2/90 Feeling much better. Going back to my practices of gratitude, forgiveness, and meditation every day. I can't believe I stopped doing these which were crucial to my active recovery process. Complacency is so subtle. Self-discipline is a must to win the war.
I have been on the countryside for multiple weeks. Man, walking in a forest breathing in the fresh air is so purifying. Nofap attraction is real. And I'm not even doing or feeling anything special but women have literally been walking in front of me talking to each other (not seeing me) then suddenly stops talking, walk more slowly then turn their heads towards me, giving me eye contact. And that's just a small thing .. I have endless of these stories. Like last year when a woman started following me around. Nofap just magically makes you more attractive. I can see a massive difference when I'm not on NF. Have fun with NF .. let this motivate you. And I can add that I'm not physically as good looking as I could have been if I lifted more weights. But women check me out anyway. There's definitely something metsphysical going on. Everything is energy. There's no separation. Everyone and Everything is connected. What you radiate you attract. I made it this far because I have this mindset of wanting to hold / keep my energy. Seeing my seed as something holy (because it is, and so is yours). Like, how could I explain this.. Like a Monk mindset where the only thing that matters is the "now", to preserve my precious energy, and to take care of myself. The mental / spiritual clarity that NF brings helps me make better choices. I feel like there's no turning back now. Fapping only leads to draining of energy, insecurity, confusion, brain fog / lack of clarity and chain reactions of pain. I'm just forced to change. And not giving a damn about women also makes it a lot easier for me to focus on my good ego, and also to become more aware of my bad ego so that I can change destructive patterns. It sucks to be biologically, physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to something that only sucks the life out of you. But it doesn't have to be like that. Not at all. No matter how weak you may feel, change is right around the corner. Think like a worrior. I'm going to do this no matter how much my body wants me to fap. I'm going to do NF anyway. It's my way or the highway. Just do it. No matter what life throws at you you stay on the road. Porn and urges is just illusions or traps that pulls you down in an endless vicious circle. Or spiral. The vicious circle can end in two ways. A. -when you die. or .. B. -when you step out of the circle. It's really just that simple
Day 1. After restarting due to watching pornography but never masterbated. I felt bad about the fact I would've been at day 30 in this challenge but hey rules are rules for a reason. Did the right thing by starting over and go by what the challenge is stated. Day 1/90 had a good workout today with no urges which is good. Tonight I'm scrolling through tik tok and there's the after dark side of it. Avoided it at all costs. Keep up the fight guys.
3/90- Feeling so much better. I am back to the basics and also using my relapse prevention plan that I had developed earlier. I am not taking any chances this time. Hypervigilance until I get to the 90-day mark this time.