44 days done

firepirex · Mar 3, 2020

I reached the 44th day.

I can't say I see pink life.
I have a habit of healthier living.
my taste changes in matters of woman I am more cheeky on the vibe than appearance.
I socialize more because I am more often outside.
I do not maintain any friendship except those of very long standing just nice but superficial meeting.
I play sports every day, boxing, crossfit.
on the other hand I have dark ideas, and of suicide and a desire to live for those whom I love. I think I can drown it is dark in me discipline, adventurous but if it gets worse I plan to go fight my bloody face in a ring. I believe that I have a mental problem against myself and I do not speak. on the longterm I feel the need to write my career and resume studies in order to offer support to the gent suffering from mental illness.

Mithras · Mar 4, 2020

Congratulations! Keep going this way.

Can you develop your mental illness concerns?
I also think that writing your career and studies is a great idea for yourself and to help others, I also plan to do it.

Do you feel better overall?

I think that as addicts we are all more or less impacted by some sort of mental illness due to self-harm and unhealthy living in general. Deep settled in bad habits our ego just wants to survive and creates all sorts of excuses to stay in the same dopamine loop over and over again even if deep inside, we know that something is wrong... but weakened and blind it's very tough to get outside of this game. The first step is becoming conscious of all of this shit, we are the few that could get on the first stage leading to a better life, we should be proud of it!

As soon as you try to get out of PMO and try to live a healthier life, I think you create some sort of cognitive dissonance. You become aware of all the pain you inflict(ed) to yourself and the wounds you carry due to your self-indulgence but your old "you" is still here and wants to be fed like an inner little monster.

When I started Nofap 1 year ago, I was a hollow: masturbating at least once a day, smoking huge amounts of marijuana, drinking and partying several days a week, low energy, involved in toxic relationships. I was also paranoid, had attention and memory problems. I was scared of being alone with myself because of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.

Now it's getting better as I developed healthy habits along with abstinence but I'm still struggling with past wrong choices and years of self-hatred and autodestruction. Dark ideas and suicidal thoughts won't go away from a day to another, it takes time. Building self-love and confidence is a long process as our souls are broken from the past. But the recovery is very fast and so enjoyable, I'm pretty sure you can notice improvements every day...at least I do.

Stay stong brother.

Deleted Account · Mar 4, 2020

Mithras said: ↑

Congratulations! Keep going this way.

Can you develop your mental illness concerns?
I also think that writing your career and studies is a great idea for yourself and to help others, I also plan to do it.

Do you feel better overall?

I think that as addicts we are all more or less impacted by some sort of mental illness due to self-harm and unhealthy living in general. Deep settled in bad habits our ego just wants to survive and creates all sorts of excuses to stay in the same dopamine loop over and over again even if deep inside, we know that something is wrong... but weakened and blind it's very tough to get outside of this game. The first step is becoming conscious of all of this shit, we are the few that could get on the first stage leading to a better life, we should be proud of it!

As soon as you try to get out of PMO and try to live a healthier life, I think you create some sort of cognitive dissonance. You become aware of all the pain you inflict(ed) to yourself and the wounds you carry due to your self-indulgence but your old "you" is still here and wants to be fed like an inner little monster.

When I started Nofap 1 year ago, I was a hollow: masturbating at least once a day, smoking huge amounts of marijuana, drinking and partying several days a week, low energy, involved in toxic relationships. I was also paranoid, had attention and memory problems. I was scared of being alone with myself because of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.

Now it's getting better as I developed healthy habits along with abstinence but I'm still struggling with past wrong choices and years of self-hatred and autodestruction. Dark ideas and suicidal thoughts won't go away from a day to another, it takes time. Building self-love and confidence is a long process as our souls are broken from the past. But the recovery is very fast and so enjoyable, I'm pretty sure you can notice improvements every day...at least I do.

Stay stong brother.
Click to expand...

This is helpful. Thanks

firepirex · Mar 5, 2020

Mithras said: ↑

Congratulations! Keep going this way.

Can you develop your mental illness concerns?
I also think that writing your career and studies is a great idea for yourself and to help others, I also plan to do it.

Do you feel better overall?

I think that as addicts we are all more or less impacted by some sort of mental illness due to self-harm and unhealthy living in general. Deep settled in bad habits our ego just wants to survive and creates all sorts of excuses to stay in the same dopamine loop over and over again even if deep inside, we know that something is wrong... but weakened and blind it's very tough to get outside of this game. The first step is becoming conscious of all of this shit, we are the few that could get on the first stage leading to a better life, we should be proud of it!

As soon as you try to get out of PMO and try to live a healthier life, I think you create some sort of cognitive dissonance. You become aware of all the pain you inflict(ed) to yourself and the wounds you carry due to your self-indulgence but your old "you" is still here and wants to be fed like an inner little monster.

When I started Nofap 1 year ago, I was a hollow: masturbating at least once a day, smoking huge amounts of marijuana, drinking and partying several days a week, low energy, involved in toxic relationships. I was also paranoid, had attention and memory problems. I was scared of being alone with myself because of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.

Now it's getting better as I developed healthy habits along with abstinence but I'm still struggling with past wrong choices and years of self-hatred and autodestruction. Dark ideas and suicidal thoughts won't go away from a day to another, it takes time. Building self-love and confidence is a long process as our souls are broken from the past. But the recovery is very fast and so enjoyable, I'm pretty sure you can notice improvements every day...at least I do.

Stay stong brother.
Click to expand...

thank bro, it is indeed very close to what you say. and it realy helps me to see that I'm not alone.

I have been stupid for 5 years and I am paying it now.
I always had talent in art, I made wall art, I had my style and last year I managed to make a name for myself in my city. in five years I had gained weight and when I had succeeded, gossip and gossip had grown too heavy, betrayal, mockery, caricature, defamation. I had deleted all of my work from Instagram and from the account itself. my partner and my investor were furious but, i never dared to talk about the causes, i had become paranoid about everything. some of the people who know me have waited until I come back to paint a large wall but I refuse to be known, I can't do it. so yes i hate my old self, but i also gave up on my dreams.
NoFap was the next step for better self discipline. I'm not chasing dreams now, I just want to be good in my baskets.

PowerfulSRE · Mar 5, 2020

Brother, congratulations on 44 days. That is a great success.

About dark ideas, suicide, depression. I think those are only withdrawal effects and it will pass eventually. But nevertheless, I strongly recommend you to visit a professional. Take some medication or at least speak to someone who can help you. I am not saying that medication is good (actually I hate meds), but sometimes they can help. Maybe you can use some antidepressants for a few months, plus keep your streak and it will all be easier then.

Good luck man, and don't stop at 44, that's only a beginning!

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44 days done

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