100 Cold Approaches

14 approaches. 1 number

It's been a long time since I did a daygame session like this. I didn't feel like approaching women today, so I really had to drag myself out of my house. It's like feeling tired and not wanting to go for a run. But when you wait for energy and motivation before going for a run, you might be waiting your whole life.

It's the same with daygame. You can't just wait for the moment of "being in the mood for daygame". There exists no such thing. You will never be in the mood. There will always be an excuse ready. Maybe you're too tired. Maybe you have a pimple. Maybe you don't have the perfect clothes. Maybe you think it's too cold outside. Maybe your diet isn't in check. Maybe you don't have the ideal NoFap streak.

My perfectionism has long been an obstacle for taking action. Defeating myself with inappropriate goals and standards. Thinking that if I fail, that that's an overwhelming personal defeat. Evaluating my performance exlcusively on the outcome, regardless of my individual effort.

I've been doing push-ups in public lately and that really helps against the AA. My mindset has become healthier, i.e. having more self-esteem without needing the approval of others. So now I experience less fear and shame when I'm running after a girl. If she ignores me, I don't catastrophize and think "what does this rejection say about me?"

53/100

 

Yesterday I did 8 sets. 1 number.

Street approaches during a Friday evening are tough. It was between 6-8 pm, so a lot of girls were going to a certain place [meeting friends, boyfriend] so most girls that were walking alone weren't open for a chat. I got blanked/ignored a lot. I went out with other wingmen.

For one approach I had to do a considerable run to open. It was an Italian eurocrat girl and we get talking. She goes out of her way to take her smartphone and show her the town she's from on Google Maps. Chat goes fine and she asks me questions. Maybe after 8 minutes her Dutch boyfriend comes. He's cool, we shake hands. I respectively back off. I found it weird because I didn't get the feeling that this girl was on her way to meet somebody.

Another approach that led to a nice chat was a French student. She didn't ask me a lot of questions but she was standing still and smiling a lot, so I kept going. When I try to number close, she says that she has a boyfriend. When I usually get that response, I throw the towel in the ring... During a 'debrief', my daygame buddies suggested me to try again when she says that, especially when it's a long conversation like I had. Maybe next time I'll say something like "Is he a real or an imaginary boyfriend?"

The number I got was from a Bulgarian-Turkish girl. But she ignored my text.

61/100

 

4 approaches. 1 i-date. 1 date. 2 kisses.

If you would have told me that I was going to kiss 2 different girls who are both doctors within the same time span of 2 hours tonight, I wouldn't have believed you.

So I had a date tonight and I decided to go to the city a bit earlier to do some approaches.

I meet with my wingmen. I do 3 approaches. No severe blow-outs but the girls aren't interested.

Then there's the 4th approach. I initiate a jog and tell her that she has a dreamy look. She's a Brazilian ICU doctor who just arrived in the country 2 days ago. I bounce her for an instant date. It's a pleasant conversation. We talk a bit about our background and what not. She likes Russian literature. We talk about concepts like "progress", and she says how progress in society isn't always a good thing.

Our legs are touching. She's looking at me pretty intensively. I touch her hand and she reciprocates. I have a time constraint so we leave the bar. We walk a bit and then I kiss her in public. She kisses me back pretty intensively.

I go to my date. A Belgian girl with Italian roots who is an ER doctor. I approached her a month ago but she always had night shifts so no time for a date. It's the same bar where I had the date with the Italian-English expat [who is now in Italy]. Again, it's a nice conversation. She makes the effort to keep the conversation going. Towards the end of the date we talk about Italian hand gestures. I then ask her "and... what does this mean?" whilst going for the kiss. She also kisses me back pretty intensively. We walk towards the train station. I kiss her 2 more times. I take the metro and she the train.

I'm not sure if this is "NoFap superpowers". I guess it's a combination of action and luck. But NoFap plays a big role in this journey. I don't think I would be doing this if I was still numbing my brain with P.

65/100

 

Yesterday 4 approaches. 1 number. Today 1 approach.

I met up with my wings and two of them were dressed up as Santa Claus because it was Halloween. It was funny, a lot of people wanted pictures with them. I think it's a good way to get comfortable doing something uncomfortable. But there was no approach vibe.

Although I think approaching in the evening is harder, it shouldn't be an excuse. Yeah most girls are in groups and girls that walk alone are going from A to B. They aren't just hovering around. But my encounter of yesterday shows that adopting this belief is extremely limiting. So what if most girls reject you during the evening? Isn't that the case for cold approach in general? Every rejection makes you stronger anyway.

I have one number but she was reluctant to give it and I don't believe it will lead to anywhere because she didn't ask me any question [I don't see the contact in WhatsApp]. I said that her outfit reminded me of The Matrix.

Sometimes I think I'm a bit too nice. Like I want to find a connection/agree with everything a girl says. The problem is that a girl probably gets that from all the guys she meets. But you don't stand out like that. The truth is that you don't push a girl's buttons when you're an agreeable nice guy who says "oh you're in sales? cool!". Besides, treating her like she's special is not really genuine, because there's an agenda. You're expecting something in return. You think that if you give her approval, that you will get her approval back. Sexual dynamics don't work like that. Girls are always eager to qualify themselves [i.e. invest] in guys who are a bit cocky.

The last approach yesterday was an indirect opener on the metro. Two girls were dressed up for Halloween so I asked them where they were going to party. It led to a nice conversation but they were a bit too young for me.

Today I did one approach. I tried to challenge the girl a bit. I said something about her English. She says her English is good. I make a gesture with my hand and say that her English ok, but not great. She says wow and bites her lips. But it didn't go anywhere eventually.

70/100

Thanks for your post, buddy!

Having approach anxiety is normal. There is no magic bullet against it. Waiting for your anxiety to disappear before you do approaches is like waiting to be healthy before jogging. Action comes first, then the motivation. There are no shortcuts.

That's why I would advice you to do indirect openers first with no pressure of a conversation. Or try to do 'hit-and-runs' by giving girls flyby compliments.

The fact that you're about to move city shouldn't be an obstacle. I see cold approaching more of a process-orientated journey instead of a result-orientated one. If you start approaching in your current city, you will already have some experience when you're moving, and you can build on that. My situation isn't "ideal" either. I live in the countryside. Yet that doesn't stop me from meeting and dating girls in the city. I put on my shoes, get out of my house, jump on my bicycle and take public transportation to go to my capital city.

If you wait on a situation to be ideal, you might be waiting a very long time... Men who get success are men who accept their situation and take action. That doesn't mean that it's always easy.

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Roosevelt

 

2 dates. 3 approaches. 1 number

So I had a date with a Venezuelan girl I approached last Thursday. She speaks zero English. A tiny bit of French, but not enough to have a conversation. We had to communicate a lot through Google Translate. Sometimes she just spoke Spanish to me with me not understanding one word. But it was fun. There was kino. Putting my hand on her legs, on her back, etc. She touched me too. I tried to kiss close a few times but she always rejected whilst saying "pas aujourd'hui'.

Afterwards I had a date with the Brazilian girl whom I had an i-date with this weekend. Eventually, I felt no attraction at all. So I just had a drink with her and after that, I said that I had to go home.

Before that date I approached a girl in the line of a bank ATM. I open indiretly by saying "how long do you think this line takes?". We get chatting. She's a French vet student. She asked me a few questions so I go for the number close before it's her turn. I ask her name and I take out my phone. She immediately says "no". Ouch! But that's okay. I'm glad that I shot my shot.

I also approached a cute Indian tourist who is travelling alone. She leaves tomorrow but I don't think I will try to go for a date because normally I'm seeing a friend tomorrow.

After the date I approached a girl eating a Belgian waffle, saying that she looks happy. An Italian-American girl from New Jersey. We get into a conversation. Instead of finding a connection about everything, I teased her a bit. I tried to bounce for an instant date, but she rejects. We just walked a bit together. It was pleasant. She said that she appreciated my forwardness.

73/100

 

A few days ago I did nightgame. I first did some solo 'evening game' on the streets. A few nice interactions, but no numbers. Then I went out with a friend and his friends.

I can add 14 approaches. I don't have much impetus to write about the approaches, whereas I used to describe them in detail in the past. I had a nice chat with a Lebanese girl. It was actually a friend who approached 2 girls outside. I joined later and then the Lebanese girl, who was a friend of these girls, joined later too. I started talking to her. It was nice, when I touched her arm, she touched mine. I got her number and am texting her.

Talking to girls during the night is different. Sometimes I feel that I need to entertain girls. "What do I need to say so that I can be funny?" But only being a clown isn't good either. But you need some amused mastery where you communicate that you don't take life too seriously. It needs a spice of mythology... With daytime approaches it's less of a big deal, I think.

87/100

Thanks, man. That's a good mindset you have there. Looking forward to read more about your journey!

 

I did 45 approaches this week.

On Monday I did nightgame with a friend. Before that I approached a French girl at a university campus who I normally have a date with on Tuesday. 9 approaches, nothing special.

Friday I did a long daygame session where I did 32 approaches. 3 numbers. None of them replied. Some of them were nice conversations with girls blushing etc.

Today I did some daygame too... 2 approaches in. Girls don't give me a chance to talk. I walk a bit more, waiting on a wing. A girl passes who makes eye contact. I open and say that she has nice eyes. I add conversational pieces by saying that she has a dreamy look, how everyone is so stressed but that she looks relaxed, etc. She says that's because she believes in God. Before I know, she is doing all the work and asking me questions. A Moroccon girl. She then says "Do you want to walk?". I suggest drinking a coffee. She then takes me to a hookah bar. We order a hookah and mint tea. We go upstairs and sit next to eachother. I'm thinking it's on.

She does a lot of the talking. I tried to break the touch barrier a few times but she objected to this. I'm not going to analyze the interaction I had with her any further. I think she did set the frame that I was more like a younger brother, as she is 29. But the fact remains that it was a pleasant spontaneous interaction with a nice girl and all of this just happened because I took action.

This is what cold approaching looks like:

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. YES.

100/100
32/100

I'm not sure if I will still be actively logging my approaching. The degree of detail in which I describe the approaches has declined. I think that's because doing an approach isn't a novel experience anymore. On the other hand, I didn't really describe the first few approaches either. There was a time where I would dedicate paragraphs to describe the fact that I asked a girl for directions lol. Good times! But I don't think I can completely let go off this thread...

 

Tuesday I did 9 approaches and got 5 numbers.

Today I did 30 approaches and got 7 numbers.

It's funny how, before a daygame session, the approach anxiety and weaseling are still kicking my ass. But then I do a few approaches and *poof*, I enter a state where it's pretty easy to approach girls. I run after a girl and open with joy and get pretty good reactions too. This feeling is magical. It's almost like a supernatural power. But then the next time I'm about to do daygame, my brain selectively forgets this and the usual negative thoughts are haunting me again "You'll look like a fool!", "She will have a boyfriend!", "People will see you get rejected. It will be humiliating!" etc.

So the fear will always be there. I just need to be able to plough through the first approaches which are absolutely gutting, and then I get into a mood where I can easily do more than 20 approaches it seems. Going out with other guys who do this helped me a lot though. Today I also did approaches before and after I met with my wingmen. Sometimes I feel that I need the "structure" of meeting other daygamers in order to do an approach. I will have to do some solo daygame too.

I'm being pretty direct lately. I usually tell a girl that she looks relaxed and that I want to know why. Girls know that I'm flirting. This is different when you use an indirect opener like "where can I find the closest supermarket?". I don't really see myself using these kind openers anymore for street approaches. Today I multiple times inserted the statement that the girl looks nice and that I want to say hi. With some girls I said "You know I'm hitting on you right?" after a few minutes of talking... It's a striking realization that most girls seem to enjoy being approached, even if they are not interested. Why do we always have these negative thoughts that paralyze us when reality doesn't seem to correspond these negative predictions?

71/100

Cheers for your post man! I'm really glad you enjoyed reading this thread. It's a pretty large document at this point lol. I hope you can share your own stories soon!