I left my partner of coincidentally 11 years as well, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Something akin to shooting your best friend in the face with a shotgun, swearing it's theirs or yours. I made that decision on the beginning of 2020, shortly before COVID changed things. Timing has never been my strong suit. Most days I regret ending it, but what is will be. Decision making has never been a strong suit either. The 5th is her birthday, and I think the greatest gift I ever gave her was liberation from me. Summer is one helluva trigger. Too many babes on the street, for me to think straight. Resetting; may August usher in renewed commitment.
9 days. Going to bed now. 1/2 day at a time. Been stressed at work and home. Tomorrow seems important.
Had a reset on Friday, after 15 days. It followed a very typical pattern for me. I allowed my work commitments to build up to unreasonable levels. I worked extremely hard for a few days, while juggling important non-work stuff too (ie. looking after my kids). After a few days of this, I ran out of energy and could not keep up with all my responsibilities. I failed to meet my own expectations. I fell into despair. By the time I PMO'd it was a way to escape the horrible feelings I had about myself. Even though all I needed to do was hang on for a few more hours, when it would have been the weekend, when my stress levels get that high its very difficult not to give in. I'm back on the wagon now, but I wonder what I can change that will break this cycle. Because this happens for me every 2-3 weeks.
Am leaving for my weekend away with my son on Friday, 3 sleeps to go. I checked and my last visit was when I was using PMO so need to remember: Turn off the internet when I arrive Message on this group before I go to bed on Friday night to say all devices safely stowed away. Be prepared for new environment, new triggers etc.
That sounds familiar. I got frustrated with my similar pattern- although my streaks were more in the 10-14 day range IIRC. I’ve now learned not to undersell the value of lots streaks like that. I’m a better me while doing that than ignoring the the problem. The streaks for me were shorter when “doing it on my own.” Please share things you find help along the way. I haven’t discovered the secret sauce yet, although it seems like i have until the hour I fall off the wagon lol. (Just for me when I see these later 9.5 days - a couple hours from 10).
@Bartholem_phew! - Congratulations on your 90 days as of yesterday! You are now a member of the prestigious 90 Day Hall of Achievement! Way to go and if you had your own energy drink it should be called Bartholem_fuel!
Feeling good and glad to be back at 30 days. For those that are stuck in the 14 - 21 or so day range, I feel your pain. It took me several tries to get past it, even though I've gotten this far several times in the past. For me, things really ramp up at two weeks, then settle down after about 3 or 4. I've been mentally in a better spot on this last go around. I've been introspective to the point of thinking about myself a lot, and others very little. It's almost a selfish feeling, but in the end, I don't believe it is. When I'm taking care of myself and not worrying about what other people are doing or reacting, I'm a better person to be around. I believe my relationships are in a good spot right now. Congrats to Steveal!
Driving home I had my first optimistic thoughts about beating the addiction to PM. I thought “maybe this could be the last streak that never ends”. Then I thought “careful, half day at a time for sure for the next few days.” Lol. The window and feeling it could be true are gone, but if I don’t let my mindset flip, it could be. It’s easy when looked at the right way. (Couple hours from day 11)
So, a little bit of a note here. The stress from moving from one team to another has put me in a bad situation mentally. (I'm not going into details, but the fact that it was forced, and some other factors surrounding it, have been extremely stressful) I found that I was at a high level of stress earlier this week, and that one of the things that dropped my stress down was ending my 18 day streak. Therefore, I'm going on a bit of a hiatus from trying to go no-PMO, at least until my work life settles down again. During this hiatus, I'll stay away from Porn, and just let a natural rhythm take over when it comes to MO. I have already noticed it's a lot better since it was before my 18-day streak, in a lot of ways, so that is great. But yeah, I'm going to put work, and my mental health, first for now. And then, in a few weeks or so (hopefully) I will give the streak another try, and in the meantime, do my best not to lose the progress I've made.
Day 29 Feeling gross lately, considering my past behaviors. I am devoid of libido at this point and that is a welcomed change. I am aware that this journey affects us all differently. I don't miss the urges at all. It's like the just stopped suddenly. I can still fantasize but I have no desire to. This is where I start winning. I must remain vigilant should urges come back unexpectedly. In the past this has been around 60-70 days. Though I also remember that the first 30 days take forever, the following 30 days were a breeze, and the last 30 days seemed like they would never pass. I'm just using 90 days as a measure. I have no set goal at this time, it's just where I am today.
"To get to my goal might have to be a little selfish." Mentally, I've been in a type of mood where any excuse is good enough to indulge in a bit of PMO. I catch myself lowering the blinds and turning my VPN on when I find myself home alone; having only one thing in mind. Thus far, I've come to my senses before carrying out the ritual. Thinking about my streak helps a bit in that regard or dreading typing the word reset again. I really should be reading/posting more, for reminders. I think I'm rather comfortable with my own inconsistency, or at least my behaviors imply such. Sometimes I feel different than other humans. I don't really care about much of anyone/ or anything, motivation evades me. I probably don't believe in myself, or believe I have the patience and dedication to accomplish anything and if I did I'd still be unhappy. Do you guys avoid music, or other media, you can relate to and enjoy but fear it's too nihilistic or depressing to be good for your mental health (assuming you have some sort mental health status that needs attention)? I've included a song for reference.
I think this is very reasonable. It's tough to jump into the deep end and you have a life to live. Keep the bigger picture in mind, which is making progress over the long term.
Thank you very much for the support. Hilariously though, I think I have to change my strategy again. These last few days have proved beyond a doubt in my head that I cannot "have a natural rhythm with MO" while at the same time "staying away from Porn". As soon as I give myself permission to MO, I go and pull up Porn. I imagine it would be similar to an alcoholic who gives himself permission to go to a bar, but not to drink... you can't do one without the other, at least, not if you're an alcoholic. So yeah, going to have to go back to hard mode, so as to avoid losing all my progress. (What progress I haven't lost already in the last week) It's tough, but I guess there's no third option after all. On the bright side, my stress has gone down a fair bit this week, and not just because of looking at Porn. Or maybe that did help, and I didn't realise it. That will be interesting. Regardless, I think I'll aim for hard mode for now, and see how it goes, because aiming for "MO but no P" is definitely a failure so far. (My instinct tells me that the best way to actually achieve MO but no P might be to aim for hard mode, and then miss, rather than aim for MO but no P)
