90 days. Finally.

I have been with NoFap for 342 days.
Twice I went over 60 days, and I had other good streaks, but yesterday I finally reached 90.

I went into work yesterday, and had to leave several hours later. Out of nowhere, my body temperature climbed to over 102F / 39C. It stayed that way for several hours, until my wife insisted I swallow some paracetamol. I had a rough day, and a bit of a rough night. Today I am home, to let my body recover from the shock.

I have no idea why that happened, but I am sure it is no coincidence that my body went through this ordeal on the 90th day of my reboot. I don't believe in coincidence. It was as if my body was purging the last remaining iotas of negativity, after many years of on and off self-abuse with pornography. I could actually feel it.

For those of you who are interested in my journey so far, I encourage you to read my journal.
For those of you who have not the time, I will give you the TL;DR version: be honest.

What made these last 90 days - and a bigger way, this past year - possible, was honesty and positive vibration. Honesty with myself, and with my wife. I opened up to her about everything, and she has been a true life-saver. She has been supportive and encouraging, and I probably could not have done it without her.

When I say positive vibration, I mean sending out positive thoughts and energies to the world. I mean visualizing the person I want to be, even if I have no idea how to get there. That is already in the hands of creation. All I can do I steer myself in the right direction with the tools I have. Those tools are my mind and my heart - thoughts and emotions.

Focus on the good and the positive about yourself. Don't be anti-this or anti-that, don't be against life, or against yourself, not even in a good way! If your mind is preoccupied with not thinking about pornography, then guess what? you're thinking of pornography. If your mind is preoccupied with not relapsing, well guess what? you are going to relapse.

The thoughts and feelings we send out are the ones we get back, whether we want it or not. It is one of the laws of the universe. You can't achieve good when you are focusing on the bad. You cannot achieve success if you are constantly thinking of avoiding failure. You cannot be a positive self if you are preoccupied with your negative self.

Nothing I can say or write here can really make a difference. The change needs to come from you. Nothing and nobody else can do it. It is all on you. If you want it bad enough, you can turn it all around starting right now. But you need to want it. Not in a tentative way, not in a way of passing fancy, but with a deep passion. A burning, fighting passion.

This is your life. Nobody else's. It is your responsibility to get yourself what you want. No-one else will do it for you.
The jails you imprison yourself in, the walls you build around yourself - they are created by you, and you alone. You want out? work towards it. Start now. Visualize the man or woman you want be. Start asking yourself the bigger questions, like: who am I, and what is it that I really, truly want?

Maybe up until now, you have had a rough life. Maybe you were abused physically, mentally, verbally. Maybe you are dirt poor, alone, overweight, unhealthy - I don't know what. There are tons of sad stories out there, and even I have one. This is life, and we all have bad cards dealt to us in some way. The question is, what now? are you going to choose the life you really want, or are you going to be stuck with the life that was seemingly chosen for you?

You have a choice to make. It is about who you are, and what you want. Honesty, positive vibration, joy, love, gratitude - find them within yourself, even in the smallest of things. Experience those good feelings, send them out into the world, and you will attract them back to you tenfold.

Day 91.

 

Thanks @badri !

 

@Mr_Annon @ifthisislove @QuietKid @StencilBenjamin @Lazarus Shuttlesworth @yousuf13y

Thank you all so much for your support. It is empowering and very strengthening.
Today marks one year since I began my journey.
It has been one of the best and most productive years of my life.

Stay the course. Be positive.
Dare to dream of a better life, and strive to make it happen for you.
Keep your head in the clouds, and your feet on the ground.

Your comments are very much appreciated.
Much love, brothers.