16 and Broken.

Hi Rosh720! Thank you for your honesty, and courage in sharing all that. I could relate a lot. I accidentally watched some sissy things thinking it was something else. And i actually did watch Cd porn but if there was more overt forms of abuse I would avoid it. It seemed like in my recent relapses I would go more towards TS porn and actively search it. I don't know what its about. But I don't think it's the real me.

I also watched incest, and gang bang types of porn. Again, I don't really understand it. I wouldn't want do actually do incest. But I guess it was the excitement.

Escalating porn tastes is just a hall mark of addiction. If you can get some time away from watching porn you will probably become more "vanilla" in taste as I have heard it said. This has been true for me too when I've gotten some days together.

The most challenging thing of reaching such "extremes" for me is that it makes me more afraid to reach out for help. Since I feel like I am the only one who watched such things. but being in recovery from this addiction I have found I definitely wasn't alone. And you're not alone either.

You're life definitely isn't ruined. Heck, you even have some time ahead of you in high school to recover. I didn't get to recover until after college. So you could probably enjoy your senior and maybe even junior year with these things behind you.

I think if you are already posting here at 16 you will recover. It doesn't happen over night but you will find out about a lot of helpful resources. I don't think you will be stuck this way for your whole life.

You're not a sissy and a little fake hypnosis thing on the computer can't break you. I hope you can be relieved of the need to expose yourself to these things. And know what its like to feel healthier and better about yourself.

 

Yeah! You are ahead of me. I didn't get to recovery until I was like 21. And recovery is a lot more available these days then when I was 16. So you have a really good life ahead of you.

I think the types of porn you got into aren't really your true self. That happens to a lot of people including me. And others whose stories I have heard and read.

There are a lot of people here who understand and accept you. You have tremendous courage for sharing this story because it will help so many people not think they are the only one.

 

Hey @Rosh720 ,

Welcome again. I know I said that on your profile, but just wanted to say it here as well.

One small technical piece of help. To put a trigger in a post click the + at the top of the box where you write your post and select "spoiler" Put a tittle in the box and you'll get two "BB Code" boxes for the spoiler. Just put your trigger in between the the two "BB Code" boxes. To put more post outside the spoiler just go past the last "]" and keep posting.

Spoiler: Not a Real Trigger - Just an Example

This is how it looks

OK, first relax. I'm serious, dude - listen to me. Take deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, now let it out. Do that a few times. You, my new found friend, needed those deep breaths.

Early in your post you mentioned knowing you were straight from a young age.

So, you are straight.

Yes, porn has fucked (can we say fucked on here?) with your head. That's what it does, pmo creates a fantasy world that with which the real world can't compete.

Having followed link and link to find a particular genre of "p" and sticking around watching it for a bit does not make you gay.

The NoFap Mission Statement quoted from the NoFap.com homepage:

"NoFap® is a comprehensive sexual health platform. We’re here to help you quit porn, improve your relationships, and reach your sexual health goals. Science-based, secular, and sex-positive."

If your sexual health goal is a normal family oriented life. Where you have sex with your wife - then you can achieve it.

VERY IMPORTANT: There is nothing about being gay that is not healthy or sex-positive. Trust me I know, I'm gay and know NoFap is helping me maintain a sex-positive life. But, pmo can't turn a gay man straight nor the other way around.

Staying away from that kind of false images and vids online is a great start. Every journey starts with the first step.

Perhaps. The solution is in the NoFap program. Read the "Getting Started with NoFap Guide" and the Rebooting Page.

Yup. So, you step on a board with a nail sticking out of it. Do you remove the nail from your foot and start healing or walk around with that nail in your foot forever?

In this case the "this" that is ruining your life is pmo. So, do you just live the rest of your life with pmo or do you "pull it out" and start healing?

--> L

 

For me NoFap is 1/2 program & 1/2 fellowship.

Click on these people and post a "hello" on their profiles.

I've found that the bricks that hold this community together are cemented with the support of the members of the fellowship.

@Barry Barnstein
@Ready to be healthy
@Brahmacharin
@tet2vd
@Satchi
@BigDawg913
@zakes
@LilD
@kropo82


Look at with whom they exchange messages and you will find more profiles.

So, if you would have found more profiles yourself, why suggest these particular ones as a start? Those relationships started with just saying hello. So, my ESH is that saying hello has kept the fellowship alive for myself.

Looking forward to your success and in seeing you say hello on these profiles,

--> L

 

One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Reading other's stories with their victories and even defeats is a big part of my program.

I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

@LeoJohn - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/159500/
---
@Iron Patience - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/155794/
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@ludwig525 - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/155658/
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@Mr.Imperfect - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/164547/
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@Inqonyama - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/166981/
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@GeeWhizz - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/152127/
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@Sunshadow - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/
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@Tomoya Okazaki - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143534/
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@Fortitudo - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
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@Dragonnlife - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/136148/
---

There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

--> L

PS - Starting a journal also helped me a great deal.

The journals are listed by age groups on the forum start page.

Most members run one journal only. That way both the member and others can go back and look at their journey at a later time.

Hope to read your journal soon. Also, in your personal details you can put a link to your journal. Then, appears under your avatar.

-

 

Hey @Rosh720,

Welcome to nofap! Hopefully you are doing well today. You put down quite a story! Luckily, none of the things you said are particularly shocking, surprising or unusual. At the age you are at your mind is extremely volatile, it WANTS to explore new, unusual things. Combined with the slide towards more extreme and unusual things to PMO to that is well documented with pornography addiction, it is unsurprising you specifically seek out things that confuse, disturb or otherwise neagtively affect you.

Like others have said, while it might feel like you ruined your life, all you have done up until this point was just worsening the life you have lived. Whatever is ahead of you is unwritten, and it's up to you to decide what to do with it. Being on here means you have accepted that you have a problem, and want to deal with it.

I would personally always suggest trying to get help from a medical professional. In most Western countries sex addiction (which is the category under which you can also find porn addiction) is considered a mental problem, same as depression. This means that it is covered by basic insurance. If you are serious about gettign a head start to tackle this problem, I would first suggest going to your GP (hopefully it is one you get along with) and discussing the issue with them. You are extremely likely to be heard and should get a reference to a cogntive behaviour therapist. These are people who specialise in treating addictions and oother unwanted behaviours.

See, the only problem you truly have is a compulsive behaviour, which is likely the cause of most of your other issues. Working on this with a professional, combined with the support of the nofap program, ought to get you where you want to be!

 

Wow. I don't know what to say but I'm sorry for your situation. I know at least partly what you are going through, I've been addicted to sissy porn specifically for about 1-2 years now. I'm going to take a leap and say that about 85% of your anxiety and problems is due to porn. Porn is a burden, and as you are well aware it makes you hate yourself and nervous throughout life going through it with that burden. Drop the burden. It won't be simple, but what other choice do you have?

Good luck friend.

 

How are you doing these days my friend? Im going through a similar thing but my situation is very bad atm. See my problem always was that i felt that the arousal to transwoman porn was too strong to forget, stronger than real life situation with women and combining that with the fact i have ocd, its a living hell. I havent been able to function for 3 years now. Anyway i hope you're doing better and update us on how you doing.