[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 7

 

Hello, sadly, the turtle is back. 0/90
Haven't been doing any streaks at all since the last time, so I figured I should keep up with NoFap again, as at least I feel more capable to do streaks somehow.

 

I relapsed im starting again from 0 /90

 

DAY 3

 

The big five O day 50/90

 

Day 7/90.
Feeling great.
Hope everyone going well. All the best guys.

 

Day 37

 

Day 6. Never give up.

 

Day 4

 

98/90

 

day 4/90

 

Day 18

 

Day 11 went well. Day 12.

 

Checking in with clean hands and a clear conscience.

 

1/90

 

I should reset my counter. Watched some images yesterday, however. For the first time in a long time I managed to stop it after a relatively short time. I did not PMO. I just went straight to bed and fell asleep.

Warning. Long. Grab something to drink:

I started to think about the resons for the addiction today.. and now I think I know the roots of the addiciton. Here's some "loud thinking" from my side:

Missing one parent almost my entire life, a parent that never cared anyway -created some sort of emptiness in me. Whether I'm conscious of it or not.
I've been blamed for things I didn't do wrong and nothing were good enough. That's just the tip of the iceberg. We all carry a baggage with us, big or small.

The Dating World has become like junkfood while deeper and more meaningful relationships are becoming more rare. In my world where I live the chance of finding a good woman even interested in a long term relatioship is a rare sight. So like many modern men I have to turn inwards and just realise this is the future for many men. For how long? I don't know. I don't want a woman with a high bodycount.
I'm smart enough to understand that there is a problem. Women are too picky and sleep around too much which affects their ability to bond with a partner in a long term relationship. "Experience is good", nope, in that case it means you're only one guy of many. Another brick in the wall. Another flying sausage in a hallway.. you get it.

Men are systematically demasculinized and testosterone are dropping like dead flies. I have criticism towards both sexes. Men need to stop s(i)mp around women and find some self-respect within themselves. Enough with the soy! Men always used to have this drive because of testosterone but now we are used as punching bags as part of an agenda to break us down, and I'm not getting deeper into this for now....

But my main point is that unlike women, men have no protection. We go through the same emotional pain as women do but we have to turn that inwards and stuff it in. No one to talk to. We can't talk about our problems to anyone and no one will feel respect for a crying man, we can't even do it when we are alone. Stuff that pain deeper and deeper inside of you and let it turn into frustration, then anger. No one likes an angry person, so stuff that anger back even deeper. Being a man is not as easy as women want to believe.

More women try to commit suicide. But more men actually kill themselves. And no one talks about it. The focus tend to be more on the women. I don't know about you, but a woman "trying" to commit suicide can be saved. A dead man is a dead man and you can't do anything about it. As I said. Being a man is a lonely journey. We were never tough from the beginning, we were forced to toughen up. It's just the way it is. Nobody cares about you. You're on your own. You are forced to find your own way, it's the only way. It's one of those things men wish women could understand but most are completely blind to see it. Hellooo!? The alarm is ringing but no one can hear it. Not strange at all that young men are unhappy and mentally unstable.

I think there are a few reasons to why I haven't stopped watch images/videos:

P gives me a (false) sense of control in a world where there are too many things out of my control. The pixels on the screen can't lie to me, cheat on me, reject me, or let me down in any way. The pixles feel nothing for me. Neither good for bad. They are there as long as I let them be there. Even if it's an illusion. I stay with it even if it hurt me, because it's all I have. Even if I had a relationship, that woman could leave me, especially in world where a man can be replaced by either a click or a swipe. In a world where you are being viewed as an asset, not a human being. But the pixles won't leave. They are always there. It makes me feel like sh*t in the end but maybe the brain is tricked to belive that a sh*tty connection (to an illusion) is better than no connection at all. The brain may think something like "well, it's not love but it's sex.. sort of". Unnatural enviroments leads to unnatural behaviours, and watching P is an unnatural behaviour. Compared to having a real loving physical relationship.

P is an easy "fix" but it doesn't solve anything. You only walk back and forth back and forth until you have dug a grave with your own feet.

Men are wired to be very physical beings, we like what we see and we get turned on much quicker than women do. Men are not as obsessed with sex as women may think. To men sex is a way to truly connect with a woman emotionally. You know how women in contrast are much more attracted to commitment (or used to be), and some also interested in romance/sex in story format? I've never heard of any man reading romantic novels. At least I have no interest in them.. So what I mean is that there's a difference there. Men are more for the visual part than women are. Men almost get a high of seeing an attractive woman. I think that's why men fall into the trap of watching P.

So I know the problem and I know that I feel absolutely nothing positive towards P. It's just dopamine, dopamine, dopamoine..
I understand why I haven't left it completely and I have started the process of breaking it down. It doesn't have to be like this..

Loving yourself is the key out of this shit. How do I love myself more?
I do what I love to do. Doing that is like "hugging" yourself.
Find a purpose in life. A deeper purpose. Think of how you can be in service to others.
A man need to feel important, that he fills a role somewhere. To someone or to some people. Every man have had the dream of becoming the "hero" in his own life story.

Complete self control is something that I want. If I manage to go beyond 90 days without P, then do I really need P anymore? NO.
That's the thing. If I can go on without it, then I don't need P anymore. If I decide to make it beyond 90 my radar for good women will become more accurate and I will also radiate much more confidence and positivity than before. Whether I find her or not doesn't really matter in the end.. because I can stay withing that energy and feel absolutely fine. And so can you.
To all the lonely men out there. You have yourself. Love yourself. You'll need it.

So Yes I watched P for a while but thank god I didn't masturbate or ejaculate. What a waste of energy that would have been!

 

I relapsed im starting again from 0 /90

 

Day 58

 

Yes I have 20 days no PMO

 

nice! im also on the 180 warrior thread if you want to join!