Addiction as a way of life

I'm pretty sure you are just flat lining. Its hard to say how long that will last, but it you should be over it by about 90 days of no PMO, so stick with it. Good luck!

 

Try looking into ADD. It's just a screening test, it's not super scientific, but if you answer as honestly as you can and you score high, meds might help a lot.

 

Its not unusual for this to take several attempts. Take today to delete everything you have and change your passwords so you can't remember them. Today is the start of a new season, so its a good day to start a new, hopefully permanent streak. Good luck!

 

Hey @GamblerRus

Can I offer an alternative perspective?

It sounds as though you hold a lot of addictions and vices, and what I find has helped me in recovery is understanding why I started PMO'ing in the first place. When urges do pop up it helps to know exactly why and how to manage them. It also makes the road to recovery much clearer.

Using my current recovery as an example, urges to give in to my addictions would occur when I was either; stressed, lonely or bored. The crux of my situation is that I grew up in a stressful environment where I spent long periods of time alone. PMO, alcohol, drugs, junk food, sugar, TV, social media have all been me trying to avoid every and any negative feelings that came my way.

PMO was a safe way for me to feel sexually fulfilled without the risk of rejection. Drugs and alcohol allowed me to bypass all the mental chatter and be myself without the worry of being disliked. Scoffing on junk food allowed me to 'stuff down' the emotions I didn't want to feel. You get the point. For me addiction was simply me trying to get my needs met in ways I picked up through child and adulthood. The problem is that most if not all of these addictions are damaging.

It sounds like you are in the flatline right now, and to be honest the flatline is exactly where you want to be. Try as hard as you can not to relapse and just ride the flatline wave. As time goes by you will start to see your old self come back - I promise. I am on year 3 of recovery and my biggest regret is sitting on YouTube and playing computer in hopes of drowning out the flatline. It simply causes you to sit in this weird space between the flatline and general recovery, then eventually it will come back round when you attempt to cut out your addictions again. Sit in it and welcome it for as long as you can.

Hoping this helps in some way.

 

I grew up in a hyper stressful household too. What you describe is exactly what I did, and do, to self-medicate and numb out.

 

Does it feel like an aching heaviness in your balls?

 

We have been dealt a tough hand, but I honestly think that being aware of the cause will provide you with solid foundation for your recovery.

I think the biggest gem I learnt was that a lack of physical affection from parents during childhood, can result in the constant need for stimulation i.e. habitual rocking, compulsive eating and masturbation. In short, an upbringing without serious love and affection from my parents, is what has resulted in my constant need for stimulation (masturbation, food, TV, socials).

@flyswat taking my hat off to you for being aware of why you are here.

 

Thank you for the message of hope.

 

Keep going bro, that's the right decision: to fight the habit and live a real life after that.
Please, consider watching this, I think it will help you as it is helping me: https://beltoftruthministries.org/a-greater-lust

 

It sounds like blue balls you're experiencing which is perfectly normal. The two ways to get past it is it to a) push through b) relapse.

If you keep going the discomfort will subside.