The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 17 checking in!

 

I've been away for a few days.
Had 1 more relapse. Didn't let myself go down, just analised my mistakes and continued.
I'm trying to make this streak the last one.

Day 2 completed

 

Checking in on Day 57.

 

Day 4 complete. Last week the forces of PMO were very strong with me and I struggled to get past 1 day. But these last few days I've been constantly telling myself 'get to 10'. Even though 4 days is not a lot compared to my previous streaks, I feel a proud sense of accomplishment after managing to get out of the toxic cycle I was in last week. Hopefully this streak will last much longer.

 

Checking in on day 14!

 

Day 38 check in.

 

Day ((438 / 6) + (-8 * 7))

Checking in

 

Day 11. A lot of challenges but I know I can defeat them

 

Relapsed today... Feeling deprived. It was an intentional one. Though I knew the moment I started watching what I should not, that I am going against my decision, I couldn't stop myself.

I am gonna start again, but this time with change of plans and habits. Let's do this.

 

Finally after 15y of addiction,im 75days free of PMO..
Propably im in my second flatline..

 

Day 84! Things seem to get some traction again which is wonderful.
It is also an awesome coincidence that today I was mentioned by @RiseToGreatness with my progress update in the Dead Marshes, because today I finally took some time and reflected on myself to see what is going on, as my journey felt exactly like walking in the marshes, I must say that I managed to get in a good and motivated mood again. I pulled a Jordan B Peterson on myself and I just talked to myself as I would talk with a person I care about.

 

Day 18,

Good afternoon brothers and sisters! I hope that this message finds everyone healthy and in high spirits. Snuck in an early 5 mile run this morning, however, still having a lower mindset around people. Not sure if it is some false sense of superiority setting in or a flatline. I feel as though I am being a bit judgmental when seeing the actions of others not align with what they say (but again, this is just my perception and far from reality). Have had some urges here and there but going to go read the hard copy of the textbook so that I am not tempted too much.

In other news! Those of you who are avid or aspiring runners check out this new challenge that @Slider8 and I have just posted! (https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...aceful-warrior-challenge.302308/#post-2892899). It is my opinion that physical, spiritual, and mental health all go hand in hand and you can certainly work on the physical and spiritual as you run (kinda hard to run with a text book and do homework for the mental haha).

Thank you again Fellowship for your unwavering support!

 

Day 7.

St. Benedict of Nursia, pray for us!

 

Checking in friends

No PMO - Day 75 - According to the @Risetogreatnes intro - "the razor-sharp winding paths of Emyn Muil. A fallen brother named Gollum offers help and guidance. He doesn' seem reliable but he knows the way out of the maze, so you decide to follow him."

Reflections - Got caught out on watching a series on Amazon Prime which commonsense media only reported on the first episode, but which had some very soft content later on. However as I have been on a complete detox from all forms of arousal for the last 2 months, seeing that scene was like getting his by a bus. This has lead to urges and one night of nocturnal emissions which leads to a mini-chase period also. I was really really enjoying the series as well. So a debate ensued, continue to watch the series and run the risk, or stop watching the series until at least 90 days is over and then reappraise whether I can go back to the series and just skip these scenes. I decided to stop watching it.

I have been a 3-4 times a year user ( I may act out many times in each of those times and even for a few days, but I generally stop then for 2-3 months), for about the last 5 years. So the first few weeks are generally not my problem ( though I accept the chase can be very difficult to get through). My struggles really start in the third month, as my body and mind are expecting a hit now in the next few weeks, as they have learned this 3 month cycle. Redirecting and harnessing the energy is the challenge, starting new habits while not overloading leading to stress or frustration which then act as triggers in themselves. I start to get a bit crazy now with all this energy, and keeping grounded becomes a challenge. The next 17 days to the 90 day milestone will be tough but with the help of this Fellowship I know it is possible.

Then as @RiseToGreatness says above, the key is to not relax into complacency. For me even 100 days will be only 20% of this journey, and that will keep the complacency at bay. Recovery takes time, and I am committed to see out this time.

Thank you again Fellowship for all your support.

Challenge daily your excuses to pmo - sometimes there is no excuse, it just 'feels right' - that is how insidious it is - like today I found myself thinking about fishing without even remembering that I was in this process of recovery, like as if in that moment NoFap or Freedom Fight didn't exist. Hence remembering the horror of this addiction is so important. Not to scare me into stopping, but to remind myself why I made the free will choice to stop.

Exercise - Dryland bands - 2 hr bike yesterday

Cold Shower - Yes

Mindful Breathing - yes connected to the core and slowed right down

Practise BRACE - did the breathing but not the remembering - just recalled the horror of the trap of PMO there and how so lucky I am to be on the road to recovery

Procrastination - started strong, so strong that I kicked back a bit and nearly missed a key deadline as a result of day dreaming and chatting (a colleague had to remind me of the deadline which is embarassing), got back on track then for the rest of the day

Vanity - I remembered to fight vanity today and it paid dividends - its hold over me is ending

Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - a bit too much of chatting early on but reined it in thankfully

Study about the reboot - not outside reading the Fellowship's posts, which are enlightening

Follow a triggers prevention plan - BRACE! early to bed early to rise, getting off sugar slowly but surely

Why am I doing this? - to be free of this slavery and never experience the horror of its torture of my mind and soul again

Freedom Fight - See I have slid down the FASTER scale to the Speeding Up stage (half way to relapse) - I need to used this warning to get myself back on track
Restoration - Honesty
Forgetting Priorities - Missing deadlines
Anxiety - Sleep problems
Speeding up - Always in a hurry
Ticked off
Exhausted
Relapse

Commitments for tomorrow - Humility, No PMO, Vigilance and Mindful of Thought (Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame & any time I see a fault in another think of my own faults (of which I have infinitely more examples)), of Word (No bitching or complaining & Connect to my vulnerability by being reserved and quiet), of Action (Connect to my tasks and stay diligent and true to my commitments), Be very aware of danger everywhere for the next 3 weeks especially and most importantly do not take my eye off Gollum, not even for one second....

 

Starting day one, back after a relapse