78 days of Hard Mode

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Peppo, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. Peppo

    Peppo New Fapstronaut

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    Lurker turned poster here.

    I decided to share my story (going against my natural internet tendencies) in the hope that it may bolster others out there struggling. If you like, skip my history as it could trigger you. I've included it nevertheless as it helps give a fuller picture of my success thus far.

    MO= Masturbate to orgasm
    PMO = Porn and masturbation to orgasm
    ED = Erectile Dysfunction
    WD = wet dreams

    ***HISTORY***

    I started MOing before the age of 10. That means I've been doing it on a near daily basis for nearly 20 years. In the last 5-6 years this has become PMO (I was late to the Smartphone thing). I was forced to get a Blackberry by my friends, and a whole netherworld of porn opened up. Obviously I had come across this stuff before, but when you only had access via a family PC in the open plan lounge, it was sporadic. My phone now accompanied me to bed EVERY night. I reckon I spent perhaps 360 nights of every year since 2010 PMOing. Being generous, I'd say that was at least 15 minutes a throw (more like half an hour). Doing the maths, I think I must have spent at LEAST 3 solid weeks of my life using porn. This doesn't account for the times I watched it prior to Mr Blackberry appearing, nor does it account for the numerous binges along the way. Base level - 3 weeks, absolute minimum... Now, I am a sexually active man, but I have not been in a long term sexual relationship for 8 years. Sexual encounters since then have been relatively spaced out. In other words, my primary sexual outlet is by myself with a phone for company.

    A few months ago, I was in a sexual situation with a girl, when I noticed I was not really standing to attention so to speak. This was rather embarrassing for me, and it was obviously putting her on edge as well. All in all, a toe curler of a situation. This was when I REALLY started paying attention... In the next few days, I noticed that my porn use had not changed, but my physiological response had. I can't be bothered trying to talk around this: my erections were lackluster, even with familiar material I knew I loved. Moreover, if I tried a simple MO instead, I took ages to get it up at all. This properly terrified me. I had never had a problem with this sort of thing before, and my sexual imagination had always been very strong. Now I was lifeless without some hardcore porn, and even with that, it was nothing to write home about. Worse still, forcing myself to MO with an inattentive member was physically damaging me. Think death grip, bruising, friction lesion etc (the shame). Thinking that I must have some sort of physiological erectile dysfunction, I went online. And that was when I discovered NoFap.

    I have given up porn once before. Two years ago, the end of 2014, I decided that with the prevalence of revenge porn, and the uploading of videos without both partner's consent, I wanted out. The pro-porn never floated my boat, and now that amateur stuff's morality had been called into question, I opted to give it all up. However, I continued to MO daily ( at this point I had no ED problems). The first couple of months were easy (probably as I had two sexual encounters to tide me over). Then things got difficult. I realised my sex drive was waning. Horrified, I thought that quitting porn had killed my libido, so I started phasing in soft stuff on Youtube(erotic music videos, massage techniques and so on). This worked but it was such a faff finding anything suitable that by about 10 months I chucked it and went back to the porn. Had I known about NoFap at this point, I would have pushed on through... This brings us back to the present day, and I am 78 days 'clean'.

    ***PRESENT DAY***

    I gave up PMO in late August 2016. This coincided with a holiday away to visit friends, which was perfect. An unfamiliar one bed flat with paper thin walls on a freezing cold blow up bed definitely helped to dampen the urges. That week was actually pretty easy. I didn't miss P at all, but I will say that going to sleep each night with no MO was odd and a little tricky. Returning home, I caved and MO'd, with a chaser night the next day. However, this was without P. And then my current streak began...

    I wish I had kept a diary now, but at the time I wanted to think about the abstinence as little as possible. I'd actually recommend this strategy to you all as well. If you are ticking off the days, it becomes a pressure situation. If you relapse, you may take it harder. By over-focusing on the challenge, you also make it more difficult as it is often at the forefront of your thoughts. Here's what I remember:

    ***FIRST TWO WEEKS OR SO***
    Very difficult. My daily habit has been PMO just before I go to sleep (and prior to P it was just straight forward MO before sleep). Lying in bed each night with no post-PMO stupor to jettison me into the land of nod was bizarre. All I could think about was MO. Those nights were tough. I was shocked at how deeply ingrained my 'routine' had become. 'Going to bed' had become a trigger. Also, I had incredible blue balls. For those that don't know, this feels like your balls are being gently squeezed to the point that it's uncomfortable, constantly. The blue balls were so persistent throughout those days that I genuinely considered giving up the whole thing.

    ***MIDDLE WEEKS***
    Blue balls thankfully vanished. Libido was low, but still present. I thought this was a flatline. Going to bed with no MO was still challenging but I didn't miss P at all. I had quite a clear shot at a potentially sexual situation with an old flame but passed it over, mainly because I feared I was too early in my reboot and wouldn't be able to perform. I wanted to give myself the full 90 days before I got back in the water.

    ***AROUND DAY 60***
    REALLY flatlined. What I thought was a flatline before was nothing in comparison to this. It was like someone ran my sex drive over with a monster truck. If this had been without prior knowledge of 'the flatline' I would DEFINITELY have gone back to PMO. This lasted around a fortnight but it wasn't depressing as I knew this could happen, so waited it out.

    ***ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER***
    Tangibly felt like I had pushed through some barrier. Felt like something had 'clicked' so to speak. Then I had two WD in one freaking night! For me this is a huge deal. Prior to NoFap this year, I had had two WD in my entire life. Both of these occurred years apart, and were linked to periods of high sexual stimulation with a couple of girls I was seeing but hadn't slept with. Since the start of September (the start of my proper hard mode streak) I have had 8 WDs! Interestingly, they have become more common as the challenge continues. The first month I had just one. Now they seem to happen every 7 to 12 days or so. Still can't believe I had two in one night though. Perhaps this is my body physiologically 'leaving' it's P dependence behind. Some people argue the rhythm of your WD signifies the rhythm you should be MO'ing. This is not scientific, but it is interesting.

    ***DAY 78***
    Feel good. I'm pretty certain I will manage 90 days now; the end is in sight! I am actually considering doing a longer reboot as when I do become spontaneously aroused, I sometimes snap back to old P scenes I enjoyed. This has lessened, but its continued presence suggests I could go deeper into the reboot. Also, lying in my bed, I still have an urge to grab my phone. I usually do, and then fart about on Facebook. Perhaps it is kind of a unconscious surrogate. I don't look at titillating stuff by any means, but the action is eerily similar to my old PMO routine. Going to sleep without MO has become more normal but it continues to be a weaker point in the challenge for me. Nevertheless, it is massively easier than 78 days ago.

    SOME OBSERVANCES:
    I'm pretty sure a lot of anecdotal reports on NoFap are steeped in Placebo effect. I can only speak from my own experience, but things like my self confidence and emotional state remain unaffected. I don't believe that doing this will automatically make you a happier, sexier, testosterone-fueled superhero version of yourself. A lot of those effects are tied up with a rats nest of other psychological co-dependants. In other words, NoFap will affect each person differently, interacting with their existing baggage in unique ways. This is not to knock the placebo effect; it's a strong and indisputable phenomena that is often harnessed by the medical profession. I'm just saying go in with your eyes open and try to be sensitive to your own issues and reasons for doing this. Personally, I have become more forthright with girls now, as I realise they are the only way I will have 'fun times'! If you close the door on self pleasure it kind of forces you down that route. This could be scary for some, but perhaps needed.

    One thing I am worried about is how sexual stamina will be affected. If I go 90 days without MO, the next time I get lucky I'm surely going to blow my wad in 2 seconds. We can laugh about this, but that could be seriously humiliating and potentially knock me back into PMO mode. Hopefully not.

    Lastly, the ED. I now wake up with morning wood every day and get frequent 'twinges' at fairly innocuous stuff. I haven't tested myself as this is heartily un-reccommended by everyone in the know. I'm trying to avoid sexual encounters till the 90 day mark as well. The ocurrence of WDs excites me as it suggests you truly can achieve O without any physical stimulation. One day I'd like to explore this with a willing woman. Maybe even tantric sex. This is important. Have plans for the future BEYOND NoFap. If you make this the pinnacle of your sexual journey, you have missed the point. Nofap is there to get you back on the right tracks so you can have an healthy, enjoyable sex life. It's not there to make you a militant anti-orgasm monk.

    Who knows what the future holds.

    Cheers
     
  2. tattleen7

    tattleen7 Guest

    Inspiring,Thank You And Well Done!
     
  3. DBug

    DBug Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing your amazing story.
    May you pass the 90-days-mark and all the following marks!
     
  4. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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  5. chibulls009

    chibulls009 New Fapstronaut

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    I know this is an old post and you probably won’t see this reply, but thank you for posting this, it has really helped me. I say this because it seems that most people who post have abused porn way more than I did and i can’t relate (which gave me doubts on whether porn was actually my issue). This post however was right on track with my behavior - porn just before bed almost every night for 15mins to an hour maybe. So it’s refreshing to see someone who had a similar history as me beat this thing with hard-mode. I’m about 65 days in and i’ve had some sexual encounters and got rock hard but decided not to O. I think I want to wait til 90 days just to make sure, and this post is giving me added fuel to do so.
     

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