A mí me resulta más difícil los días de semana aburrida y sola en el trabajo . No tengo muchos pasatiempos.. Salir a caminar, leer también pero le he perdido un poco el gusto parece, también pintar o dibujar pero hace tiempo no lo hago..
Day 23. Not sure what to say. I am tempted every day since Saturday. I know this will pass. But hopefully sooner than later, and hopefully without a relapse. My brain is kind of downer now. I think I just want to give up. What's the point to continue, if there is no progress. Walking in circles for so long gets painful. It was easier to do this, when I believed in nofap benefits. But now, when I see, they are not real, I am not that motivated. I am just doing this out of ambition, I think. I just want to prove myself and others that I can go long time without p, m, o. And I want that jean jacket. Also, sometimes I have metaphysical motives -- faith, purity, etc. But, you know how these things go, sometimes I am motivated, sometimes I am dry. At least I am not lying to myself. What would be the point? Also, I care about honour very much. I just want to understand how can it be that I still want to step on important things just because of empty pleasure? Is my brain that hopeless? I hope not. I have seen many guys coming to these forums and going. Sadly, without success. So, I am in the place where it's difficult to trust anyone. And those who remain (me included) often make me sad too. No progress in 3 years at all. I am speaking about myself too. It's painful to realise that before I did even better than I am doing now. So, if I am not serious anymore, why to continue? But where would I go? Back to the lifestyle of constant p, m, o? Doesn't sound good at all. Sounds repulsive, even though I want it at the same time somehow? Don't pay much attention to this. I am stressed, I want to masturbate, I am in a bad mood. So, I just wanted to vent. Hopefully next check in will be more positive and with more gratitude. I could decorate this post with positivity, but I don't want to, because truth is important. I am trying to heal from addiction for almost 7 years, but I don't have much to show. Let's just go for a walk... Spoiler: Journey stuffs 23 days hardmode. Denim jacket reward for 90 days. No caffeine at all. Documentary "Silk road" 1/5.
21 days Low urges yesterday. Somehow sad today, I'm having troubles with my girlfriend, maybe I will be single soon xD. Worked out and took a cold shower Keep strong my brothers
Day 0. I m'd last night. Did not use p, but avoiding m is still part of my goal. Today is a new start.
Relapse after 9 days, back to hobbit. Been struggling around day 10 lately. Been focused on the task for around 3 days, then the apathy sets in. Going to try to make it through the month and stay posting this time.
Day 15 Very pleased to have reached the rank of Elf! I’ve re-downloaded Instagram and I’m finding much easier to scroll past any source of temptation, although I’m surprised at how prevalent it is online. I only have a few months until I’m married, so as it draws closer I need to be extra vigilant.
Day 3: Cousin, where have the years gone? As promised I went back to my volunteer spot. What was interesting though is what happened when I went out to get some lunch. I came across my cousin who I haven't seen since my grandfather died, and probably not for who knows how many years before that. This surprised me since he doesn't live here. It seems him and his wife were in town for a concert. It's interesting because when we were younger we used to spend quite a lot of time together, but we drifted apart. Actually I guess I drifted away from basically everyone, so it shouldn't be a surprise. It was actually a somewhat awkward interaction, which I feel a bit guilty about. I also attended a little philosophy discussion.
2/180 I'm feeling great, enjoying music, drinking milk with honey, waking up early and off course fighting my urges! C'mon guys every step counts! Day 2 out of 180!
