65 years old with ED

I have gone round and round believing that "Internet porn isn't really a problem, is it?" Then I could not keep up an erection during sex with my wife. I truly believed my days of having sex were over. My wife believed it too. Then I got on Google with my phone, switched to the "incognito" mode, preparing to look for porn. Google popped up a suggestion for an anti-porn website before I could do anything. I went to it. I saw a video that said by using porn, my brain secreted chemicals that caused bonding to happen. Those same chemicals happen during normal sex as well. In normal sex, you bond with a human. In porn sex, you bond with a fantasy. So I did not look for porn. Then I started looking at other videos that talked about porn. One of them hit me like a thunderbolt. It is entitled "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong". It is a Ted talk by Johann Hari. He posits that the opposite of addiction is not abstinence, it is connection. He offers a lot of proof for his theory, and spent a lot of time researching it.
Anyway, as for my success story, this morning, a mere five days into my abstinence (Yes, I am using the connection thing as way to STAY abstinent) I woke up with an erection, and my wife and I had wonderful sex, in which I did NOT fantasize about anything but her. I was tremendously more present. Yay!

 

I am happy for you to have found the wisdom to pursue the NoFap lifestyle. Your life will be so much better, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

 

Real simple, I have been married four times, this time being the longest, 17 years. I have been in love with porn forever. However, internet porn took things to a whole new level. I used to stay up late with my current wife in bed and "do" porn for hours. My wife complained that I was being unfaithful, that I was essentially making love with images on a computer screen instead of her. At the time, I rejected her statement. Now I understand the literal truth of it, from a brain chemistry standpoint. It goes like this, four chemicals are released when sexual activity takes place. The combination creates bonding with the object of sexual stimulation.
Recently, I would do porn for a few days, then try to lay off in anticipation of making love with my wife. However, although I achieved an erection, I could not sustain it. To be clear, I am in excellent health otherwise, 6'2", 170 lbs, non-smoker, vitamin taker, almost no medications. This was clearly Porn Induced Erection Dysfunction. I was not, however, dissuaded from porn by this, incredibly.
One of the things porn use did to me was make me "weak". I know you wanted direct, but I am hard pressed to explain exactly what I mean. I do know that I feel waay better.
The big thing that helped me to get the true antidote was this video:

 

I am happy for you to have found the wisdom to pursue the NoFap lifestyle. Your life will be so much better, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

 

Thanks! So far, so good. I also use this site as a major connection point.
I like what you said about the talk transcending addiction. Well put.

 

What is the flatline? Great to hear about good sex! I have had sex again since my first post about ED, and it was way better, too.

 

Thanks! I seem to have the very real need for exercise, which shows up when I start feeling agitated. I can head that off by simply exercising regularly. I have found when I am agitated, the desire to PM is stronger, which makes exercising all the more important.
I will say, now that I am farther into putting feet to my commitment, that I feel much more alive. This shows up by my engaging new folks in conversation, trying new experiences (going to a potluck, attending a swim exercise class), and being much more present during conversations with my wife.
Putting feet to my commitment means more than abstinence, although that is part of it. It means making new connections; telling myself a new story (better self talk); varied exercise; sex with my wife without resorting to any kind of fantasy during it.