Day 26 (Hobbit): Cold are the nights and mighty the wrath of the ring wraiths, their fell steeds keep tracing us while the house of Elrond still seems too far; I was tempted for a moment to use the ring, maybe was the fear, or maybe was the call of the ring that tempted me, I could see its glow in my mind enticing me to fall, yet I resisted ... for now, I hope the wisdom of Lord Elrond may aliviate my pain. "The urge" comes too often by the morning. its not related to dreams, just the warmth of bed alongside a natural response (?) of the body, I guess that should be the right moment for meditation.
Fight on and rise! We are with you, you could start with giving up weed, it has worked wonders for me, soon you will realize that you dont need substances to enjoy the simpliest things in life; most of the pain you might feel comes from guilt, you are unemployed, sure, but you can still learn a new skill, start reading a book, write a journal; try to be better than yesterdays yourself.
Going good no urges from yesterday. Completed a hard workout for abs feeling like a real life warrior in 21st Centuary.
I have a plan for doing more and consuming less from tomorrow on. Well a plan is only a plan. So I'll talk a lil' bit about my situation so that I hopefully realize what I can do to help myself. I need to get ahead of myself. Many times I'm somewhat clueless what to do now, I just feel there's so much I have to do but I don't really know where to start and I just go with a flow and end up doing "something" - sometimes a good thing, sometimes just anything to kill time. Nevertheless I'm in a good mood and often I'm full of energy. I'm not on my own all the time, I have love and support but also I've got enough time on my hands. So this is the optimal window of opportunity to START to f*ing work on myself and get productive and real! I'm a minimalist that has a tendency to overcomplicate things. So this time I'll have it easy from the beginning. I can't work on thousand areas of life at the same time, for example. And I can't use all the tools that I know of - a tiny toolset is better. So this time I'll focus on mantras. I've already started to say mantras but what still lacks is consistency. I need to make it a daily hobbit ... no, habit otherwise I can't expect much of an effect. My mantras focus on the core values and patterns that I worked out. So why not repeat those mantras several times in the course of the day? The next thing is structure. I need to write down what I want to do, I need to make plans. As simple as that, but for me that has never been simple in practice. Actually it needs a little more than that. I need to immediately act on my plans and I need documentation of what I did and when and what my next steps be. I need documentation and accountability. My mantras, by the way, will give me guidance, motivation and certainty about my path. Certainty that what I do is excactly what is needed to be done and that it makes sense and that nothing more is necessary. Then there's my diary. Keeping it, on a daily basis at best, will serve many purposes and some of them I can't even see today. And I've got the idea that using a vision and also take time to really visualize things would also help me to get more purpose, confidence and drive / dedication in my life. But I won't stress that too much, since I'm not yet sure how to do it and make a habit out of it. In any case, if I do all this it will bring a lot of joy and .. novelty (the good one) into my life. Others will profit too, not only myself ... However, it also means that tough times are ahead of me. If I'm really serious about what I have in mind, it will get hard ... so ... NO PAIN NO GAIN. Cold water and exercise During "nofap" I discovered the magic and power of appyling cold water and ice. Now where it gets darker and colder the question is: do I just do what everyone does and stay indoors most of the time and wear warm clothes and shit ... or do I go out and expose myself to the elements and start a routine of cold showers and swimming in the lakes? I chose the latter, so I must kick myself in the lazy ass many times and quit comfy. Instead of trying to just build a good exercise routine while I'm more and more indoors and getting comfy, I'll start this "Wim Hof initiative" that hopefully will also be a trigger for more exercise. By the way, there's enough time for HYGGE after I did exercise, exposed myself to the cold and worked. THAT is my plan as an orc.
Your -'feeling lost, seeing mistakes and doubting your own worth' made me to perceive you as unhappy with your life's circumstances at the moment when you wrote it bro.
Put into action: I just did exercise outdoors and I also got my ass into that cold lake. Actually it was surprisingly warm. I swam for about 5 mintues and even after I got out the air felt warm. Realized: it is still late summer after all. No more warm showers or baths from now on! (My last relapse happened in a hot bath tub by the way).
Put into action: I just did exercise outdoors and I also got my ass into that cold lake. Actually it was surprisingly warm. I swam for about 5 mintues and even after I got out the air felt warm. Realized: it is still late summer after all. It was already dark. So beautiful and peaceful out there on the lake! But I also had this stupid fear: I thought a big fish might attack or touch me. No more warm showers or baths from now on! (My last relapse happened in a hot bath tub by the way).
Indeed, yesterday was one of those low days, where nothing clicked properly, which made me see the mistakes of the past that played a role in the present outcomes that also indicated how the roads that I found myself on, had no connection to anything I was interested in. Yet thank you for your care, as it played a role in today, which was a good day.
Day 11. Seems like being on the phone I either skipped a day, or did not set the counter at the 12 AM but 12 PM. Good day to be honest. I dared to be make myself uncomfortable a couple of times, met some new people today though name remembering is still a problem as I barely do...cold showers still doing their thing, though increasing the time spent underneath should be increased but only after I do some handyman work on it.
18 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river.
My natural talent was always in writing, but that was a long time ago. I often think about starting a website or blog or something. I think I doubt that I could make any real money doing something like that though.