What will you advice a 21 year old on how to approach life

Get a job and study

 

Realize change takes time.

I wasted copious amounts of manic energy in trying to cut all the bad stuff out of my life all at once as a young man... This never worked.

Telling myself that this smoke or this phub vid or this drink will be the last, as I will change everything tomorrow, and then... Doing the same thing, telling myself the same shit, and expecting different results- insanity.

What I've come to realize at 30 now, after a decade of chasing my own tail in that way, is one, change is slow, and usually doesn't stick through blunt force. And two, especially with respect to the big changes, you can't do it alone.

Finding community here, reconnecting with old friends and family after moving back to my home state, attending AA meetings on weekends when time allows, putting energy into getting along with coworkers, going back to school for biology with professors that are wildly passionate about the subject, even getting a cat lol, all these things have been what have really moved the needle in my life, and help me cut out a lotta shite habits.

So... Be patient, ask for help, and find the other like-minded hoomans! We're social creatures at the end of the day, and it is no more apparent than when taking on lofty goals; we need one another.

Good luck!

 

I am a science PhD that managed to receive my degrees in my 20s despite an active PMO addiction. I walked away from a promising career in my early 30s. This sickness tends to destroy anything it touches. I am 40 y.o. now.

What I would say to myself at 21 years old?
1. You don't have to have a girlfriend or have sex to be happy. You don't have to have sex to be happy.
2. Your PMO abuse will lead to irreversible erectile dysfunction by the time you're 27.
3. The only pursuit in life that will give you a lasting joy and contentment is the pursuit of God and a spiritual life.
4. Be nice to mom and dad (even though they are so far from perfect).
5. Start attending 12 step meetings for PMO addiction
6. Keep coming back to the meetings
7. Consume only the food that you buy at the grocery store

There is more good advice I can give. But advice is useless unless I have the strength to follow it.

 

There has already been great information in this thread for you to read, but I was just want to put an emphasis on God and having a spiritual life. Pray everyday to him to help you with this addiction and never give up on your dreams.

 

Find something to do when those temptations arise (to view porn or masturbate). Quitting P & M is probably not going to work by quitting cold turkey. For what it's worth, I've experienced some progress by refraining from looking at women unless it's absolutely necessary. I watch hockey on TV and I know that there are always going to be beer commercials with dancing women, along with those Victoria's Secret ads with barely clothed women. My advice is to do something else when the commercials come on. I like to read a book during commercials.

 

Focus on yourself and your goals regarding your career and taking care of yourself. You will have better value as a man, and you will be in position to choos what is best for you as a high valued man. They will feel your competence subconsciously.
In my opinion
Regarding prn, yeah i understand, young people have high libido and are more interested in sx, but if you manage to reduce this "hobby" for more meaningfull things for improving yourself, it will be of tremendous help.
Reduce it, then if you can eradicate it, you will be thankful later. You are young, a perfect time for good things, this nofap stuff is great choice in the right direction.

 

12 step programs are for addiction recovery. There are a couple that focus on PMO related issues. They are all based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous

 

good message makes me want to spend time connecting more with people

 

om people are summing it up well: spirituality, physicality and mentality are the three big cornerstones.

And always remember all three of these have a social aspect to them. Your health requires some human connection.

I'd like to drop by starbucks to just be around some humans in real life. Looks like I'll be free at 1pm today. Hmm. Could go read. That'd be alright with me.

So you can go try to do the same. Good on ya with the javelin and badminton.

My recommendation for you is to work on one step at a time. Right now you want to get some exercise. Focus on this step. Don't waste energy being in your head stressing about the end goal. Just aim for a goal that's not too far off and focus on the present step towards it. Then all things are coming.

To do some modeling for you. I'm trying to be in bed by 11pm nightly (with minimal success). I'm adopting the mentality to not beat myself up at all over failures. I just non-judgmentally observe the time I slept last night (230am). Then proceed to find a way to make today's step of 11pm happen. I try different ways to solve the same problem until something sticks. Today I spent time visualizing logging out of the video game I play late at night seven times for good luck haha

I'll keep visualizaing it more for a bit now to help my mind grow in strength that logging out. Just getting that little step down will help me to move away from the game at night and towards my bed

For you it may be something like as follows.

"Yesterday was a 3pmo day. Not beating myself up over it and gonna use that energy to just focus on todays' step instead: to get pmo down to 2 times. I'll just sit around visualizing this morning succeeding. Completing a day where I do only 2pmo. I'll be happy with the weaning off it. Visualizing falling asleep at night with a small smile knowing that I got it down to 2pmo and achieved the step of the day "

Or whatever other clever tricks you have to employ to beat pmo. GLHF

 

My advice would be to embrace every opportunity for growth and exploration. Study hard, whether it's formal education or self-directed learning, it's actually the foundation for a fulfilling future. Travel whenever you can, as it broadens your perspective and opens doors to new experiences and cultures. It's even possible to combine all these things, for example, here are EF Educational Tours reviews. And don't forget to spend time on self-development, whether through hobbies, meditation, or personal projects.

 

You were born on this planet which is a great achievement when you calculate the probability of being born on Earth. You already know that Earth is a messy place, with so many problems crippling the inhabitants of this planet. One thing is 100% sure is that you will die someday. Do something so that when you are on your deathbed, you tell yourself that my presence on this planet made it a little better to live by the deeds I did than the time when I was born.

Contributing to science is one of the best ways to make our planet a little better place. Since you are a science lover so go for it.

Good luck, my fellow science lover.

 

If you ever want to send me a private message, I've done a lot of study on the intersection of faith and science. You can be a person of faith and still have a very high regard for science.