100 Cold Approaches

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

104/1000

Made one cold approach in class and had several missed opportunities. I turned around and asked a question I absolutely didnt need the answer to but I needed an excuse to talk. I had been in class for about half an hour and I had been listening to two girls talking behind me. I decided to turn around to get a look at them and instead of turning right back, I asked them a question as if that was my intention. I talked with them for about a minute before turning back. Then I noticed a girl sitting in front of me started showing signs of interest. I didnt act on it. My line of thought was that she was sitting a little too far away. Then I went from that class to another class and the cute girl from last week sat right in front of me. I chickened out and didnt talk to her during the 2 hours including lunch break I had to make something of it.

I still think I am in a pretty early stage of this whole proccess. I am stacking tiny victories. I need to open up a lot more around people. Approach anxiety is strong. I even have a hard time opening dudes. Its no difference between dudes and girls actually. I dont actually feel anxious if anyone starts talking to me so its not social anxiety per se, but it just feels absurd to chat with strangers out of the blue. I dont have a single negative experience recently but the fear is still strong.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

110/1000

I made a psychological breaktrough of sorts. Since my last update I made around 6 approaches and got approached once. Made a few approaches today. In class, girls sat down all around me really and I decided to ask the girls in front of me if they was feeling good about the test which is in a few days. It was a short chat and in the second sentence I made an off hand comment about how we need a coffee machine in our building. Then I dropped the conversation. I wasnt that attracted to either of them and they seemed tense. The two girls one row further ahead was checking me out though. To me they seemed a little too far away to open but maybe I should have. During break I left my place and opened a group outside the classroom. Asked if they knew of a coffee machine. One of the girls responded that there is a cafeteria just accross the street. I replied that it is a little expensive and she said "yea, true that". Then I disengaged. Before the last class of the day, I opened a group of three girls.

Two of them had a warm response and asked me some questions. They were pretty shy and looked down a lot. Then I stopped talking and after a minutes silence they asked me "and how about you?". In class, I sat at the back row because it was the only place with a computer charger. Two girls sat behind me. After a while I turned around and asked them if they had done chapter six. They were talking a lot and joking so I figured opening them would be a good idea. They answered "We are doing a little bit of everything. Are you stuck?". I locked eyes with one of them and she is the prettiest girl I have seen all week honestly. She kept solid eye contact for 4 seconds or so, didnt flinch and seemed really open. I didnt feel nervous. My next sentence was "No, I havent started on it yet. I was just wondering if it was hard". She replied that she thought it was the easiest chapter except something about schrødingers equation. When we left class, I told her "good luck on Thursday". She gave me a big smile and told me "you too!".

One girl chatted me up out of nowhere today as I was leaving for class. She seemed pretty extroverted and kept me locked in a conversation for a good 5 minutes. She thought she knew me from somewhere, asked me to help her with a problem and asked me a few personal questions, all within the span of a few minutes. I didnt find her that attractive but she seemed like a cool girl. As I left, she told me "see you around".

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

111/1000

Said Hi to a girl while waiting for a test today. She replied with a shaky voice and went to the bathroom shortly after. She returned and I asked her if she felt like she was ready. We started chatting back and forth. We sat next to each others in the classroom and chatted for 10-15 minutes before the test. We kept strong eye contact the entire time. She told me that she have seen me around a couple times but didnt know my name. We exchanged names.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Cant count this one. Got approached by a girl today. She insisted I have been at her appartement which is an odd way to start a conversation. I met her at the club. There wasnt a lot of people there and I went home after one drink. There wasnt any people to talk with really. Except that girl. I didnt find her that attractive. She wasnt ugly or anything but didnt flip any of my switches. I feel ambivalent about that one. I could obviously have made something happen but didnt. Beggars cant be choosers, right? But at the same time, I am too proud to lower my standards. Maybe I need to visit a different city. I know too many people here. The female bouncer knew me by name (I dont know hers).

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Warm approach today. Roadtrip with my sisters best friend. I was going to my cabin and she needed to be dropped off close by. We get along quite well. We had a good talk about all the recent drama between her and their third friend on a trip to France recently where the last friend which I have known for years broke out of the friend group for good after a huge argument. Then she knew about the drama in my family too from talking to my sister. We listened to music and ate Easter candy for the two hours it lasted. Got a hug even though its only the second time I have met her.

 

[EscapingPMO]

Warm approach today. Roadtrip with my sisters best friend. I was going to my cabin and she needed to be dropped off close by. We get along quite well. We had a good talk about all the recent drama between her and their third friend on a trip to France recently where the last friend which I have known for years broke out of the friend group for good after a huge argument. Then she knew about the drama in my family too from talking to my sister. We listened to music and ate Easter candy for the two hours it lasted. Got a hug even though its only the second time I have met her.

What do you think would happen if you started to get more “aggressive” with your approaches and “go for the close” more often..

meaning either asking for the number in a romantic way or even going for the kiss? And I don’t mean like if the girl is obviously not interested, but just like if the girl seems either neutral or somewhat interested

what are your thoughts on this?

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

112/1000

Back from Easter Holliday. I almost skipped out on class today but it was obligatory so I would have opted out from Genetics class if I didnt show up. I showed up half an hour early and a girl approached me and asked "can I sit here". I told her yes and realized this was an approach invitation. She basically cold approached me. She sat down and didnt say anything more. I asked her if she was having the molecular lab too. I also asked her if she was tired since she seemed pretty tired. She replied "yes" and asked me how my Easter holliday was. Told her I spent some time at my cabin. Then we started talking about Genetics and how we both think the topic is way harder than neccessary. We didnt talk for too long after that. I accidentally made her aware of something she had forgot to read before the lab so she sat accross from me and tried to watch a 20 min video on how to perform the experiment.

I was half expecting to chat with her until we entered the classroom but she ran off and I thought she ended up skipping the whole thing. In class, we had to work together in groups of two. She entered class 2 minutes late and by that time I had already paired up with the dude next to me. She came over to my table and asked to borrow a pipette. She returned it 10 minutes or so later and told me thanks. I wanted to talk to her a little more but the experiment required full focus. I was done an hour before the rest of the class and just went to the gym and then back home.

I will probably see her again sometime next week. I have been cold approached multiple times recently but this girl was actually hot and caught my attention. I wish I was a little more proactive while I had the chance before the lecture but all in all, it was a pretty decent interaction.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

I am thinking of doing this with more intention. I have been doing approaches in periods then I have a period hiding in my apartment again. Now I want to to do approaches the proper way. The real purpose of it all is to overcome that anxiety of rejection. I need to hit the streets and put myself in uncomfortable situations.

I want to build myself up to 4 approaches a day but I am not that ambitious yet. If I make 1 approach this week then I am quite happy.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Starting over

My previous 100+ "approaches" Was some time ago and most of them werent even proper approaches. Its been a few months since I did any approaches at all. I feel like I am at the same level as I was a year ago. I am not horrible with women but I hardly ever interact with them so they wouldnt know. Today I took the bus to the closest shopping center and strolled around a little. The place seemed quite empty but it was scary enough knowing that the reason I was there was to do cold approaches. I didnt make any today. I was checking out the place, been a while since I was there. I saw a couple pretty women in my time there.

I read somewhere here that it took one guy 4 months to make his first approach. It wont take me 4 months to psyche myself up if I do this every day. I may need a couple attempts though.

Day 1 of strolling around.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Day 2 cold approaching

I didnt approach anyone today neither but here is a short summary of my day: Woke up and brewed some coffee, meditated 15 minutes and went to the gym. I am pretty sure I experienced an approach invitation of sorts at the gym. Didnt make anything off it. Then I went home and cold showered. Then I took the bus to the mall. Spent an hour there, mostly grocery shopping. I went a little later today than the other day and about when I was about to leave, it seemed to fill up with attractive women. Went back home and worked on my business idea for around an hour, then made some food. 18 hours or so of fasting. I will take the bus again tomorrow and spend around an hour. I could maybe approach people in my town eventually but I find it a little less nerve wrecking to approach somewhere where I know less people. The venue may not be ideal at all times. Its been pretty empty both times so far. Seems like I maybe arrive a little early.

 

[TheCarver]

i been taking weeks off of approaching ( after kind of being burnt out by all this rejection) but i already been approaching 9 girls with no luck :/ 2 gave me their number which never responded back to my texts, which 1 said laughed and said “sure” so i thought i was good to go and we can set something up but no i asked if she wanted to hangout sometime and nothing. but its fine cause i realized later i wasn’t that attracted to any of these girls to begin with, in fact im getting rejected by ugly girls even ones that smiled first still wont respond to me if i ask for their number.

im thinking since i have an addiction to masturbating that it just might be messing me up with all the talk of it making you ugly and so forth, and i think my face looks much better now at 25 days so im praying i hope i dont fuck up and relapse and do something stupid like play with myself and go full on with it. i was at a long streak of 62 days and 126 days, but during that whole streak i never bothered to approach anyone.

does anyone know how long it will take for me or how long did it take for you for that matter to receive women attraction on your streaks?

28, been masturbating since i was 13 multiple times a day (not addicted to porn at all)

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

i been taking weeks off of approaching ( after kind of being burnt out by all this rejection) but i already been approaching 9 girls with no luck :/ 2 gave me their number which never responded back to my texts, which 1 said laughed and said “sure” so i thought i was good to go and we can set something up but no i asked if she wanted to hangout sometime and nothing. but its fine cause i realized later i wasn’t that attracted to any of these girls to begin with, in fact im getting rejected by ugly girls even ones that smiled first still wont respond to me if i ask for their number.

im thinking since i have an addiction to masturbating that it just might be messing me up with all the talk of it making you ugly and so forth, and i think my face looks much better now at 25 days so im praying i hope i dont fuck up and relapse and do something stupid like play with myself and go full on with it. i was at a long streak of 62 days and 126 days, but during that whole streak i never bothered to approach anyone.

does anyone know how long it will take for me or how long did it take for you for that matter to receive women attraction on your streaks?

28, been masturbating since i was 13 multiple times a day (not addicted to porn at all)

Being bad with women has nothing to do with looks really. Maybe looks can get you a foot in the door but it wont last for long if your follow up is bad. I also think that PMO severely messes with our heads. It is so easy. The online girls will never reject you, never give you shit tests. Real life is a lot more complicated. I congratulate you on making 9 approaches but that isnt nearly enough to draw conclusions. My suggestion is to just keep trying. At least 100 cold approaches and you will improve.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

Day 3

1/100

I messed up yesterday night and neglected my sleep. Ended up in bed at 5 am and woke up late. I managed to get trough my routine still:

Woke up at 13.30, brewed some coffee, meditated 10 minutes, hit the gym. I brought a book to the gym and read 4 pages or so in the lobby before going back home. I went straight into the shower. It was already turned to the coldest setting from yesterday. It was easier today. Then I took the bus to the same mall again. The time was already 18.30 or so by the time I got to the mall. I strolled around. I had no plan really. Went into two different book shops before finding a gift shop. I went in and realized the woman working there was pretty hot. She asked me the standard "do you need any help?". I always say no thanks but today I decided to have a conversation. I told her I was looking for a birthday present for my mum and asked if she got any ideas. She suggested candy, tea, coffe mug etc. I asked if she had tried any of the teas. It was a relatively subtle sentence but she hesitated a little before telling me that she isnt a tea person. I count that as an approach. Her job is to be nice to people but thats where I am at. I have already gone outside of my comfort zone by even being in a shopping mall.

 

[TheCarver]

Being bad with women has nothing to do with looks really. Maybe looks can get you a foot in the door but it wont last for long if your follow up is bad. I also think that PMO severely messes with our heads. It is so easy. The online girls will never reject you, never give you shit tests. Real life is a lot more complicated. I congratulate you on making 9 approaches but that isnt nearly enough to draw conclusions. My suggestion is to just keep trying. At least 100 cold approaches and you will improve.

online girls are even worse thats why i gave up on dating apps. it takes me 2-3 hours just to find 1 girl at the park depending on how many people are walking. so 100 will take me awhile, but now you got me debating if i should keep doing it there or wait for school to start back up and approach on campus which i been told is more socially acceptable. so i think even if i made it to 100 approaches everybody will say the same thing “i have a boyfriend” even plain girls say it and dont give a fuck about me.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

online girls are even worse thats why i gave up on dating apps. it takes me 2-3 hours just to find 1 girl at the park depending on how many people are walking. so 100 will take me awhile, but now you got me debating if i should keep doing it there or wait for school to start back up and approach on campus which i been told is more socially acceptable. so i think even if i made it to 100 approaches everybody will say the same thing “i have a boyfriend” even plain girls say it and dont give a fuck about me.

I did 112 "approaches" at campus last semester. The reason I started over is because I didnt actually get much better at cold approaching. I almost exclusively did social circle approaching which isnt really the same thing. Example of an approach: Cute girl in front of me in class. During break I ask her about something random like "do you know how the coffee machine works?". The girls I talked with was girls I had seen multiple times before. It is more socially acceptable but it is a lot different. I didnt learn much, didnt improve.

 

[TheCarver]

I did 112 "approaches" at campus last semester. The reason I started over is because I didnt actually get much better at cold approaching. I almost exclusively did social circle approaching which isnt really the same thing. Example of an approach: Cute girl in front of me in class. During break I ask her about something random like "do you know how the coffee machine works?". The girls I talked with was girls I had seen multiple times before. It is more socially acceptable but it is a lot different. I didnt learn much, didnt improve.

so you think it’s overall better in your opinion or wont make much a difference for me?

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

so you think it’s overall better in your opinion or wont make much a difference for me?

It depends. Social circle interactions are generally a lot easier to kick off, much less nerve wrecking but unless you make your intentions clear, it can become a dead end. Probably not a complete waste of time. It wasnt for me but smalltalking was never an issue for me. I struggle with flirtation, getting people on a date, getting past just friendly chitchat.

 

[TheCarver]

It depends. Social circle interactions are generally a lot easier to kick off, much less nerve wrecking but unless you make your intentions clear, it can become a dead end. Probably not a complete waste of time. It wasnt for me but smalltalking was never an issue for me. I struggle with flirtation, getting people on a date, getting past just friendly chitchat.

so with that being said, think my best course of action should be some self improvement in the meantime. im debating if i should go through another 90 day streak with no edging period. cause even though i didnt notice any difference with women, that could of screwed up my benefits however.

or continue to fap and approach cause its kind of frustrating now that i cant get no release, and to add salt to the wounds cant spark no attraction whatsoever from no woman on apps or in real life while going through with retention. and even though i dont really have a opinion on my physical appearance im not horrible looking so i just dont get it. i better atleast get 5 numbers by 90 days otherwise im truly fucked and going nowhere with this and im 28 years old, which will just drive me to just go back to porn and masturbating.

im not giving up hope yet since during my past long streaks, i didnt approach anyone with intention of dating, so i might just get lucky on a long streak.

 

[NF SINCE BIRTH]

so with that being said, think my best course of action should be some self improvement in the meantime. im debating if i should go through another 90 day streak with no edging period. cause even though i didnt notice any difference with women, that could of screwed up my benefits however.

or continue to fap and approach cause its kind of frustrating now that i cant get no release, and to add salt to the wounds cant spark no attraction whatsoever from no woman on apps or in real life while going through with retention. and even though i dont really have a opinion on my physical appearance im not horrible looking so i just dont get it. i better atleast get 5 numbers by 90 days otherwise im truly fucked and going nowhere with this and im 28 years old, which will just drive me to just go back to porn and masturbating.

im not giving up hope yet since during my past long streaks, i didnt approach anyone with intention of dating, so i might just get lucky on a long streak.

Nofap is the main reason we are on this site. Personally I would not recommend online dating while rebooting. Tons of triggers and its an emotional rollercoaster. It takes an awful lot of time compared to what you get out of it. Probably overall a bad thing for your mental health. I also heard that the woman-men ratio is off the charts on there with Tinder having ratios of 9:1. Its probably not that bad on all apps but to make matters worse: Women only swipe right on 4 out of 100 profiles. Reality is not that harsh. Dating apps ends up giving you the impression that no woman will ever love you.

Nofap bypasses your anxieties. If you eliminate every other option to get off and limit your other dopamine rewarding activities, you will eventually be extremely motivated to get out of your house and interact with real women. You will still fear getting rejected and be anxious but your sex drive is a force of nature. It has worked for your entire bloodline since the beginning of time. It is what makes you take action despite you feeling nervous. The reward is so much greater than the risk.

You need to re program your brain in this way. And if you are a serious addict like myself, it takes more than 90 days to fully reboot. Probably more like 180.

 

[TheCarver]

Nofap is the main reason we are on this site. Personally I would not recommend online dating while rebooting. Tons of triggers and its an emotional rollercoaster. It takes an awful lot of time compared to what you get out of it. Probably overall a bad thing for your mental health. I also heard that the woman-men ratio is off the charts on there with Tinder having ratios of 9:1. Its probably not that bad on all apps but to make matters worse: Women only swipe right on 4 out of 100 profiles. Reality is not that harsh. Dating apps ends up giving you the impression that no woman will ever love you.

Nofap bypasses your anxieties. If you eliminate every other option to get off and limit your other dopamine rewarding activities, you will eventually be extremely motivated to get out of your house and interact with real women. You will still fear getting rejected and be anxious but your sex drive is a force of nature. It has worked for your entire bloodline since the beginning of time. It is what makes you take action despite you feeling nervous. The reward is so much greater than the risk.

You need to re program your brain in this way. And if you are a serious addict like myself, it takes more than 90 days to fully reboot. Probably more like 180.

yeah been masturbating since i was 13 now 28 multiple times a day if that helps. i only started watching porn in my 20s, either way, i was never really addicted to it.

you said bypasses my anxiety? i feel like i have more anxiety now not sure when it ever leaves. i probably should get off all caffeine though, its tough.

now this is giving me some more hope since you said 180 days. i only made it to 126 last year and i was constantly edging on and off so it probably never even counted and i was just on day 0 everyday and didn’t experience no benefits besides maybe i was getting more looks by women but that’s it.

im scared of relapsing this time cause my last streak of like 62 days my brain tricked me into taking a bath and then i started pre-cuming by stretching my penis because i was so horny (so my mind didn’t count it as edging) then one thing after another i went full blown.

i just made it to day 30 today.