Day 0. I've had serious doubts in recent times. I've had some hard times, really really hard times. I just cannot seem to have the will to start Nofap again. My streaks were: 47 - 368 - 6 - 26, from April 23rd 2019 to July 16th 2020. After that last fantastic one year streak, during which I truly learnt more about myself, I just could not get motivation to carry on. I'm sixteen currently and my own instincts are giving me a hard time. This doubt, this constant question, lingers: "What if I could have a healthy relationship with Porn? What if I could balance and integrate again PMO in my life, just like it was before I got a Nofap account in December 2018? Why do I even do this? It's a cruelty" And I've tried it: but I could not be in that state for more than a day. Yesterday evening I fapped, and suddently all concentration about my previous activities was gone. I've created, over these long years of struggles, an unbridgeable and I think definitive detatchment from Porn and masturbation; my PMO habits have vanished indefinitely, and I won't be able to get back to that lifestyle, nor do I want, nor do I like it, nor is it convenient; At a certain point on my 368 days streak, I stopped caring about Nofap; I did not check in anymore; I'll do that from now on. I'll check in every day, until 500 - you heard me. That is from now up to November 28th 2021. And then, I'll check how my life has evolved and I'll go on with dedication and, who knows, maybe with someone else by my side. This is, by far, the biggest undertaking of my life to date. First checkpoint, 10 Days.
Same happened with me...and now am checking everyday to not repeat that mistake again. We all will succeed
Day 20 Feels so good to be free of PMO for this long. Once again I have to say the journey this time is a lot easier than I had expected.
II. Is it fucking possible, that I found sexual content on YouTube?! This is just an elaborate joke, really. No big deal for me, because it was just a pair of breasts, but, you know... what could be next? I found this video while searching for the hilarious "nice cock" meme. Again, no big deal, but it's upsetting.
Day 20/365 checking in, still a long way to go and keeping up every single day. Every single day matters.