30 days update:

Wow.. where to begin..

This past month has been a rollercoaster to say the very least..

Its all kind of a blur, so I will try recount the key points as best as I can, but I will begin by saying that this has been by far the best decision I have ever made, and nothing I have done to further my personal growth comes close to the changes I've seen in myself..

In the past I've suffered social anxiety, poor memory, depression as well as a short attention span.. Despite (allegedly) having a high IQ, I just could never seem to put myself to good use.. I've been trying to make lifestyle changes over the years, and have had much success, gradually, but have definitely been improving steadily over the years..

This past month, though, my progress has gone through the roof!!

Week one was the hardest for me.. All I could think about was sex.. I couldn't pay attention at work or uni. I was snappy toward my partner, I was generally all over the place.. Occasionally, though, I felt moments of clarity. Something told me that I was doing the right thing.. This was a kind of purging, and although unpleasant it felt right, so I stuck at it..

I seemed to have a lot of erratic, chaotic energy that I didn't know where to put.. So I started excercising most mornings.. push ups or sit ups.. I felt very present as I did them.. It was intense. I was an unfiltered mess for the rest of those days, but while doing those pushups/ situps I was in the zone!

Toward the end of week 2 I came down with the flu.. but oddly I still felt highly energetic.. By this time, I was more able to direct my energy.. I had began doing a free online course on a new coding language a few weeks prior that I decided to go back to.. This course usually was hard for me to digest, and I would have to really think about things to understand them.. Now, it was different..

I walked to the library on a sweltering hot day (still with a terrible flu) and went to a small room up the back and was working away at this coding course.. I usually can't wait to give myself a break, but I couldn't pull myself away this time.. I'd been there for about an hour and a half when the librarian walked in and apologised to me about the heat, as the air conditioning was broken.. At that moment I looked down at myself and realised I was completely drenched with sweat, and I hadn't the faintest clue..

Since then, with some exceptions I have been a nearly insatiable sponge for knowledge.. I read a lot more, I code a lot more than I used to.. In the last month I finished the original coding course I had mentioned, plus learned the foundations of Python in 2 days.. It is effortless learning, I feel like I am picking up these concepts by osmosis.. This is in my spare time, mind you.. I am still keeping up with my course work in my uni degree and work part time..

I also constantly have great ideas for apps that I want to make, and I feel really driven towards getting them made.

Sex with my partner has been interesting.. We've had more sex in the last month than we have in a while.. With some down sides, though.. There have been a few times where I've come pretty damned fast, but I suppose thats to be expected as my senses are reengaging to real sex.. My god it is amazing though.. I feel so much closer with my partner, and she looks more beautiful than ever to me.. It becomes the little things.. her hands wrapping around mine, her scent, the way she arches her back.. The minutia becomes so much sexier as compared to the gross exaggeration we become accustomed to in porn..


My social anxiety has improved in leaps and bounds, too.. It was always challenging to look certain people in the eye, but recently its been so much easier.. I really do feel that much more comfortable in my own skin..

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I've struggled with my low moods, lack of drive and discipline for my whole life, and have been making steady improvements.. I've been through periods where I was more or less bedridden with depression.. Unable to work or socialize, laying in bed and intermittently jerking off between between suicidal fantasies..

I decided a while ago that I had to get my act together and toward a better life, and I have.. There have been many things I've done that have made a difference such as: meditation, journalling, exercise, reading self help books.. All these things more or less stabilized me, so I could just scrape by in life as a functional adult, but now I feel like I'm ready to thrive and excel!


I've you're reading this because you're thinking about trying nofap, you have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain.. If you're rebooting and finding it tough, hang in there! There is no better feeling than this!!