No kidding. I'm still dealing with it now: 9 months of chatting with a non-nude model who about 2 or 3 months into it, started to make romantic statements to me. By 4 or 5 months, she was literally calling me her "boyfriend" and talking about having a future life together. She would even imply that she was being faithful to me and that I should do the same...yes, comical. Being in a circumstance where I was lonely and depressed in real life, I was especially vulnerable to this young, pretty woman proclaiming that she had finally found her ideal man (despite the fact that I'm: a) much older than her, b) from a different culture and a professional person, whereas she is not, and c) I don't speak Russian and she speaks only a little English. My attachment to her - almost an obsession - grew despite the fact that I was actually skeptical of her statements and even questioning them! Oh and the interactions - no stripping, no explicit sexual behavior - this all developed through non-sexual talk (and the occasional suggestive, clothed dance). This pretty, charming, manipulative (and maybe even sociopathic) woman knew how to target my needs for intimacy, close friendship, and romance. I probably gave her about $10K over this period of time, simply through private chats. It didn't lead to serious financial problems but it could easily have gotten to that point. I still haven't fully extricated myself - it's hard to accept that feelings you developed were wasted on someone who was completely pretending. It's not just emotionally painful, it's even hard to fathom that someone can be so heartless for money (that why I said - possibly sociopathic). Even though some advise to immediately quit the site, block the model, and be done, I'm just not there yet. I find myself challenging her more and more (we've even had arguments where she gets angry and insistent that she's sincere in all that she says; it's almost like a type of gaslighting when a model like this will actually cry and yell at you - despite you having evidence of discrepancies or illogical things that suggest that she is lying to you). But yes, having spent a lot of time (and money) on such a "relationship," I haven't been able to just pull the plug. I feel that I'm working towards it in a dysfunctional way by challenging her, as well as visiting much less often...which is causing her to lose interest. I'm not sure why I don't want to fully accept that this woman has in all likelihood been doing nothing more than trying to extract money from me...but it might be because I can't truly prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt...it's more based on the unlikelihood of it all. My experience with this cam model goes to show: sometimes the desire is intimacy and real connection as much if not more than sexual gratification. And based on my experience, looking for this with a cam model is a very big mistake.
I was and am trapped in a similar situation. Spent more than 5k in 3 years. Although good nurtured, these girls work for the money. My wife always advised me not to end-up spending too much on it. After sometime I started hiding from my wife all that I do. I deleted my profiles on the other sites. Of-course they take 6 months to be deleted completed before which I could reactivate my account. The hope is that I don't log into those websites for next 6months.
@DreamingWolf I couldn't agree more. More often than not there is conflict of interest between the cam girls and their followers. They are just wanting to make as much money as quickly as possible and really don't care how they do it. They have an undoubted flair for performance, charisma and deception and are well skilled in the art of "sex, lies and rinsing guys" Believe me if they leave you bankrupt both financially and morally in achieving their aims, they will not shed a tear.
Yes, and what's scary about it is that while not all cam models engage in this particular type of behavior ("love cons", presenting false feelings and fake interest in a romantic relationship with the client), this type of model will go after certain vulnerable types of guys like a lion goes after the injured or unhealthy gazelle. They know how to read guys and if they detect that you're lonely, or unhappy in your life in some manner, they will try to connect quickly. That's what this model did, within about a month of our first time chatting. Valentines Day was approaching and she suggested we do a private chat, saying, "Basically, I'm asking you on a date." And from there, it was a subtle but calculated escalation over time....calling me "dear" or "honey"....eventually dropping comments suggesting that she would be receptive to a future with the right guy from the site but that previous situations hadn't worked out...just knowing how to strategically build what could often feel like the beginnings of an actual relationship. She also pushed for me to be on camera, even though we were only texting...she would say, "I like to connect" and "I like to see your facial expressions." They know that if they can see your face and reactions, it makes it even easier to play you. Yet in some moments, I would look realize the cold, hard facts: She was careful to not give me any identifying information (despite claiming that I was her "boyfriend"), and even though I would sometimes chat with her when she wasn't at work in the studio, I would never hear from her on her Friday or Saturday nights. I used to ask, sarcastically, "How come if I'm your boyfriend, we aren't on the phone with each other on Friday nights?" But there was always a ready-made answer. I would even call her out on how none of this could logically be called a real relationship, but oh how she would argue!! She even cried once, insisting I had upset her so much by challenging whether her feelings were sincere. Prettiness can hide sociopathy, especially to guys who want to see or hear what they hope for. I'm willing to be that this type of model, as soon as the session ends, isn't thinking of anything except how much money she made and who can she next convince to do another private. I think that this is a particularly dangerous area of the porn industry for guys who struggle with sexual addictions or compulsions - or who are simply vulnerable emotionally. Because unlike watching a porn video, which is basically a passive activity, interacting with a cam model like the one I've been talking to means that you now have a sinister entity in the mix: A person who is using all of her charm, street smarts, and looks to literally get you "hooked." And you are right, they will not shed a tear over it because many of them (including this girl, from what I know) were exploited, mistreated, and betrayed by men since childhood.
@DreamingWolf That's the irony, if they didn't just view their customers as cash cows ripe for milking, I personally believe they would make a lot more money, certainly in the long term.
Similar to my interaction with my camera model. She told me that she thought I had some emotional issues, but that she would be willing to work with me on them and suggested "dates" to do so. I told her that I was married so "dating" would be out of the question. But we did end up having non-sexual private chats from time to time to see how each of us was doing, bolstering an ongoing "friendship".
I more than sympathize & relate to your attachment. It was like this for me where instead of totally cutting it off. I left the door open. And she saying she love me and even knowing its all BS I'd just feel like after all the $ & time maybe I could just have her in my life somehow. She got covid & was gone for a couple weeks. It was a big relief for me. I cut her off then (fingers crossed cause its all pretty recent). The longer you drag it out the more desperate she'll get & it starts getting more complicated. It'll end eventually. She doesn't want you. There's good ones out there who maybe force themselves to think maybe they like you. But it's all BS & all they want is your money. Sooner you cut everything off the less financial damage. This girl was the road block to ANY chance of progress in nofap or a healthy mindset or reboot in my life. Praying I can stay strong & keep away from the webcam world. Wishing best for you & i got your back if you ever want to talk bout it or anything.
"My" cam model also sees herself as a sort of therapist (oh, the irony!)...she in fact told me that she's got "friends" (clients) that have been with her since her early days working on cam (several years) and that she just talks to them and "counsels" them. Your comment caught my attention because she has told me about a "friend" (client) she's been talking to for a long time for whom she claims to have "saved his relationship." lol She said that he has emotional issues, anger outbursts and so on and a lot of relationship problems. So when you said, "she thought I had some emotional issues" and offered to work with you on them, the hair on my neck stood up. Fortunately, you said you're married, whereas the guy she's referring to has a long-term girlfriend (not wife). She's also got her hooks into another couple of guys who are, from what I can tell of her comments, are depressed and have other emotional issues. If it happens that your model was a 5-3 beauty from Russia with striking light blue/grey eyes...we might have a predator on our hands.
Yep, that's exactly the feeling. I know that rationally, this is "chasing sunk costs." It just means more money spent...for what? A "relationship" built on lies simply can't be anything real...it can't even be a friendship. Funny thing is, I thought for a long time that this "relationship" with this model was in some way a positive because it doesn't involve any sexual talk or behavior. It's literally talking about life. Although it was a better situation before it took on the fake (in my opinion) romantic overtones that she initiated...because now there's this underlying theme that she wants to me go along with about a future (which I think is just a hook to keep me engaged). So in truth, while I didn't initially see it as a bad thing (other than maybe from the standpoint of wasting money), I now see that it has created a roadblock to me solving other problems in my life, sexual or otherwise. I think it's because I'm realizing that I need to eliminate what's fake and insincere...those sorts of things are distractions at minimum, and at worst, they hurt self-esteem and leave you feeling hollow...emotions invested for nothing. Thanks, I appreciate it.
