Day 19 check in. Made it through the day. I notice that my brain still has a tendency to want to objectify women and look at cleavage, but I’m at the point that I’m noticing this and I’m working on myself to have this not be a thing.
Day 3 I was going to ramble about this but I will save for my personal journal. Any way, I believe you can get recovered/healed by 90 days or within. It depends on the individual. How you properly do it and that is all I'm going say. Well let's just say it is an idea where a fellow friend (Angel.) said so. I believe so after having experiencing it on my 24 days streak previously. It will take time and you have to do it properly. I believe so. But let's see if I can do it in this streak or if I decide to continue to give Hard Mode a go a couple more attempts. Yesterday/earlier, I am feeling good and take my normal/daily supplements. It's helping me mentality. I think it is also the supplements that I am taking as well. It makes me feel great along with a combination of good amount of sleep. Just imagine if I was in a streak if I'm already feeling this good. I remember at one time when I was going on my streak suddenly I started to become a little bit more creative. I can't explain it. One of those days I just experienced it in my past streak. Who knows what I can achieve and gain when I am in a higher streak. Just saying it is worth every effort but it is not easy. I don't know, just self reflecting on this current streak and I know there is a possibility I will fail. I can't get past my plateau. Which I am referring to is my PR on my no PMO streak. I thought of a strategy on what I can do to overcome this plateau once I reached there. But we will see if it works well or not. My personal record is still 28 Days of no PMO. Let's see if I can pass this with this new strategy of mine that I will put into use. Not sure if it will work but I will use it once I'm in the late 20+ days mark. I am okay with that if I fail. Taking is a break is not a bad thing as long as I don't quit altogether. I must continue eventually. I get to take a break from Hard Mode that will sounds nice. But quitting is forever for me. At this very moment, I am unsure about this current streak. But I know I have to be vigilant still. Going to keep fighting as a Jedi Let's go fellow Jedis. Again, holy crap. @Luxor , you know what I was thinking? I want to do a 10 - 30 days check in. But I feel people think I am showing off if I do that in my challenges. Well I will see. There is a reason why I am going to do that later on. It's not about showing off! Lol. In llum, harvest my crystal I must. Keep Training
Day 20 check in. The days are going by relatively okay. I haven’t really had the urges to watch anything, but I’m noticing that my brain still has a tendency to do old habits like objectifying women and looking at them. I’m becoming more and more aware around this and I’m communicating when I notice this as to hold myself accountable to old habits. I’m continuing to work on myself and improve and can say I’m happy with the person I’m becoming! Diving into day 21.
Day 4 Urges were building yesterday and was hard down below. Urges were enough to want to do the deed. Because of that I wanted sex. Again, if I was going to O then it better be with a woman I really like. Ideally, O when I'm already married with a wife not with PMO. Unless if I was in Semen Retention streak then I can't O. Hmm. That's it. Was it an attack? Of course it was. There was P images and videos in my mind as well. My addicted self wanted to do it. There was ideas of what it wanted to do but I don't want to share because I don't want to trigger or give any one ideas. But this wasn't the worse I have endured though. Boredom also came in and gave me urges (not sexual) to want to do PMO. Yes, it is possible but it not sexual urges pushing me to do it. More on boredom. I have done it before in past before coming back here this year for the ones that doesn't know because of boredom. But good thing, it is not a heavy urge (not sexual) just because I am bored. Loneliness came in too as well. That's it. Oh I guess I will share this. I saw a video of a woman's testimony on her P addiction. I think she had same sex attraction because she got turned on watching Lesbian P instead of men. Basically, she ended up succeeding because one of the reasons was she was so busy with her career. Bravo but I still would say just because your busy doesn't mean your 100% healed. If your still addicted then you will eventually go back to it. Her case, she was busy with her career and replace her PM with that. Also didn't have a desire or hunger/craving for P and M. That is a huge difference compared to other people who is actively avoiding it but still there is urges to want to do it despite of a longer streak. So she was a success with that. That is a success in my eye. No more craving/hunger and temptation to do it again. This is relevant to my testimony once I will share it later. When I am ready to share. The dark side was pulling me. Keep Training
Day 7 and 8 checking in. It's good to be back as a Padawan. Also finally finished watching Andor. It was good overall, I can see why IMDB gave it an 8.1. Next up, Tales of the Jedi.
Day 10 Averaging 5 hours of sleep a night (usually 10am-3pm). Absolutely terrible for my recovery. I think it's the fish oil doing it, so I'm going to cut it out for a week, and slowly reintroduce it, starting from a low dose. The quality of my days have been okay. Reading, writing, working, but sleep is killing me. My priority is sorting that out, as it's the quality of my days that will increase recovery, rather than the number of days.
Day 5 I liked the Andor series even though there wasn't any Jedi related in it. I can't wait to watch the 2nd season. Tales of the Jedi, it was short but good IMO. Answered certain questions more on Ahsoka and Dooku. Sometimes, I'm impatient even if it is a few days on my this streak. Patience. Keep training
Day 7 - Padawan Patience but I am impatient and I want sex lol For me is either PMO or sex. No in between for me. No edging either! It is what it is though. Sometimes I feel the pull from the dark side. If I fail earlier than 20+ days than I might be inclined to still quit Hard Mode. I wanted to say more but I forget now. Next day check in maybe. I got my crystal to create my lightsaber again. Padawan in training now. Let's go Jedis. Keep Training
Day 8 Mood is pretty good but this weekend I have to take a break off the gym. Sunday will be close so I have to wait next Monday. I knocked out in bed for about 4 hours of sleep due to eating a meal at night time. Left my computer on and I hate that. It has happened more than once. Turned it off and so then I went back to sleep again. I had a few strange dreams. And woke up a few times to go to the bathroom. After that and woke up finally. What a world of a difference. I woke up refreshed and awake. I am glad I went back to sleep. In turn, mood is pretty good. Overall mood, giddy or something. I don't know how to describe it. I was thinking. You can relapse during loneliness? Can that also fall into a category of boredom? As I said before, I have done PMO with boredom a couple times before starting here in the forums seriously in the past. But loneliness? I have to deal with that all the time every day! Why am I saying this? Well someone relapsed from a previous challenge because of that. Odd. But you were not having high urges but lonely?? Bad. More to say about something else. Maybe later. All is fine for now. Until the dark side will come in and attack again. I have bad feeling about this. I am Padawan and always learning. As the saying goes, you walk the talk. But really, what is important to me is I rather walk the walk. Talking is fine unless you only talk the talk without walking it then it is useless. If you understand what I mean that. That's just me. Let's go Jedis. Keep Training
Day 9 So one of my P related messages (I could never take this notification away even when I tried in the past) from my email popped up. Usually, I immediately marked as read. But I stopped for a brief moment and actually wanted to see it. See, part of me is wanting to say "Screw it, let's look at this email" Knowing full well it is P messages with P images majority of the time. I didn't do it. Wow, that was out of boredom and little bit desire want to do it. Bad. Anything else? Well I was thinking about women and I guess that can be bad how your thinking about it. I will write more if there is anymore thoughts. Getting quiet again in the Jedi Temple. I don't mind that one bit at all Time to meditate quietly. This doesn't feel very chosen one like The dark side is pulling. Keep Training
