Sir, I urge you to practice Metta (love/heart oppening) meditation and Samatha (calming) meditation. To start a practice where you learn Samatha and spend the end of it doing metta. I can provide all the sources from great monks who can instruct you on this. It would be of enormous benefit to you. These venerable monks have let go of passion in its main 3 forms; passion for sensuality, passion and intoxication with youth/life, and passion for annihilation. They walk perfectly in the middle, unnatached to life, but not wanting death, rejecting sense desires, yet never practicing self mortification. These monks develop their love/friendliness for all beings, with no discrimination as to if they are attractive or ugly, big or small, virtueous or lacking. They develop their heart in this way by means of this very practice of metta which I urge you to try for yourself. This developing of good will, if done correctly, would benefit you enormously. Monks develop love unlike anyone in the world, precisely by letting go of looking at women or thinking of them as anything other than a mother, sister, or daugther. Futhermore, they can ONLY achieve this BECAUSE of their celibacy, since a mind full of lust and greed can not perfect this practice. So this is a perfect moment for you. Monks know the celibate life. Many as young as 20 have embraced it, leaving behind their homes and even girlfriend, giving up their youth and possibilites for sensual desires because they saw the reward in practicing this (as well as the drawbacks of sensual desire). Its an ideal moment, and the discipline the practice requires can spiral you into greater and greater hapiness (a hapiness not dependant on sense desires, on exterior conditions, but that comes entirely from within.)
Most introverts like being alone--not all the time, but for significant portions of the time. I am an introvert and need time away from people in order to survive. My problem is that I have over done it and now feel isolated from just about everyone. Like everything else, moderation is the key.
Thank you for your comment about maintenance and showing love to ourselves. I recall feeling very sad, and very alone as a child and not wanting to brush my teeth because I didn’t even want to live in the situation which I found myself. Abandoned, alone, neglected, abused…I had suicidal ideations and self harm behavior from a young age, but children are resilient and strong and full of hope. I prayed a lot. I watched television. Read books. And fought against the prevailing attitudes of people who were not interested in showing me love. Being left alone was preferable to much of what I experienced. Anyway, I am grateful to be alive, pmo free, and on a path of healing and self care that I hope will lead me to love myself as God has loved me. At University, very smart professors and teachers and fellow students complimented me on my intelligence. I’ve been lucky to receive love, and I still hope to give and experience love today. For the most part, however, I am alone. I am lucky to have a friend in my psychologist who talks with me twice a week, and treats me to a nice meal every weekend. After my heart troubles, I also have a caregiver visiting once a week to help me and provide in-person companionship. The rest is up to me. But like you said, maintenance and self care are the foundation on which I can build a shelter for loving myself. There’s many ways of living that can help us to feel better, and I’m convinced that overcoming an addiction to pmo is one of the most important. I pray that we can all maintain a positive attitude towards rebooting and find the love we need and deserve to feel safe, secure, and happy. Very, very happy. Thank you again @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself My journey is better because of your support <3
I understand how you feel, but I’m hopeful that things can change for the better by committing to our rebooting journey. Stay strong and don’t give up on yourself or your dreams.
It was helpful to read your posts and journal OP and I pray that you are blessed going forward in your struggle.
Thanks for your heartwarming message. Remember that there’s no place for pmo in God’s plan for your life. Just say no to pmo.
Both. Either or…I don’t really expect the situation to change much, and I’m okay with it. I’ve gotten used to being alone and like I said, I have a lot of support and much to be thankful about. Loneliness is not something I want to think much about.
The lords grace is strong. Reading his word has the power to cure all ailments including loneliness. I hope it continues to bless you.
But you are lonely, right? So here is my point. Please, if this doesn't help you, feel free to trash it. I spent a lot of years like you are now, with very few people in my life. The day came when I went to zero. There was a lot of suffering, but when I got past it, I wasn't lonely, even though I was without people. What I'm trying to say is that when you have only a few people, you'll tend to cling on to them because of fear. It's like an alcoholic who is only going to drink a few beers a day. Ultimately all they do is set themselves up for another binge. Go to zero.
You are saying you went to zero people in your life and then you were happy? Wow, if that's what it takes I am really depressed. I have very few people in my life (mostly my wife) and cling to her. It's awful.
I assume you’re being sarcastic about the previous comment, however, because I have struggled with depression for the majority of my life, it’s okay if people prefer to be alone. I also enjoy some alone time, but I like people. I also admire how much you love and cling to your relationship with your wife. Again, I like people. Sometimes I feel lonely, but basically it’s because I care about others and have compassion for all living things. There’s no doubt that everyone enjoys a bit of solitude, and if being alone gives them peace, then that’s okay too. I like people and the exchange of ideas here on Nofap. Solitude is fine, but zero people would definitely leave me wanting, and more than a little sad. Thanks @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself and @larry9102z
Lol…. Consider yourself lucky @larry9102z In a way, all or many of my posts here on Nofap can be described as me pissing into the wind. lol But I want to thank you for your comment, because it made me think about what I want to say about loneliness, as well as being alone; and basically it’s this: no one is truly alone or lonely. It sounds bold to say, but I am confident that what I am saying is true. Instead of trying to make my point, I’ll just offer a little bit of advice: don’t pretend to block yourself from the rest of humanity by falling into the folly of loneliness, isolation, or separateness. The trap of pmo feeds on the brain that has lost touch with its own humanity. Think about it….or go out and talk to someone about it until you understand that you are not alone, never was, and never will be. Love is the only way out of the darkness. Best wishes to all my friends here on Nofap. I believe that we are all better than this terribly sad and bad addiction.
A lot of wisdom in your comments shines through Buddha Bro. Definitely not just pissing in the wind. Answers to tough questions are often very complex and a lot of your posts contain good balance and a lot to ponder. I can only second your thoughts on speaking to people regarding PMO... it massively helps. I kept my own struggles bottled up for years and it only brought more pain. Praise be to the lord Jesus Christ I am constantly feeling in a better place in recovery.
Yeah it made me happy. Because it was an end to all the clinging, the needing. Being at zero for an extended time killed the loneliness.
It has an adjustment period, but then you find yourself. You can't find yourself if you cling to a small number of people.
If what you are saying is that my loneliness is my own fault, you are absolutely right. I am an introvert and do not make friends easily. Then when COVID struck it became worse because I basically stayed inside for two years. Plus, I do have a history of defeating myself by shoving people away. All that is on me, but that does not change the fact that I am lonely. I am what I am and for better or worse (mostly worse it seems at the moment) this is the situation I am in. Now it is easy to say, well, then, all you need to do is to go out and be with people, but it is not that easy. I live in a very small town with not a lot of opportunity to meet people. Plus, I still do not like to get into long conversations with strangers (generally). I think my porn addiction has made things worse (and, was, in part a way of coping with my loneliness), but the problem would have existed to some extent even without porn. Thank you for your interest and kind words. All the best to you, my friend.
