Should I call/text her after a month?

She made the first move, she really digs you, mate.

Contact her again and go out. Perhaps she needs distraction from her affairs. Maybe she's waiting to see if you are interested enough to set up a second meeting with her since she is the one that initiated the first meeting.

Faint heart never won fair maiden, mate. Get in touch with her!

Best to you.

 

Well... Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I respect encouragement, but at the same time there is such thing as bad encouragement. From what @elmo3334 you have told us, it sounds like it went well and you most certainly should have followed up with it sooner, so follow up with it now. Don't make excuses, if she asks what takes you so long, you say that you wanted to be respectful of her and what she was going through, so you wanted to make sure to give a little time a space. However, time and space is long passed and if you are interested in her, if you think she is fun and you might want to date her, the only way you can find that out is if you pursue it. I know dating is scary, especially since this is still new to you. However, while age changes, people change, looks change, personalities change, jobs, and life change - one thing never does. If you want to date a girl, you have to act. That will never change, so while it's scary, you should most definitely ask for another date. Be intentional though, don't say "hey do you want to hang out?" or some form of slang in your language, ask her out to a date.

The rule I pretty much always followed is the 3-contact rule. This is a rule more over to protect myself, because when we like someone our judgement is clouded. The 3-contact rule is essentially if you ask once, and they say no, but don't offer a alternative time, you do so a total of 3 times. After the 3rd time, if there is no attempt or reciprocation, you move on. Don't throw yourself at her feet, 2 or 3 times tops is enough chance. Sounds to me the way you wrote about her that see seems like a decent woman, at the least, from what you chose to share and know.

Regardless, get in touch, don't be non-nonchalant about it. Be direct, yet polite, ask her over the phone or in person, not over text. And lastly, don't waste your time coming up to the date texting back and forth about everything that is happening, or you will find it very hard to spark conversation at the date. Scheduling the date a couple days out is great, it will give you both time to think and be excited about it, and also not talk to much. If you are in the middle of something and she tries to contact you, show her the respect she deserves and say you are busy but you will respond later.

Good luck!

 

I would call her, if you can't be able to talk to her in person for a few seconds to ask her on a date, than how can you expect to go on a real date? There are two things that can stem out of calling her, well, three-ish.

First, she answers, she respects that you are calling her. You explain that you got busy and life happened, but that you want to go on a date, she says yes. You schedule it for 2 days out, Bam you have a date!

Secondly, she answer, thinks its weird, and you are out absolutely nothing. Because you aren't currently dating her anyways, so who cares?

Thirdly, she doesn't answer. You leave a message, try her 1 more time in a day or two, if she doesn't answer, you move on. No harm done.

I also want to point out, you didn't even know if she was into you in the first place, so who cares if you think she might be into you now or not. Give it a shot, have a date, go have fun! Maybe she was, maybe you drifted to the back of her mind, and a phone call will bring it back, maybe not. A phone call for most people is much more demanding, meaningful, and offers a actual decision. If you feel like she is blowing you off, saying something like "well yeah, we might be able to do something in a few weeks," than be weary. Set a specific date or a followup call, if she wants to go out again with you she will comply. If she is waiting on a work schedule or something, than say "how about I call you on X day, and we set a date then?" and leave it at that!

Any of the three options you still are out on a positive, either you learn and you get a date, or you just learn, either way it's good for you. Texting is a copout our generation uses, and frankly we disadvantage ourselves. I am 22, so I wouldn't consider myself an old "whippersnapper." But the truth is, if you text her, she might be busy, she might forget to respond or tell herself she will respond later - and then forget. Leaving you only 2 options, move on when she might have actually said yes, or message her again and hope she isn't busy or doesn't forget, because at some point you begin to sound desperate - which you do not want to do.

I know it sounds manipulative, but a thing I used to do if a girl made me ask more than 1 time would be when she reciprocated by saying "Hey! Blah blah blah, I have been busy, how about Friday night?" I would often respond by saying, "actually have I plans then, how about this instead?" What this does is say, hey I am not busy, nor am I at your beck and call, but yet I am not a jerk. But I only did this when she was being difficult to contact, if she was easy to get a hold of and schedule with, than I would also make it easy. But if she wasn't, I would make a statement that I am not rescheduling other things just for her.

As for the second paragraph you wrote, I don't respond to happy Easter or any holiday texts really. I think they are ridiculous most of the time. The majority of time I get one, it is obvious its a group message sent to the masses, and I don't frankly have time for that crap. Similar to wishing every single person I have on Facebook a happy birthday when it says to, my very important people? Perhaps I write a tailored post for them, but other wise I just ignore it. Her response to your Easter text could have very possibly been just a "obligatory" response, because it's something everyone and their great grandmother feels they must do. I recommend abstaining from those type of thing, have meaningful conversations and it will get you much further.

You can't always expect sparks to fly on the first date, for all you know she was going through something, or hell even on her period for that first date, which can make some girls feel awful and even ashamed that they know they aren't being a great date. Unless the date is horrible, if I think I might like the girl, I would try for a second.

PS, if you really like a girl, unless she is some tom-boy, most will appreciate ol' chivalry. Open the car door for her when she is getting in, don't run around the car like her personal butler to open it when you arrive at your destination, but when approaching the car, take the 15 seconds to make sure she gets in the car without trouble, its a small gesture that goes a very long ways for some women. Not all though!!!

The world of dating is not nearly as scary if you utilize the fact that you are confident enough to try, even if she might say no, and humble enough to have a voice to voice call, don't hide behind texts, not in the early stages.

 

8BitsOfStuggling gives great advice @elmo3334. Definitely listen. Also,

Let her know you like her, that you aren't putting her on the backburner. Make sure it is clear that the reason you gave her space was respect for her situation, or any other good reason you think caused it, just not negligence.

Most importantly though, I want to give you some advice for when you start really dating this girl, or any other girl in the future.

Always put yourself first. Every lasting, healthy relationship works on self-respect. Here are your priorities:

1) What you believe in. Everything that is fundementally important to you should never change for your partner. You should always listen to them and learn from them, but never change the way you treat the world to earn their affection.

2) Your life. It sounds counter intuitive, but it's important! Your partner deserves every ounce of respect you can manage, but your life should not be put on hold while you are dating. Both of you should understand that you have things that you enjoy and require, apart from each others' company, so that you both continue to resemble the awesome, independent people that you first were attracted to.

3) Your partner's life. This is where all the relationship stuff goes. Making time for eachother, having dates, taking interest in eachother's lives, etc. Everything you typically hear about relationships is priority number three.

I know this is not the step you are on with this girl, I'm not trying to freak you out, but I think it's important to take every relationship seriously. Anytime you date someone without the end goal in mind (a potential spouse), you are just setting yourself up for heartbrake.

Keep it fun and casual man, the dating experience should be one of the most enjoyable things you do in this part of your life. Just remember not to let it take over your life, and hopefully you can build some healthy, long-lasting relationships!

Good luck man, I hope you found my experience/opinion helpful!

 

You have absolutely nothing to lose by calling her. Just do it.

 

Yep wait for her. Ball is in her court. I'm glad you took the chance. If it doesn't pay off one day it might. Good luck

 

It sounds like you did well. I think there is a lot of potential here! Just stay empathetic with her and be patient. At the very least you will learn a lot. Good luck!

 

There is certainly a learning curve with it. I would agree with you, time to drop it and move on. "OK" is not a sufficient response for me to ever want to continue, its not personal, it just shows a lack of interest. Don't worry about her and continue to work on yourself. As the one post above said, focusing on yourself, learning who you are, is one of the best things you can do both in and out of the dating world.

For future reference, and I don't know how you said it (so I could be entirely wrong), but "letting a girl know you were thinking about her" over text should always be a flag to you, don't do it. Sparking legitimate conversation is different. Other than that, I wouldn't stress to much. You might have had a slightly better chance if you called, or you may not have - it all depends on the girl. It sounds to me like she is doing the "polite, passive" way of saying I am not interested. It's something many girls do, its quite horrible actually, don't let it string you along. Move forward without her.

Everyone needs baby steps to get into the game. Finding a groove that works for you is important. You can't date and be someone else, you will always fail. I don't know what it is, but often another person can sniff out if something doesn't seem genuine, or if it does. If it doesn't seem genuine, it can be a huge turn-off, how a person perceives character actually plays a lot into how attractive they think you are. Be yourself, continue to develop yourself, and you will have no problem finding women to date!

 

@elmo3334 : do you still have feeling to her? was that falling in love at the first sight . creating a relationship with no connection is tough. she already left. but u said she maybe shy, then maybe texting is a good idea?
u said u were uncertain of ur feeling, so are you certain of ur feeling now ?

so yeah if i were u, i would send her a few more messages (btw the messages shouldn't be general like anytime, something... cuz this kinda like finish the conversation and u both will get bored very quickly ). Then if she's still not interested. then just like other guys said above: move on with your journey of developing urself.

still curious if ur certain of ur feeling now

 

May you see much better results in your future attempts! You will meet someone else. You can always find someone else (eventually) and now you are prepared! Good luck