P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

I always thought that healing from this would lead to a complete change, like getting your purity and childhood energy/vigour back. I mean healing from pmo would make those beautiful pure memories return free of any vice. I still think it's true, but what do people who have completely recovered say?

 

Hey again, guys. I meant to post here sooner, but better late than never. Last month I wrote a handful of posts about something I was doing that I hoped would shed some light on our suffering; something that might help to curtail the withdrawals. Although I was disappointed by the results, I feel more comfortable divulging what that something was now.

To make a long story somewhat short: I fasted for forty days, from the 1st of August to the 9th of September. No food, no salts; only distilled water. I only drank when I was thirsty, and some days I didn't drink water at all. Majority of the time I was too tired to even get out of bed. I spent most of the time in my bed, on a lawn chair in the sun, or at my PC with my legs on a footrest, but one day every week I had to go into the city, and, man, it was murder. I thought I was going to faint in the street, surrounded by people who had no idea what I was doing.

I was nauseous pretty much every day, and the horrible taste in my mouth (keto breath) and the thrush on my tongue didn't help. Most of the time I was craving food, but sometimes I couldn't even think of food because I felt so sick. I also needed very little sleep, which sucked because I wished I could just sleep my day away. All in all, not a pleasant experience. A lot of people have pleasant and even relaxing experiences with fasting, and they actually have more energy than when they're eating—but that wasn't me. I felt like a corpse. I fasted in 2018 for 20 days and felt the same way as I did throughout August. Can't help but feel that it's because I'm in PAWS.

This probably sounds insane to whoever's reading this, and I don't blame you. But I'm sure you understand the despair of watching yourself spoil like milk, at least in the metaphorical sense, as the pool of opportunity dries up, and your peers prosper without even trying. I did this because I had to see if it was possible to cut the withdrawals in half this way, or at least chip away at them somewhat.

For some added context when it comes to fasting: there is a wealth of literature out there on fasting to restore and maintain health, and fasting played a large role in the Hygienic health movement of the 19th and 20th century. One man by the name of Herbert M. Shelton fasted over 40,000 patients in the 20th century with very good results (he wrote a multitude of books). Many figures of antiquity, such as those of ancient Greece, fasted for many weeks. I think we're fairly familiar with the stories of Moses and Jesus, and maybe Elijah, and the spiritual facet of fasting.

I obtained benefits from the fast, but as you can probably make out from the tone of my post, they weren't amazing. I am a PAWS sufferer, after all, and there are no silver bullets for this, it seems. That said, among the benefits were:

• Pristine complexion; I had only one almost invisible breakout on my face over the course of the forty days, and it was gone in one day
• Lost a lot of weight (this wasn't really a priority for me since I'm already at an ideal weight, but fasting is an effective way to lose weight)
  
• Much more defined jaw and musculature (thanks to losing weight and less water retention)
• Quicker mind; had a much easier time coming up with words to use, and I felt fairly witty at times
• No pain; before I started fasting I experienced joint pains, especially in my left knee, and as soon as I had fasted for three or four days, my pain was pretty much nonexistent and remained that way for the full forty days
  
• Developed an immense appreciation for food, to the point where even rather bland dishes seemed like the most delicious thing ever

Unfortunately, when I broke the fast, I broke it rashly. When you break a fast, especially such a long one where your digestive system pretty much goes to sleep, it's strongly recommended to break it very carefully, eating as close to nature as possible (whole fruits and berries, a few vegetables, broths). During the fast I made a long and exhaustive list of foods that I wanted to eat when I finally broke the fast, and I started eating them far too soon after breaking the fast. You can develop refeeding syndrome if you are not careful during this phase, and you can even die if you eat the wrong foods, like candy, or harder-to-digest food such as meat before your body is ready for it. Looking back, it's a miracle that I didn't, but I do have some strange new symptoms now that I'm not sure whether to pin on PAWS or my rushed refeed, such as sensory numbness. My pain has also returned, I feel foggier, and my skin isn't that clear anymore (still pretty clear, though). I think this is because I rushed it, or because I broke the fast too soon (this bit sounds crazy, but the books about fasting can explain it better than I can). Or maybe it's just a matter of PAWS "standing in the way." Part of me wants to blame myself for being so rash, but I know a sober mind wouldn't make such rookie mistakes. Still, I should've guarded my appetite better.

One benefit that I did not list above, however, that seems to have stuck with me is that I no longer have fasciculations, or muscle twitches. They seem to have almost completely gone away, except for the odd twitch here and there. Maybe the fast did help with the withdrawals? Or maybe the twitching was due to something else, like a mineral deficiency that was corrected by the fast, at least when I started eating again. It makes me wonder if I cheated myself out of other benefits by breaking it so poorly.

I don't want to discourage anyone from fasting, or at least reading the literature on fasting, because, although I felt shitty during the fast and don't want to repeat it anytime soon, the literature and forums dedicated to fasting state repeatedly that everyone has different experiences. Some people actually feel fantastic when fasting. I also fucked up a lot when refeeding, which could have been one reason I don't feel great after the fast. I also didn't use salts, but I have taken electrolytes while fasting in the past and haven't felt a difference in energy or wellness at all.

I was hoping I'd type a more upbeat post about the benefits of fasting, but I don't want to lie and give people false hope. This was my honest experience. To be honest, I feel like PAWS is just a brick wall. It seems like nothing can tear it down except time. It's kind of like how, when losing a loved one, you think the pain and sorrow is never going to fade. But, inexplicably, brick by brick, it does, as time goes on. Maybe that's how I have to regard this monster under my bed from now on, instead of flirting with death so damn much. It's hard to give a shit about my life, but I have to. I don't know if this is my last brush with fasting, because I do believe in it, and the benefits I had while fasting were real, but if I'm going to do it again it won't be soon, and I will not do it this recklessly. I will plan it in minute detail. And hopefully time will have done me some favors by then.

P.S: I did not see nor hear God while fasting. I even went to church to see if I could find Him there. Kinda disappointed. Jokes aside, I did flip open a Holy Bible and landed right on the page of Jesus' crucifixion without even trying, though, which took me by surprise. Not sure if that counts as a spiritual experience, but it felt spiritual when it happened. Some other weird stuff that I can't explain happened as well. I tried to pray but the brain fog always made it difficult to pray in earnest. I just lose my train of thought every time. If there is a God, I can't hear Him.

 

People keep treating me badly on my flat line

 

The insanity above aside, I just want to say you're all worthy of the stars in my book. The fact that you're still here, whether you're almost out of this hell or you just relapsed, is impressive to say the least. I'm honored to be in hell alongside you. Never stop fighting for a dignified life, and never stop believing you'll be free of this torment one day.

 

I mostly get ignored or sidelined by people. It's like I don't exist. I'm not taken seriously and my voice is always drowned out.

 

Hey everyone, I’m still doing well. I haven’t had any symptoms and I still don’t feel Anhedonia either. I orgasmed having sex and no longer have side effects after like I use to. I’ma keep going and go from there.

 

Appreciate your updates, man. The bit about your cognitive symptoms fading was very encouraging to me. Glad to see you're doing better and better.

 

I'm heading to 25 days. It's crazy. My productivity is increasing and I've been learning so many skills since then. Keep moving guys.

 

I feel the same all the time

 

You didn't eat at all for 40 days? Or you only eat bland food? Not eating for 40 days isn't possible, right? Either way, insane props to you for trying something to combat this. I remember having a virus many years ago and I couldn't eat for about 10 days. I just about managed some water but it tasted so good that since then I have such an appreciation for it and now it's pretty much all I drink, before then I hardly ever drunk water.

That's my experience as well. I did 100 days with very little technology and zero internet, it may have made a slight dent but nothing significant. I tried it before PAWS was so strong and felt it made a far greater impact back then but the deeper you go with PAWS, your brain just becomes less and less penetrable. When people say do X and you'll feel better afterwards, if you have PAWS you won't feel better and if you're in the early stages you may well even feel worse. All these things like fasting, cold showers, intense exercise etc, they just can't break through that invisible barrier.

 

Is anyone else having problems with notifications not popping up for this thread? I'm seeing likes but not comments or replies. Kinda making it hard to keep track of what people are saying.

 

I didn't eat at all. I was daydreaming every single day about what I would eat when I started eating again, and even dishes I would never consider otherwise sounded good in my head—even ones I considered bland. I got more interested in cooking while fasting than I've been in my entire life. And yeah, desperation will do that. I kinda wanted to find out for you guys, too, in case there was a way to heal PAWS quicker. Maybe it would have healed if I had gone for longer than forty days, but I don't want to dwell on that.

You can pretty much fast indefinitely as long as you have fat on your body for it to use as fuel. The body also consumes muscle as fuel, but to a far lesser extent. Starvation takes a long time to kick in, because the whole reason we store fat is to avoid it and survive for longer. The average time that most people can safely fast for is around 50 to 90 days, though. This isn't exactly acceptable socially, and I can't blame people because at some point you start looking really skinny and unhealthy. Even though you're not in acute danger, people won't really understand that if they see you so gaunt. I kept it hidden from other people, and especially my family, for that reason.

Also, another thing was that my sense of smell drastically improved. But this was mostly annoying for me. It seems to be going back to normal now that I've started eating again.

Oh yeah, drinking water when thirsty is a transcendental experience. We always take these things for granted until we're deprived of them. I think the longest I went without water was three or four days, while fasting. Not quite ten days, but it was enough to make it hit differently. I even bought an insulated stainless steel bottle so I can keep my water cold.

This reminds me of a post someone made a few pages back about the dopamine theory not quite being enough to explain why it's taking so long. I don't remember the post verbatim, or who made it (because of course I don't), but what I got out of it was that there is something deeper at work here, something inexplicable by our current means. We all have different theories about what it may be, but there's always something that doesn't quite click about them. So many people suffer with symptoms that seem like actual diseases, but the moment they heal from PAWS those symptoms go away like they were never there. It almost feels supernatural how impermeable this condition is, like no matter how much good you do it's all overridden by the withdrawals until they pass.

 

I have an unshakeable belief that it's PAWS. We badly hurt our brains and need to heal. I honestly see it as black and white as that.

I recently realised though that for a long time I've been reading "P.A.W.S" wrong. I've been reading it as though you have two sets of withdrawals; as in you have the first set which are "acute withdrawals" and then if you're unlucky enough you have the 2nd, longer-lasting set which are the "post-acute withdrawals". Actually though, in terms of withdrawals, there is only the first set. The stage after it is [POST] acute-withdrawals. What we have now can't be classed as "withdrawals" as it doesn't go away if you relapse, actually in most cases it gets considerably worse. I remember going through the acute-withdrawal phase and relapsing would make them go away. They'd then come back again once I abstained for a set period of time(was usually 10 days in my case) and it wasn't until I got got through them that they went away fully.

The after-withdrawal phase we're in now will only go away with a long, continuous streak of abstinence. I'm not entirely sure just how much M and O affect recovery but as far as I'm concerned, if you relapse to porn, you wipe it all out and very probably go below zero. I'm sorry if people don't want to read that but I can only go by experience and from what I've seen of others. It's why so few actually recover. It's a long time to live miserably and relapsing is so easy and gives us a brief break from that, but it comes with disastrous consequences.

 

I've recovered from other things in the past and recovery doesn't work the way you're saying it. When you've abstained from something for a long time your receptors get used to the new you. You've built a new bond in your system and with time it becomes really strong. A relapse may weaken it and strengthen the bad one but in no way will it completely reset it. It's not how our brain works, just research neuroplasticity. It states that our brains are very adaptable and we catch on to new things. So as time is passing, our receptors are getting better and better and also a lot of us are keeping ourselves healthy which is helping even more. I'd say a relapse will set you back and binging will definitely do a lot of damage but I don't think it will reset an abstinence of over 100 days.

 

Recovered from what though?

I really think this is serious stuff, like hard drug levels of serious. Neuroplasticity relates more to learned behaviour and addiction, this isn't just learned behaviour or addiction, it's essentially brain damage. Some drugs can even cause permanent brain damage, they are not all reversible.

You are free to believe what you like, I wish I could believe it too but sadly there is an increasing amount of evidence that suggests what you are saying is not the case. Hopefully you will never relapse to find out but if you have PAWS, I can almost guarantee you that you will notice every subsequent streak taking longer than the previous one. Certain symptoms will persist longer and certain improvements won't be seen until much later. It's a compounding effect. The normal rules don't apply to this.

 

Where can I read up on this?

 

Where's the evidence saying I'm wrong? The things I'm saying are the current beliefs of addiction recovery. It's something you'd find if you were out to see how your recovery was going to be like. I also attribute pmo being as bad as hard drugs but saying a complete change of lifestyle, abstinence, and good living wouldn't change over one relapse (that you know was wrong and you're guilty for). Anyways I hope you get out of this, I'm starting to have enough too. Good luck friend and we can agree and disagree but I'm still rooting for you!

 

The evidence is all around you in this thread.

How many here have recovered and how many of those recovered despite relapsing?

 

Is there an online article or medical paper that outlines what you said? A Youtube video?

 

There's also a lot of people who are far from relapse here. I don't think you can get solid proof as these are just small examples. I'd say recovery is just really long so it seems that relapsing has made it longer. I don't think thats the case though.