Day 1 Sorry brothers, the thoughts got to me and I lost my streak; the bright side is that I didn't do it to porn and I didn't end up binging like last time, though I am feeling mild chasers, but compared to what I fighting a few days ago, they're nothing I can't handle. Anyways I'm not beating myself up over it, I made it three and a half weeks without popping one, when around this time last year I couldn't even do three days, so I'm calling this progress. Plus now I know where I stand, just got to work with it.
few more hours home alone. Urges are there. Stopped playing video games, too triggering. Getting drunk. Watching documentaries.
Day 23. I clearly don't want to write. I have this urge to take a break from this. I don't know. Maybe it's just an addiction trying to isolate me. Feeling of pointlessness persists. But today I'll just stick to philosophy of pushing myself. I don't know what to say. I am feeling low, irritated and avoidant all day. I wonder if it's because of nofap or something else. Got entangled into conference stuff, but just that... For years I pushed emotions away with pmo. In my teen and later years I masturbated almost every day. Sad -> pmo, angry -> pmo, anxious -> pmo, avoidant -> pmo, depressed -> pmo, too happy, manic -> pmo,... I think back then I could pass baseline test easily because of so much numbing myself. But now I am not even close to baseline. Of course, I don't know how to deal with emotions in healthy way. But, live and learn. Disclaimer. If I post a scene for illustration, that doesn't mean I recommend watching the moviefilm or watch it myself. Spoiler: Journey stuff Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 23. No coffee - day 23.
Being home alone and getting drunk - not a good combination. Believe me, I am a son of alcoholic. Don't let life break you! You are stronger than you think!
7 days @e r i k _ s a t i e exactly, thanks Instead of PMO I finally started watching The Rings of Power. What an awesome series! I was fearing that they would sexualize Galadriel but I'm glad they didn't Still no porn in this world Today is another challenge for a few hours. While I believe I can make it I must not undsrestimate my addiction. Take care brothers
Week 5 checkin "35 days Moria, the greatest Dwarven Kingdom, is before you. With a beard and a axe, you´re a Dwarf now" Meeting an old friend later today. I see that while I have been tackling PMO/ Lust & Pcstn/ Laziness to a lesser degree, my work will on pride has not been great. Not beating myself up just need to up my game. Knowing this is making me irritable and not pleasant to be around. Commitment to change for this week is to take the log out of my own eye first.
Day 5 My dad completed a cyclothon of 100kms today. I should live up to my family. I should break my dad's record in cycling and I should also be the first one in my family to complete a half marathon. I will try to do these goals once I am done with my exams. My dad was also a very bright student and went to the one of the best college in my state. I should at least live up to the family ideal or even increase it and make my ancestors proud. I will try my best.
Day 18 no PMO. Driving home today. It’s a long drive so I’m not looking forward to it but at least I’ll be back in my own bed tonight.
Relapsed yesterday but I really want to share you something, please read. Yestarday I relapsed, but the bad thing is this. I was not jus masturbating with porn, I was searching scort services, my idea at the begining was not to ask for the service, but more horney I were, more I wanted to. On the time while I was masturbatig, I was asking for services trougth whatsapp (I asked a lot of girls). But then I cum and I left a lot of "quotations" there. After an hour I received a message from (in theory) the procurer of all some of the ladies that I ask information, asking me for money because I just was playing arround and not asking anything. This really freak me out because he ask me for money but if I don't pay will be consequences. After some time I talked to them, and they aske me for the money again, after some talk I just bloqued them and didn't anwer anymore. After this I have 2 main thougts: It's just people trying to get money (something really common in my country) They are really bad people, the thougt that really concerns me. I didn't give any information that relates with me but I still scary, I didn't sleep well thinking on that. So the reason that I'm telling this is to make make yourself this question:, Will I wait to something really bad happen to leave PMO or I will do it NOW. I hope that this problem will solve and is just the life giving me a lesson. I really hope that.
Checking in Fellowship Friends! 138 Days Free of PMO Today is a difficult day, I feel wired, fatigue and anxiety. I was planning on working out today, but my body refuses in many ways. I will yield, as I really am not feeling all that well, although upset about it. I'm not sure what exactly is evoking this wired/stress reaction, it's disheartening when it happens. On another note, I've just received an mp3 player with no screen, that I ordered. I did this as I wanted to add Wim Hof breathing mp3 version to it. I want to put an effort to not reach for my phone for at least 1 hour, from when I wake up. Hoping that this will have a positive impact. Stay Strong! @Diderik Thank you for the kind words brother! @nerdy_owl Be careful with these things brother, consider that if they ever knew your identity they would try to blackmail you. Realize that even reaching an escort is empty, you are just looking for a quick high to fix your current situation, you know that it won't. Do your best not to give in to those temptations and learn from this experience.