Lack of intimacy with wife makes NoFap impossible?

Does she no about your nofap journey?

 

Is sex off the table for the two of you now? If not, if it's going to take her time to warm back up to you, then FIGHT! My wife also has a high sex drive which led to her MOing and PMOing on occasion. I PMO'd before and during the first 1.5 years of our marriage without giving it a second thought. It never went as far as you have described with your wife, but there were plenty of nights I left her frustrated because I just wasn't interested. Now that I've begun this journey, it's helped our intimacy immensely, and made me the one who initiates from time to time. If you can win back her physical affection, you must keep fighting. You may relapse or reset, but you must keep moving forward. If you still love each other than this is a fight for your marriage.
And personally I believe it would be best for you to tell her about your journey. Let her know you want her, woo her. That's my two cents, and it's worth what you paid for it. Please fight. And keep reaching out. I'll say a prayer for you and your marriage.

 

I don't have experience with married life, but I would suggest some cold showers when you're having urges. Either that or something else that will distract you, like brushing your teeth, eating a meal, etc.

 

Excellent advice from Jehu. Lol. Worth more than you paid for- for sure. Best line I've heard yet on this site!

If you can build the communication back and talk about what's happening for each of you, its best. Build the trust, and connection. I really know what you mean about stopping the PMO and then feeling a deep desire for the partner/wife you live with. I get to where I can't sleep by her I'm so fired up. And then when there's nothing, no sex or intimacy, I feel I need to self-serve. Aargh

I'm going to work on a new start with my relationship with my wife. It's worth the risk. Worth the effort.

 

You can go without O for much longer than you think. People do 90 days (or more) of hard mode in here all the time. It's simply not true that if you cannot have sex for whatever reason that you must turn to M. That's a lie we tell ourselves to justify turning to M. But nothing is inevitable. You can choose to give in, or choose not to give in.

Obviously you and your wife have some work to do to get back to a place where your desire for intimacy matches up. A lot of damage has been done, and it will need to be repaired. I don't think turning to MO is going to help with that process, do you?

 

Its not a bad analogy, but I would say the bottle of whiskey is the laptop or phone that is the gateway to P and then to MO.
Your wife is something much more, a safe and healthy outlet for sexual desire. There is no safe way for a drunk to take a drink. I don't do hardmode because I will not deny myself nor my wife the intimacy of marriage. For some that's part of their journey. It's not part of mine.
Perhaps it's what you will have to go through for some time, but the ends justifies the means. Kicking this habit and rebuilding the relationship you have with your wife is of paramount importance, but again I urge you to tell her everything. I believe it will only be for the best. Honesty and intimacy go hand in hand, and without honesty there is no true intimacy. So has been my experience.
Keep up the fight and keep us posted.

 

I am in a similar boat as you. As Jehu said early, I too won't do hardmode. My wife has been putting up with me neglecting her for too long and I want her to feel loved for once. Therefore, I figure since we only have sex about once a month (mainly when i just give in to appease her) I can use the time in between our pathetic sex adventures to try and cure my self with no PMO. I am hoping that this will be enough to set me on the right path and from what I gather from these forums, it can make you feel like a brand new man in terms of sex drive, energy, focus, and many other things. I feel bad that I am continuing to knowing have sex with her once a month but thats what she has gotten use to and if I focus on other things and not PMO then I think I can completely change or relationship for the MUCH better. This is by far the biggest issue in our marriage.

 

She use to want sex with you. You turned her away. She started taking care of herself. You are not being honest with her about how deep your addiction was and how you desire her again.
Talk to her. Simple. It's hard for you? Imagine being in her shoes.

 

What ever you do, do not use P and Fap. It is not only bad for your marriage but bad for you. You really need to man up and do the hard yards. No excuses. Just my 2 cents worth.

 

She still does want sex with me thankfully. Problem is I turn her away more times than not because I already had my fill with PMO at some point earlier. Due to this, we only go every so often which is not good. This is Day 2 of my journey, but I don't think I want to tell her yet. In many ways, I'm not sure if I need to due to the pain it will cause if I can just fix it myself by doing this. I want to cut out all PMO other than things with her directly. I don't want to go hard mode because she has been neglected enough already. This is life changing for me. Currently, I wake up horribly in terms of energy and attitude. I also have negative attitude and lack of motivation throughout day which means short temper and no desire to get things done many times. There are many things I believe this could help dramatically with.

FredSamson- I know how you feel man. I'm finding this entire community very helpful so far and hope you do too. Unfortunately, I can't help you other than support in you endeavors. That being said, stick around awhile and I WILL be able to help you out. I'm tossing this bad habit one way or the other. Its do or or die time. GL

 

That's what my "critical thinking skills" conjured up as well. For the longest time I traveled the world in the Marines which meant lots of PMO during times and I think I just got addicted (and used to) the easy way out. Ironically, even when I did this, I never felt the way I do now; fatigued, worsened moods, very low motivation and sometimes ambition, and dramatically increased stress.

 

When bf came clean he said he was PMO ing 2-3 times a day. My reaction was How the hell did I even stand a chance? Meaning who would want to have sex, Jesus you must be tired and just want a nap.

 

Your very right; she doesn't stand a chance. Its unfair and messed up. How often did ya'll do it before he came clean? How has it helped when he stopped PMO?

 

Maybe 1 a week and he never could finish. He would m and finish.
Since he's stopped his fantasies of kinky shit are fading. He can finish now. We talk about everything now. We are much closer and more in love.
He's 10 weeks free PMO

 

I'm hoping that's where me and the husband can get to. He's supposedly one month clean but no 'finishing' yet.

 

JMD trust me this works and talk to your wife. I'm still struggling with trusting him. It's so hard but our relationship is 100 times better and it is real.