30 soon and still alone

That`s exactly it: no benefit. Because that is what you get when you fap. I would recommend you to work on yourself. And I mean work hard. Do things that benefit yourself - and avoid things that will harm you.
For example: do sports (I am talking about every day activities. You don`t need a gym or a club, you can work out at home for an hour every day - you will benefit)
Eat healthy: forget about all the sugary stuff and avoid it completely - you will realize that your sense for good food is going to come back.
Stop watching TV if possible. I have a netflix account and nothing else. No normal TV, and therefore I watch hardly anything.
Educate yourself: life is a constant growth process. Sometimes it feels as if the day has not enough hours. It is important to have goals and to plan for the future. But you have to be patient.
Try not to worry about other people anymore. Be the best you can be, and be your best friend. It's "me first" and if the time is right the rest will follow.
There is only one life and it has to be lived to make it worth living.
I wish you all the best - and let me know about your progress.

 

Do you have any other interests than watching P. ? I hope you are not spending any money in P. And probably the very first thing you have to do is to get busy. Either by getting a job, ( do you have any skills) it does not matter what kind of a job, when you work and make some money you start feeling good about yourself. Start getting your life together by getting away from PMO. PMO will only make you feel worse. By staying away from PMO your self esteem will improve. Take care of yourself, forget about your curvature, right now you need to take care of your brain. Good diet and good sleep. Exercise daily and get into some group activities or start reading and walking daily.

Try to do some volunteer work. You will notice there are other less fortunate than you are and you will feel good about yourself doing something for your fellow citizen. Write daily about how you are feeling and let us know if we can do more to help you.

 

Hi xSolid.

When you are feeling down & depressed, with seemingly no hope in sight, it's easy to resort to PMO. However as you know, all we are doing is digging a deeper hole from ourselves.

You need to know this deep within you: PMO is poison!

We each have a dark & destructive side to us that seeks to pull us down. It uses PMO as a powerful tool to achieve it's objective.

Making a start is difficult but you need to make some changes. There are some good suggestions already, that people have posted.

You can have the happy, connected, creative & positive life you seek. Breaking the PMO addiction is just the start, but it's a great place to start!

Give it some thought, come up with a plan/goals & post them here - make yourself accountable to us, so we can be there for you.

Change is possible!

Strength.

T22.

 

People make complete changes & become successful in their new career/passion at a variety of ages.

Keep your head up & take small steps toward your goal.

You're not dead yet!

Life!

T22.

 

You went through what I went through a couple years ago, I feel your pain.

First of all, what about your friends was "disingenuous" to you? Looking back, I would push people away from me far more than was necessary, these friends likely aren't all that bad. I mean typically most relationships derive from some sort of give and take dynamic going on, so seeing as how you don't have a ton of money or anything just lying around it is likely they people appreciated you for you, which is exactly what friends do.

Looked up your um condition real quick, it said that the curvature has little to no impact on sexual intercourse, and that the only real problem is the pain that would come out of it for you. Besides, having a weird penis shape offers you certain positions and angles that most men likely couldn't attain, so your problem might be a blessing to lovely lady out there. Oh and 10k is really not that much assuming you can actually get a job (you might just have a problem with location mate) so don't give me that crap about winning the lotto, you have far more control over it than you think.

I see only two paths that you can go; either you keep letting all the insecurities (I'm not good enough to be a husband, father, whatever) bring you down, causing you to get depressed, essentially just resulting in a vicious cycle, or you move past that and decide to move forward in life. I recently felt exactly as you did mate, but I realized that all it would ever result in would be a life of misery, and I've put up with enough of that already, so I have decided to climb the mountain to prosperity instead. Make your choice.

 

Hey xSolidSnake86,

I know the tendency to trash our own selves when we are struggling with something we loathe. I wrote a post called perspective, it might be helpful to you. I have also found that if you are meeting her needs, she won't mind if it is bent.

 

That sounds like giving up. Don't lose hope. To be socially disconnected, closed in your bedroom faping all day long won't give you any chance to improve your life.

You cannot expect to live a positive life, if you have a negative mind. Maybe something happened in the past that hurt you, and now your wounds don't allow you to live a fulfilling life. You should expect a better future, and giving up is just to abandon all chance for a better life.

Keep strong, keep improving yoursef. Don't renounce, by giving up you won't achieve anything good. PMO is a placebo, it doesn't improve your life in any way.

 

Best advice I ever got, while battling depression is: "You have to love yourself, before you can expect anyone else to". You have to pick yourself up and quit feeling sorry for yourself, set small goals, achieve them and then make bigger ones. A job is the first big step.
If you want to be the kind of man that attracts a good woman, you have to gain and show some confidence. The only thing stopping you is you.

 

Hey, I was where you were about 3 years ago. I'm 27 now, from 23-25 I had given up on life. Things had been going downhill for a few years with my health, education, esteem, addictions. I was convinced I had fucked up my life and the only course was to become such a miserable and hopeless human being that my Mom would give me the green light to euthanize (really, commit suicide) myself guilt-free. The deepest fact that kept me alive was knowing that I would have wrecked the rest of my Mom's life if I killed myself. I had pretty much identical thoughts to what you're having now. I thought I had no place in society, I was just a broken combination of cells and fibers that couldn't function beyond the next dopamine hit (which wasn't far off the truth). Also, I had been having problems with PIED for years at the cost of many promising relationships and my self-esteem, but had no idea it was so intertwined with the porn addiction (it seems obvious in hindsight, but one can always blame the partner, or anxiety, or the situation before one arrives at breaking a difficult addiction as the solution).

Yet, things changed. I will always credit taking a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course with allowing me to see there was a way I could cope with the world and rise above all that was irreparably broken within me. (here's a link to a free online one, I can't vouch entirely for its quality, but it seems to be legit enough, maybe just scan through it to get an idea of what the basic idea is). So I'd always recommend that to people in your place. Maybe it doesn't appeal to you at all, but I'll just emphasize again; it changed so much for me.

I managed to start running again, I quit smoking cigarettes, I quit drinking. I moved to a new country, re-enrolled back in college, got a job I really like. I don't have it all together, especially with my social life and PMO addiction. But there has been a huge improvement in my self-esteem and optimism. Objectively, I don't have alot to be proud of considering I'm 27. I have no long-term friendships, or a girlfriend, or a well-paying job, or a college degree, or a house; but I'm infinitely better than I was a few years ago. Things improved massively for me on so many fronts.

Look, 30 is still young. You have a brain. You're capable of making choices and learning. Science and technology will probably progress to the point where we might be the first generation to live to 150, maybe there will be huge breakthroughs in the physical and mental degenerative process whereby we won't age like any other humans have before. Don't give up because of a fucking number. It means nothing. It's a way simple minded people oversimplify and assume about others. It tells you amazingly little about who you are or what your life will be.

I've only come across NoFap recently but it's a brilliant distillation of so many thoughts and vague beliefs I haven't been able to quite get a handle on over the past few years. Don't dismiss it as pointless suffering. There's an end goal, and that's a person whose brain is wired differently. It's ok to admit your brain is dysfunctional with sex and porn right now; infact it's most definitely not your fault. But you still have a brain and willpower, and you know of a method and path for changing that problem. So don't dismiss it because that path requires that you fail. Every time you get up from failure and try again you're improving. Not a single person ever just 'stops' masturbating or watching porn. The forces that have been arrayed against your better self take constant re-trial and re-engagement to defeat. I'm sure you know that you'll like yourself so much better when you're free of the trap that is your porn-addicted mind. You still can get to be that person you like, it just requires time and patience.

Again, things can change in ways you can't fathom, don't believe the lies the darkness within you is telling you. If you ever want to talk about your life or an issue you're stuck on feel free to PM me; I genuinely believe things can be different for you.