You have absolutely nothing to apologies for dude, that is a lot of things to attempt to quit all at once! You're a warrior. You decided to have sex as opposed to go to porn, my man that's great! You're a shining example of what a healthy recovery looks like. Don't beat yourself up (no pun intended). I see this as a success! Cheers to you. Also, if ever you want to practice semen retention, perhaps instead of not having sex. Have sex without ejaculation. I believe it's tantric sex.
You see brothers, I see P and M as lust. In P you stimulate your sex organs through visual contact with other people naked bodies on screen or in real life, whilst M is a self-P where we stimulate our sex organs by watching our own naked bodies to get the same stimulation of sex organs(=lust) and in both cases earlier or later we end up in O. In both case we dived into hell fire of lust. And there are two kinds of fall one is physical and another is in your mind-imagination for both P and M. For P we know what we conjure in our minds willfully to create sexual arousal and enjoy it and for M its a wilful placement of our attention on sex organs to feel lust as a feeling of sexual arousal,to enjoy its flames... For example if you commit the crime of murder would you try to whiten yourself by saying I didn't use this method to do it ? I think that there is no place for clinging to and trying to save the appearances when the essence is broken.
Another day with some meditation,walking and studies, still feel aching after Monday's run, but couldn't stop myself from doing some deadlifts . Cold shower was really cold today and overall day was quite productive . ...I think the only moment in which we can choose and use our willpower(to choose between chastity and lust) is when we just realize that we are about to get sexually aroused and what the trigger is...after we decided to wallow in lust it's too late.
Hi @Slider8 , the counter isn't a brag I assure you. We are all here as addicts, and that isn't anything to brag about.... I am working on lust & pride everyday, many times with only small success, and I come to this forum to open up & to lay myself bare to you and the rest of the fellowship, not in anyway to brag (the posts are available to read). If I am not mistaken this isn't the first time that you have pointed the critical finger at other individuals in the group. I take the criticism on board, because as you can see from my posts I am very conscious about the need to work on my own pride. Vanity and pride are absolutely huge fuel for lust, but I do not agree that the counter is part of this. The counter has been directly responsible for preventing me from looking a P numerous times, and as such I will keep it going. So man I hope that you are not only able to give criticism but also able to take some constructive criticism from a brother? If so, you could also look at your own pride and become aware of how it avoids detection in your own mind by projecting itself onto others - try looking inward and post here what you find We are in this journey together, and while I respect that your intentions are good, try to give the people on this quest the benefit of the doubt also
No Porn - 172 Days No M - 1 Day No O - 1 Day Checking in on Day 1. I did not binge, so I'm relieved for that and I've set up some new rules for myself to follow in my second run to make sure I'm improving rather than just adding another day to the counter. Starting over again is surprisingly better than I thought it would be. I thought my progress would be gone, but it's still there; it's just that I reset once. I'm feeling optimistic as a result of it, since I don't feel ashamed of failing and I'm learning from my mistakes as well.
Day 1 complete. The chaser made itself known today, and the thing that kept me clean most of all was shame, pure and simple. I've already fallen so many times in the past few weeks. I can't do that again; it would be too much to handle. Am I going to be that broken, addicted, tarnished, unclean man who has no control over his own body and mind anymore? No. The shame is too great and I can't bear to add to it.
0 days. Prayer Did my Chaplet of seven sorrows and rosary yesterday. Abstinence. Have not eaten since last coffee break yesterday. Rest. Practiced my chipping and putting last night for a bit. Stayed up a little to late again. 6 and a half hours of sleep. Exercise. Decided to sleep a little more this morning since I stayed up to late. Did not go for my walk. Nutrition. Very healthy food yesterday. Time. being patient with myself. I will get through this one day at a time.