35 and Older Accountability Group

Welcome martial

 

Checking in... post covid still in a state of dormant libido!!

 

Crazy how one can go 35 days and then out of the blue your brain goes on autopilot!

I have had a good couple of days, although last night there was an accidental peek when I clicked on an instagram link and then realized that I had never logged out of an NSFW account I had created a while back. I was able to turn it off and log out and delete the account relatively quickly, but I hate that I saw things that now my mind is trying to go back to. I'm aware of this dynamic going on in my brain of course so I will stay vigilant, but I imagine it will make the next few days more difficult than the initial 9.

 

Thanks so much for the encouragement...yes bit by bit it gets easier to go on long streaks

 

Checking in on day 47.

Things are looking up for me. My wife has forgiven me for my last relapse and my having not told her about it for the last 2 years. She wants to put it behind us. So long as I "please try not to fuck up our relationship again", as she puts it.

So I am doing my best to live up to that request. I realise I'm lucky to get another chance to become the person we both want me to become.

 

Checking in on day 150! Five months of not only no porn, but also no fishing and I think that's made the biggest change for me. This has been a challenging few weeks but I am happy with how I am facing them. Now, half a year is on the horizon!
Be well everyone.

 

Congrats brother !
We can understand how challenging it is .
Currently i am also in this journey and after hearing that you have achieved 150 days milestone ,i feel very happy for you because somewhere it also motivates me to add one more day in this journey.

Beautiful day

 

Morning all - Tuesday check in.

 

What's fishing?

 

@SeekingEnergy Fishing is intentionally seeking out p-subs or sexual material that you can justify as ‘not porn’ but is very much functioning as it. (You’re ‘fishing’ in ‘safe’ waters to hopefully ‘catch’ sexy material. It’s a dopamine slot machine). I’ve always had a problem with it and it’s always led to a relapse. Instagram models, mature ratings on Netflix, innocuous search terms in Google images that might bypass adult filters, searching an actress from a show for more risqué photos, clicking the sexy thumbnails on YouTube etc etc. It’s sort of like keeping your addiction on simmer, always feeding it just enough that it never dies and then when you’re particularly vulnerable it rears its head up and you have a full blown relapse. I’ve had so many relapses that felt ‘out of the blue’ but then when I analyzed it, I’d realize the relapse actually started two weeks prior because of fishing. I can safely say that every one of my long streaks—3-6 months—fell bc of ‘innocuous’ content. So this streak truly feels like the first time I’m fully free of the addiction, despite a decade of consistent long streaks. I’m still an addict and not safe by any means, but the constant nagging pull at the back of my brain isn’t there and I can’t begin to tell you how freeing that feels.

 

Thanks for the explanation, I also was curious. I had been picturing a scene on a riverbank involving a fishing rod, beer, and a green hat with hooks in it, and trying to figure out what that had to do with porn ...

I can totally identify with the concept of no fishing as you have described it. I'm adding it to my bottom line goals as of today.

 

Checking in on day 2. Finally got back on here after a week to post in my journal.

 

Wow i do that too. thanks for the explanation

 

Checking in. Some unwanted thoughts lately but they gradually fade away. Making great strides in improving overall health and the benefits are starting to really show. Confidence has improved by leaps and bounds.

Keep fighting, everyone. The sacrifices in life give more than they take.

 

Appreciate all your efforts organising the group Artifact! It makes it a lot easier when you know there is support out there.

 

Checking in.

I had a reset today. In spite of that, I'm in a much better place than a month ago. I'm logging more consistent streaks of 5+ days, and my resets tend to be quick mistakes that come from letting my guard down; very different from the deliberate, stress-induced resets that were the norm a few months ago. Overall I'm feeling much healthier, and I think (I think) that if I stick with this for a few more months, I'll start seeing longer streaks like some of you guys on here.

 

No matter how many times we slip ,we all together have to keep paddling so that our wheels are keep rolling .

We all are great ful for this tree(35 and older group)under which we all sat together and share our views, emotions ,failures, new things what we learn and so many things .

 

Friday check in