[30-CHALLENGE] THE THIRTY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 2/30.

 

Day 8/30 and 9/30
Presently on day 20 of my streak

True. That is the sine qua non of nofap journey!
@bettermeeveryday, if possible please share your reasons for abstinence. What motivates you to embrace celibacy?

 

Round 4 Day 1/30

 

Day 0 pray for me

 

Day 18/30

 

Day 4/30 ⚡

 

4/30 (Tuesday)
I stop myself from peeking today. it's how always starts. just checking screenshots before downloading anything. But once I find something I like I always end up downloading.

 

Day 16 completed (46 in my current streak).

Thank you for your interest. The following is my reason for abstaining: I had developed a pattern to use PMO to cope with my depressive lows anxiety that came from past traumas and present triggers. PMO was my escape from that condition -- when I PMO, I would end up completely erased of all thoughts, emotions and feelings, and some traces of dopamine would be left. It would be like a reset of my whole system -- complete numbness and blank mind (seemed better than the pain). And I would start over new. My circumstances are such that my family violently opposed the idea of me pursuing my higher studies and also never let me step out of my house for getting a break from all the attacks they'd make on me for any reason -- it has been toxic and I had no escape. And the lil space I would have between triggers I would have to cope with the anxiety and lows and also work towards my dreams -- PMO seemed like the easiest way to numb everything and reset so that I can work, and who doesn't like some dopamine when they feel so f*cked. But naturally I lost even that lil time I had by coping using PMO -- lost increasingly more time, because you always want more when its dopamine. And time wasn't the only thing I lost, there was thick white fog in my brain at all times, and thinking in my brain was like swimming in thick grease -- which made it impossible for me to do anything meaningful after finally "coping". Wasn't I trying to cope because I wanted to be able to let go of my anxiety and work with my best potential? Right motivation but wrong solution. Because running away from the problem doesn't make it not exist, it comes back again and again, but fighting the problem CAN kick it out of existence -- I had to stop running away and start fighting my anxiety and take steps towards my dreams despite the toxicity around me that triggered me to death and prevented me from even functioning. And definitely PMO was not supposed to be a part of the solution -- my therapist explained (and suggested I could try NoFap, and am so grateful for that). I tried to abstain. But every time I hit a depressive low, I would be so desperate and PMO would be like oxygen to a choking person, to me, and I would succumb. But then I started to noticed something else too, I would sometimes hit ugly lows without any particular triggers, apparently they were withdrawals from my PMO use. Did I want an additional thing shoving me into killing lows, along with the burden that I already had? NO. So I tried to abstain even harder. But what can you do when that's the only thing that makes you feel good (at least for a cpl mins) in this terrible chaos and pain? Apparently, a lot. Everything seemed like a chore at first but I was restless, so I had to do something or another. I did decluttering and cleaning, gardening, drawing etc, whatever I thought I could get a good share of dopamine from. Worked alright, until I would be triggered again, and would lose it and fall back to PMO. But falling back only made me see the difference between no-PMO and PMO with better clarity. The difference was huge. Without PMO, I had to get off my bed (which was the hardest thing to do because any movement, any sound, anything would trigger me -- I just wanted to hide away on a corner of my bed), I had to do an activity (generally physical) which would always need some amount of focus (this helped me experience what a less fogged brain feels like again), and engaging with these things actually took my mind off the anxiety for a bit (isn't that what I wanted?) and I would feel more fresh afterward and ready to study. But with PMO, I already said how it was. The difference was no more a theory that my therapist would talk about, it was something I was noticing with myself. It was good. In a better headspace, I was able to work better too, and see me progress even if it was sloth slow. Is that enough for you to abstain? NOPE. I relapsed over and over. But with every relapse I learned something new bout myself. And as I keep learning and getting back up and growing, I see how much I feel like myself more and more when I am off PMO. I am doing things I love in ways I can, my brain works better and am able to appreciate lil things like I used to before and better, I am able to cope with the triggers better, I am progressing towards my dreams, I have now earned a job, I gave a good exam for my admission for higher studies, I feel some confidence and some sort of peace within even if there's chaos/triggers all around me me. Would I wanna trade myself (and all these things that make me who I am) for PMO ever? NOPE. So will I never? I CAN'T say. Maybe there will be something that will break me down into it. But that's nothing I should be worried about. Because, first thing is its out of my control and imagination, and if anything, it is gonna be yet another lesson to learn, which is an opportunity to grow, because now u know this new thing can beat you down and you can design a new strategy against it. What I wanna focus on instead is the lessons that I have learnt so far -- I will give my best fight to not fall for the same situations that broke me before, because that's what it means to say the lesson is learnt. I won't say I will never fail, but I will surely say I WILL ALWAYS GET BACK UP.

Am sorry, the post got a lil longer than I intended, but its as short as I could make it without stripping off some essential stuff. Strength to all of us in this journey to find ourselves and become better-us-everyday!

 

Day 1!

 

I really like reading your post, especially your emphasis on higher studies, feel like there is a Ted speaker speaking here! I hope you achieve all the best!

 

Thanks a lot for your kind words and best wishes!! I hope you too achieve all that you want!

 

Day 4!

 

Round 5 day 0 - lesson learned : have sex but don't watch other people do it

 

day 4 / 30

 

Day 17 completed (47 in my current streak).

Am sorry if its inappropriate to say but the way u put ur lesson in words, I cracked up hahaha it made my day. And I am sure you can get back up again and fight harder. Lets do it!

 

Day 10/30

Yes, I managed to make it ⅓ of the way through this challenge. I feel elated that I've made it so far. In other news, I managed to break my nofap streak by two days so far. The goal line seems bigger and bigger with each day.

With all of that out if the way, I will say that I have had a somewhat negative drawback. Yesterday morning I had some interesting biological developments happen. I won't go into detail about it here, but I'll post a link to what happened below. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...nded-spontaneous-o-count-as-a-relapse.336787/.
All I can say is, I didn't know my body could even do that, even when I was fighting against it. I thought it was just an urge but it was apparently more than that. However, the general concensus in this case is that I didn't break my streak since I didn't do it intentionally and did try to fight it.

After yesterday though, I've been urge free. Well, here's to another day of (hopefully) successful recovery.

"God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference." —The Serenity Prayer

Day 10 down, 20 more to go.

 

Day 5/30 ⚡

 

Day 3/ 30 pmo free challenge. So help me God. I feel alot of groin pain rn. Haven't been triggered yet. I believe so much in Myself to scale Tru. I have alot to give to the world. I won't let this wicked addiction take control of my life. I am a winner

 

Day 4

 

Day 2.