90+ days free. I can see colours again.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Tank89, Mar 23, 2017.

  1. Tank89

    Tank89 Fapstronaut

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    Dear Nofappers,
    I'd like to say "hello" to all and every single one of You. Let me share my words with You.

    WHERE WAS I

    My story is typical. I watched porn for the first time when I was 10 or 11. Since then, pornography has accompanied me for 16 (yes, sixteen) years. I don't wanna go deeply into details. You all know how it is. I've been struggling for years. I had couple of decent streaks but every time addiction found a way to confuse my spirit, mind and body.

    WHERE AM I NOW

    This year I'll be 28. The last three months were different. I've made it. I was able to start process of real change. For good. I feel it deeply inside. Moment is decisive. If you go through it You'll never come back to darkness. You know how brightness looks and feels like now. There is no way back.

    STORY OF THE LAST RELAPSE

    Last time I relapsed in December 2016, seven days before Christmas Eve. I sniffed some drugs night before and went to a techno party. I relapsed in the morning. It hurt badly because I had long streak until then. It was my final fall and the beginning of my success story.

    Yes, I met a girl at that party. She texted me just after my relapse. Then I realized, with the strongest intensity I ever experienced, what the fuck I just did. In one moment I understood what impact this addiction had on me. I realized how I constantly missed my chances. My thought was: "You have to do everything contrariwise this time, don't run away but step into real life once again".

    SUCCESS STORY

    We have the most amazing relationship now. I told her my story and allowed her to reject me, but it didn't happen. In the beginning, I wasn't the best lover and guess what? She didn't break up with me because of my "little bed experience". What's more, she waited for my readiness to do "it".

    (And guys, trust me, relationships are not only about sex. Yes, It's beautiful, yes it's very important, yes girls love it, but I'm sure You too gonna realize that the closest relationships are much more complex.)

    I've fought against all my worst fears and nightmares. At the same time I've allowed my heart to feel and my eyes to cry. I was the most honest guy I could be. I dropped my masks of cynicism, posturing and showing off. I let myself be who I really was. That's the trick.

    Through all these years I've played a role. Role of a guy who was strong and role of a guy You cannot hurt. A guy who was too brilliant to allow anybody to get closer to him. A guy who hid a sticky, dark secret and who molded his masks from it.

    IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR WILL

    Don't mess it with a willpower to fight against porn addiction. It's about Your will to open Your heart, to drop Your masks of self-destruction, to show Your sensitivity and allow Yourself to being vulnerable. The will to be the way You really are. Especially If You feel weak.

    Now I feel alive, finally. When I think about these last three months I don't even remember a single moment when I was even close to watch porn. I dedicated my time completely to immerse into this relationship. You have to do the same. It can be anything. Anything from Your dream shelf. And be sincere with Yourself.

    Dawid from Poland

    PS. Sorry for possible errors.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2017
  2. Fringe

    Fringe Fapstronaut

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    i Love success stories
     
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  3. PieLover

    PieLover Fapstronaut

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    Great motivation story!
    Did you have any PIED/ED problems? Did they heal?
     
    Bryaan likes this.
  4. Wonderfully written.
     
  5. nojerking

    nojerking Fapstronaut

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    amazing. I am so happy for you. I have tears in my eyes man. I hope to experience everything you said. tks for your words
     
    Bryaan, NF SINCE BIRTH and PotentLife like this.
  6. wasisapowerfulword

    wasisapowerfulword New Fapstronaut

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    This is so good to hear. That life gets better when you do NoFap. I've been seriously struggling maintaining a streak. I'll have days of high resolve followed by moments of lazy loneliness that kill me. Thanks for your story dude. You're an inspiration.
     
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  7. Thanks for your story The Only Way is Up!
     
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  8. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Straight from the heart.

    Thanks for sharing!
     
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  9. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Brilliant line, Dawid! I feel your power in this post and congratulate you on your success in abstinence, your newfound love and your determination.
     
    Bryaan, vibemaker and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  10. Peetie22

    Peetie22 Fapstronaut

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    I like your post. Not only are you dealing with your addiction but you are leaning into your new relationship - with a new found honesty. I hope this becomes my story too.
     
    Bryaan likes this.
  11. Congrats on your success! It sure helps others to read that people can and do get through the pain and onto the freedom. Thank you for your post!
     
  12. Fink93

    Fink93 Fapstronaut

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    man i love this. i will definitely stay strong for a long time (no PMO).
    props to you man, your text literally flooded tears into my eyes.
    keep strong.
     
    PotentLife and Bryaan like this.
  13. Harry Maclad

    Harry Maclad Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the motivation. You really inspired me. Keep going on this journey called LIFE!!!
     
  14. Pyara31

    Pyara31 Fapstronaut

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    Beautifully said brother. Congratulations and Keep on moving forward
     
  15. Tank89

    Tank89 Fapstronaut

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    I thought I wouldn't have problems in this field but yes, I had it. In the begininng of the relationship I still had many mixed feelings and dirty desires inside. Many of them were related to my porn past. At the same time I had difficulties with "getting up". It was quite frustrating. We decided to wait a bit when I would be ready. And our patience paid off. One night "it" came very naturally. I didn't think much about how I would perform. We just did it. Since then, we have sex on regular basis and every time is more intense and immersive than the previous one. I suppose, I had to release my true feelings for her from within and be also sure that we gained mutual trust to each other. Before this moment I treated sex too mechanically and It was probablly a side effect of watching porn for a long time. So, yes, my PIED is cured :)
     
  16. PieLover

    PieLover Fapstronaut

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    These are very motivating words. At least for me. Thanks :)
     
  17. Springjim2000

    Springjim2000 Fapstronaut

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    90 days +!

    Brilliant. This is my goal, and i salute you where you stand, way, way up the mountain.

    So now you have done 90 days....what next?
     
  18. Bryaan

    Bryaan Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations!
    This text was really inspiring!
     
  19. DanRan

    DanRan Fapstronaut

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    You speak to me on so many levels it's not even funny. This is amazing and this should be the success story, the way you describe willpower just clicks with me, not in a way that I had already knew but in a way that I'll never forget those words.

    Your doing all of us proud!!
     
    Bryaan likes this.
  20. Tank89

    Tank89 Fapstronaut

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    To be honest I lost count of days couple of weeks ago. I had to check how many days passed before posting this. I don't focus on days anymore. I have new activities and responsibilities that fill my days since the early morning to the dark night. I'm aware of my occasional porn urges, but all of things I've experienced and learned during my journey created some kind of impassable firewall within me. Before, it was like a vicious cycle. The only way to escape from it, was to do something differently and boldly. I have to admit, that I still have days of malaise and anxiety too, but my recent realization and general awarness help to go through them. Plans for future? Definitively spiritual growth, rearrangament of my career and developing hobbies. Every day something fresh appears on the horizon so I prefer get to know new things than focusing on unchangeable old (sometimes it's hard, I know, but we all have to keep doing it).
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
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