180 Day Warrior Challenge (Updated)

Relapsed again. Last chance. Day 0!

So she asked me to go down on her later because she needed it (very directly, which hasn't happened in 2 years of us dating). She went to watch some tv so I put on spotify and painted a huge mural celebrating our relationship. It was a really amazing heart with our initials, and randon paint splatter. It said "Love is Messy, but it Lasts Forever" for her in the extra room upstairs (art room). I even lit it with a spotlight for dramatic effect so she would see it when she came upstairs. I jumped into bed and waited for her to come up.
After 1230 rolled around I checked on her. Conked out on the sofa.
She came up to the room and didn't notice the painting on the wall, so I hinted that she go check on the kids to hope she saw it. But she said the kids were fine probably and jumped into bed and passed out again.
Came downstairs (double entendre?) And took out my hurt and frustration. And here I am. Feeling like I used it almost as a silent weapon against her.

She knows I'm in recovery and that I have used porn in the past, having preferred it to hassling her for sex, and she was hurt by my last relapse.

Debating whether to tell her about this. I feel like such an idiot for trying to do something romantic and having it yet again go unnoticed.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/QRIszQp3gKKVWclw1

 

Day 24
It's not getting any easier, feels like I'm trying to do battle with a wall. Granted the wall is cracking slowly, but it's taking a long ass time to crumble down. Still can't give up, because that's what PMO wants us to think!

 

6:th day, feeling goooood! Had temptation of shortcut in another area, potatochips and licorice, chose to snack on sunflower seeds and cut vegetables instead, to let go of your principles is a slippery slope.. (I´ve experienced that if i "sin" in one area, I more likely continue to do it in other areas too, that day). So I´ve very happy for another victorious day.

 

Keep fighting!

 

Hi man,
Tell her, I know how it feels that you do your best to impress someone but they ignore it, but, since she's your wife, you should tell her. Tell her how much you wanted her to become happy seeing that picture. Let go of every dark thing that's inside you! Share them! It's your wife, you can trust her, tell her everything, she maybe the light you are looking for.

Btw nice painting!

 

It is ok man, some of us our going strong over here!!!

 

Day 5...i am in.. I will be here everyday

 

Checking in going strong!

 

hi, Still here just a lot happening.. I went for a 1 week intensive inner child resolution program and it taught me a lot about myself... so i have been a bit off.
Still resisting temptation

 

I agree with you, at least I think I have an addictive personality, i can't do things half way... maybe a bit of Aspergers too

 

Went in with 0 rehersal and crushed those presesentations! I have always been an above average presenter, but more because of the quality of my PPT rather than the presentation style. This time, I felt 0 nervousness. Absolutely NO butterflies in the stomach. I also noticed that my voice was much deeper with absolutely no sign of nervousness at any point. I could maintain good eye contact with the audience and answer questions confidently, even when I didn't really have the answers. I could tell that my audience was impressed, every time! High testosterone making a difference? Or simply a placebo. I don't really care. The experience was better than usual and that is what matters.

 

7:th day check in, feeling strong and proud!

 

I am 13 days no PMO . I was able to give my last exam at university. Usually, after an exam I relapsed because I used PMO as a relaxation, as a way to espress all feelings. Now I choose not so, I don't want PMO, i want rewire my brain. So today I decided to come back to do karate, I call my friends , i want to be connected, i want to be alive. I know PMO is, let's say, a sort of emptying of myself after bombarding my brain with dopamine. I can think one day at time. Only today I can talk about

 

Hey guys,

Today I want to talk about why internet tells you that PMO is "Healthy"

We all have at some point, googled, side effects of Pmo but the fact that almost every result tells you that pmo is healthy and calling the side effects "Myths" leaves us in the dark.

So why is exactly that? Are they really telling the truth?

When I was 12 my father once told me, "In this [Modern] world, everything is related to Business Cycle." At that time, being only 12, it made no sense. But, now I truly understand what he meant. Internet might be bullshitting you with lies just for money from porn producer, websites and potentially doctors. Yes, doctors. They tell you on the internet that fapping is healthy and shit just to make you or your family, addicted, sick, depressed, anxious, eye floaters and many more ilness so then you have to go back to doctors, whether it be, doctor, pharmacy, psychologist or counselor and to give them your money. Not this rule applies to media but it applies to real life too. For example once I had to fix my computer, but the mechanic didn't fix it properly just so then I'd return to him and pay him more.

Secondly, there, literally has been made NO real research in regard with PMO, globally. So whenever you read, according to this or that or him, those are all lies, made only to get the money out of your pocket.

Thirdly, we all agree that everything has improved due to experience. So would you lean on your experience or all these bullshits?

Good luck to me and all those who are fighting this evil act.
#BeTheWarrior

 

Hi guys! Checking in.
I`m going through hard emotional times ( I have searched into the past and find a girl I treated wrong about 7 months ago and rereading the messages I found out I really messed it up and texted her to apologize for how I treated her she had forgiven me but is a little bit skeptikal about why I texted her so sudenly after that long time and I relly have no idea why. It was something that I just realised one night and couldn`t wait to say sorry for the way I treated her) why it is hard? well I think I felt something about her in the past and I guess I still feel something now but this huge emotional wave of regret that hit washed a big part of my positivity. One thing that makes me feel good in this moment is when I look at my counter and see what it says and ten I loook back and I`m like: YES! I arrrived here! almost 30 days! Everything is bad is certainly better now than if was using PMO. So yes! even the hard times gets easier and better when you realised that you have alleviated your mood with NoFap. So, thank you NoFap for inventing no PMO and helping us (at least me) dealing with emotions. When I look back at my counter I get courage and pride and a desire to do more! It dosen`t matter if it`s hard, it dosen`t matter if it`s easy, It matters that you DEAL with it and get THE MOST you can out of it!

#beTHEwarrior

 

I m in day 12

 

Reporting.

 

Well said!

 

Hey guys I'm in.
Today is the eight day of my streak (second try) and I am proud that I come near to the double digits.
This challenge wont be easy, but I hope that it encourages me to stay on my path.
PMO was not a big problem in the last days, but I have the problem, that I play mobile games frequetly.
Just as discussed I while back in this thread, I think that PMO is the source of an addictional mindset.
But meditation and writing help me to rethink my actions. Thus I am planning to ban mobile games and facebook from life.

Did anyone of you made experiences with this kind of compansational behaviour?
What are your strategys to keep the mind clean?

Stay strong everyone!