sex counselor (my new accountability partner. I needed a real face to face accountability partner. I recommend you all find a face to face AP we well. It can be anyone) I'm seeing and i didn't want to have to tell him to his face that I relapsed.

I guess the post I made before this one is the same thing as an alcoholic saying: if I drink () before I hit 30 days sobriety kick me out of these AA meetings.

Point taken.

 

DID I RELAPSE? I’m not sure if I did or not so I leave it up to the council of 20 members in this group to decide.

I did not look at porn or see anything with nudity or even close to nudity (though I saw a facebook picture with some cleavage), I did not masterbate or even touch it with my hands (I also did not dry hump anything) and I did not edge or orgasm. Long story short: I had a boner (basically because I went on facebook....stupid thing to do and I knew it) so I went to the bathroom to pour some cold water on it to try to get rid of it. And I guess because I was desperate for stimulation, I ended up trying to stimulate myself with the cold water by dripping the water on it (did that once or twice with a big cup of hot water as well)...did this for a total of like 90 seconds.....then after that I basically cock wipped myself for 20 seconds by swinging my hips and banged it a couple times on the bathroom sink as well seeing if that would feel good.

I hope you all got a good laugh from that story above because it is kind of funny.

Personally I kind of see it like this: imagine someone 11 days into alcohol sobriety: what if this person told their AA group meeting that they went out and bought a bottle of whiskey; and they opened the whiskey and they spent 2 minutes smelling the whiskey deeply. And they even licked the top of the whiskey bottle a couple times seeing if they could find any left over residue on the tip of the bottle. But they never actually tasted or drank the whiskey...That’s kind of how I see it.

Now related to nofap and personally what I would tell someone if they told me that story: even if it technically is a relapse, it’s such a fine line that it’s also not a relapse, that I would just tell that person that it’s not a relapse. The way I see it: it would be more damaging to tell that person that it’s a relapse (and possibly discourage them into a real relapse because they have to start over at 0 again). I’m not trying to persuade you guys either way. Just telling you what I personally think.

But as far as the top 20 group list goes. Did I relapse and need to go back down to last place?

Thanks.

 

Hello all,

First off congrats Emmanuel, keep going buddy you're doing amazing.

Hitting 78 days for me was an amazing achievement, I honestly never thought I could go that long, I am a little upset with myself that I couldn't reach 90 days but I am humble and now I've gotten the stress out my system with a couple resets I am ready to hit another streak.


I noticed during my streak that at times I really wanted to talk to someone, you get such an abundance of energy at times my confidence was through the roof but sometimes I felt quite low and depressed, it's hard to explain but I often came on here and read posts but not adding much input myself, I feel if there was a way one could call someone or leave a voice notes it would have had such an impact on the last days leading up to my reset that I think I could have gone and reached 90 days or more.

I was thinking that we could use Discord or WhatsApp or something but that would be taking people away from nofap and I don't want to stray away from such a great community we have here, anyways what I am trying to say is that maybe one or two of you guys could benefit from something like this.

It's not easy to confide in people who have no idea what we are going through.

Just wanted to add that I think this video is worth a watch.



Cheers

 

Just keeping saying that. One day it will be the truth.
I just hit 4 days and I guess I was too busy to think about it. Glad to be on here. Feels good.

 

Good day today. Hope you fathers had a nice fathers day.

 

Lol. Nah. Probably about as close as it gets which means you are in the danger zone.

I can’t do psubs at all which I’m cool with. At this point I have gotten so good at calling it what it is early I either stop before trying to look at anything or jump straight to “idgaf” and going right into real P. (Sometimes it’s really just pSub to most on here but If it’s giving me wood and I’m not looking away it’s just P anyway).

Thankfully most of the time I’m winning that battle. It sucks my counter isn't more encouraging but I think I’m getting better at this overall.

Ah well. 1 day at a time.

 

Hi guys, checking in on Monday morning. Still going strong, but feeling a bit drained today.

This has been my experience as well. I've found that just coming here and reading can help a lot - seems crazy, but it really does. Seeing that I'm not the only one who is struggling with this gives a boost - a sense of "team": we're all working through this together.

That said, I'm terrified to actually talk to another person about this stuff! Something about saying it out loud is really intimidating when compared to writing it down. Maybe I'm still working out how I feel and how to express that - I can go back and forth a hundred times when I'm typing, but you only get one shot with speech. Probably a load of crap, but I'm leaving this in!

So true. When I've tried, it has felt like I spend most of the interaction "laying the groundwork" for a conversation. And then it's over. Deeply unsatisfying. Which probably explains why I internalise so much and how I haven't really developed the skills to talk about it.

Ramblings. Feel free to ignore!!

 

A reset over the weekend. There was no P. There was reconciliation sex with my husband that involved O. Ultimately, this is what I have been building for during my abstinence and I don't regret it happening in the middle of my streak. So happy to reset (it's not really a relapse, right?) and go from there...

 

Did officially relapse today. I figured, if I’m going to relapse, might as well go out with a bang: I jerked it 7 different times today. Yes porn was involved and orgasmed on all of them. Can’t say the orgasms actually felt good though.

I must say though, that if all I do is count the days on nofap, I’m definitely asking to relapse.

 

P-Subs have failed me every time. It puts my brain in a very vulnerable position. The more you play with fire, the more likely you'll get burned. I think the reality is that the substitute for this addiction needs to be in an entirely different subject matter - p-subs is the same subject as "P." I think it's a difficult pill to swallow though even though in the long run we're not giving up anything of value in our lives.

 

Thanks for your reply mate, definitely not ramble, I appreciate all feedback.

It's not easy to talk to someone, I think I will try and post more here going forward. Cheers

 

Copy that. I noticed lately I have been a little over the top, and I figured it was just a matter of time until you called me out on it. And now that you officially have, consider me on my best behavior: which is a PG rating.

So during my binge yesterday, I was making several bad decisions. One of those decisions was that I created an instagram account (I have already deleted it) just for the binge. And for those of you who have instagram accounts...good luck. Trigger bait at it’s worst. And I thought facebook was bad. Facebook is not even close to how bad instagram is.

The bad news is I relapsed yesterday after making it to double digits (11 days). The good news is, I’m already 24 hours into the start of a new streak. The first 7 days are usually not very hard (knock on wood). But something about that second week (days 8-14) that gets really tough. The urges just get really bad. But as John Lennon said: “there are no problems, only solutions.”

So tell me if this is the right line of thinking: Another word for “urge” is “energy.” I know what is coming, meaning, that days 8-14 are going to have really bad urges (lots of energy). Especially during that second week, I need to make sure I am working out a lot to burn off that energy (urges).

What does everyone think? Does that sound about right?

All I want to do this time is get to 14 days. If I end up relapsing come day 15 then so be it. But this time that’s my goal: Just hit day 14.