A couple of advantages of watching porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by frere, Jun 3, 2021.

  1. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone i am currently trying to understand why i am struggeling with nofap/porn/fapping and want to analyze the cost-benefit relationship of this habit!

    This isnt my orginal idea, i got it from David D. Burns who is a psychiatrist and was an professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Stanford University.

    In his new book "feeling great" he talks about how a person who wants to change often is not able to change because of something he calls (therapeutic) resistance to change.

    This idea basically describes conscious or subconscious thoughts that keep a person from commiting to change.

    Anyway one method he uses to work on addicitons is the mentioned analysis of the cost-bebefit relationship of said addiciton.
    He has a couple of examples specifically for porn-addiction actually, but i am still wondering if you can come up with more answers to the question:

    What are some benefits of a porn addiciton?
    Examples:

    1. Internet porn can be incredibly exciting.
    2. It’s available any time you’re horny.
    3. It’s free if you avoid paid sites or services.
    4. It’s quick and easy.
    5. You don’t have to get entangled with other people in acting out your sexual
    fantasies. That could be disturbing or dangerous.
    6. You can indulge any conceivable fantasy you have.
    7. You won’t be judged.
    8. You can watch attractive, sexy people doing wild and exciting things.
    9. You can feel normal, since millions of people are probably doing the exact same
    thing as you, even though they usually don’t talk about it.
    10. You will have a convenient sexual outlet, especially if you’ve had trouble
    developing a good sexual relationship with someone you love.
    11. It’s anonymous.

    Thanks in advance!

    (The addiciton part of his book with methods to work on addicitons, is actually available for free on the feelinggood.com-homepage if you scroll down completely to the bottom)

    Hey this is an edit: I should have made it more clear, that i am in no way trying to advocate for porn or PMO. My motivation was to understand what brings me back to it, despite myself knowing that it has already caused a lot of suffering in my life.
    I am trying to grow from this and not to argue for a relapse :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2021
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  2. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Most of those advantages you have listed are actually the reason there is such a big problem today.

    What about the disadvantages?

    1. It can cause chronic addiction.
    2. It can cause mental health problems.
    3. It can cause sexual dysfunctions.
    4. It can cause you to isolate yourself.
    5. It can prevent you from developing social skills.
    6. It can prevent you from seeking and engaging with the opposite sex.
    7. It can mess up your motivation.
    8. It can stop you from enjoying many other things in life.

    The list goes on.

    High speed internet is actually what has caused all the problems we see today. Having porn and artificial sexual stimulation on demand, at high speed.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I did my list at the end of a journal post here. I don't know if that's the kind of thing you are after @frere, I did it more about my porn use, rather than my porn addiction.
     
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  4. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Puzzled. :confused: Your example shows no costs, only benefits.
     
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  5. AmazingBulk

    AmazingBulk Fapstronaut

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    There are no advantages to pornography. As a matter of fact some of these so called advantages are flat out lies.

    “You will have a convenient sexual outlet, especially if you’ve had trouble developing sexual relationships with the one you love”
    ....... cmon man your smarter then that. This David d burns fella sounds like a fraud in my humble opinion. Who knows maybe I’m wrong for thinking we are capable changing. But I’m sure as shit not gonna take your or this psychiatrist word for it. I’m actually quite offended this dude would suggest anything of the sort.

    Matt Fradd “the porn myth” read it.
     
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  6. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    @IGY you are absolutely right, i wouldnt be on this forum if i only saw the so called benefits of porn. I decided to not include them because they were way more easily to see! I was struggeling to find "positive" sides to it, and thats why i decided to ask this question :)

    @AmazingBulk i know that this thread was going to get a bit controversial and i expected answers like yours! Even i was irritated by his perspective to find positives about this addiciton taht has caused so much suffering to my mental health, but at a second look i understood his idea. It isnt really about knowing the benefits of this addiciton, but more about the sub-conscious, hidden motivations that keep so many people, including me, struggeling on this journey. And i think knowing about what keeps you struggeling, besides from chemical and hormonal incentives, can really help with quitting.

    I wasnt trying to advocate for porn but to help myself understand hidden motivations behind porn use, in order to use this information to change! I hope this clears things up a bit :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
  7. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    @kropo82 hey thanks for your list and comment! Thats exactly what i was looking for! Just 100% honest, no self-bullshitting motivations! Thank you :) I relate to a lot of your points and got some nice insights from it!
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
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  8. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    For example what i realized when i was doing this analysis was that almost all benefits are short-term and almost all disadvantages are long term. Most people tend to prefer short-term reward over long-term rewards. This helps me to keep in mind, that staying of PMO will give me even greater gratification in the future
     
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  9. AmazingBulk

    AmazingBulk Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for coming off a bit harsh I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad or anything. I’m all for different perspectives I really am. That aggression is kind of coming back a little bit so I saw the post and had an instant reaction lol.

    It is important to be able to understand the other side of argument because most people think it’s just part of the norm now a days. I kinda consider myself a bit more of a severe case so I do get butthurt quicker then most.
     
  10. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    all of those advantages are all fake advantages, its delusional ... nothing to do with actual life experience

    its like watching jackie chan movie or joe taslim for a period of time and feel like you insta become a martial art master ...its just happen in your head, in real life u cant become martial art master just because u watch martial art movie

    its dumb ngl
     
  11. Capt_Zero

    Capt_Zero Fapstronaut

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    I was once in the same mindset like how you are now, “well there are some benefits to p***...” and the list goes on. I find myself using that excuse in my head to relapse and then just feel like shit afterwards.

    I don’t know if you’ve read my post but if you haven’t check it out sometime. I lost my fiancé due to my addiction and all that if left me was loneliness and no more support system. I won’t say that your idea is bad but I implore you to really think about what’s the issue and why there are so many people here on this site trying to get better or ask for help.

    I’ll be honest, to each their own but I’m looking for improve and so are others. I hope that one day you are on the same road to recovery.
     
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  12. salmandogo

    salmandogo New Fapstronaut

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    I 100% agree with you. this is the plane truth and that's why watching porn needs to be minimized
     
  13. Caminante

    Caminante Fapstronaut

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    Estoy de acuerdo, algo ganas al hacer P. Que nadie va a tu casa con una pistola para que te conectes. Me parece un punto de vista interesante para mirarlo. Y para reflexionar. Pero podemos darle la vuelta al asunto. Si uno es capaz de darse cuenta de lo que gana y hacerlo de otra manera para conseguir lo mismo pero de otra forma.
    Ejemplo :1. Puede ser increíblemente excitante.
    1. De qué manera puedo hacer que mi vida sea increíblemente excitante sin P?
    Buscar una cita, un trío, una orgia, hacer puenting... Etc
     
  14. It's one of good ways to deal with PMO, though. Listing "benefits" of porn shows you where your lacks of judgements lie. We all know how non-beneficial porn is, but sometimes we stick to it because of its "benefits", so, to some people, listing them sheds some light on the danger zones.

    You can go then a step further and try to reduce those "benefits" into absurds, like OCD people do.

    Good call!
     
  15. You state that your goal is to understand why you are addicted to porn. Then you begin by analzying porn. I have a suggestion - maybe porn is not the thing you should be investigating. Maybe you should take a look at yourself. In my opinion, the cause for our addiction has nothing to do with porn, but with us.

    But I applaud you for acknowledging some of the benefits of porn. If there were no benefits, no one would use it. Even if the benefits are as simple as "it's fun."

    And I honestly think it's funny how people are reacting very strongly to your post because they don't want to admit there are any advantages to watching porn. They are not being honest with you and they are not being honest with themselves.

    They are calling you delusional, saying you're making excuses. But I think they're afraid to admit that there are benefits to watching porn. You are motivated by curiosity, while others are motivated by fear and shame. I hope you keep investigating your reasons for being addicted to porn with an attitude of curiosity, because with that mindset I'm sure you will find the answers you are looking for. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2021
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  16. ElderStatesman

    ElderStatesman Fapstronaut

    I see tons of discussion on huge variety of thoughts and topics on these forums. A question I like to come back to to is: Okay, now what?

    I think about my actual behavior. There’s a lot to work through in addictions, and considering all kinds of aspects is important. Is it possible, though, that in the ultimate goal you can’t think your way out of this. Or at least not only that way. Perhaps I need a huge resistance built on a powerful emotional, some might add spiritual, foundation.

    Not sure how much it benefits me to think about all the attractions of sex, a force of nature I’m already hard wired to beyond anything except perhaps getting enough food and water so I don’t die in short time.

    Focusing on my behavior is another matter. It is what I can control despite how many lies I might tell myself I can’t or that it’s not worth it.
     
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  17. j.albers

    j.albers Fapstronaut

    I don’t read the list @frere has made as being positive traits. To me they’re statements about online pornography and don’t really have a good or bad value. @Fallacious D is right, it has to do with us; the positive or negative value we give it depends on how it has interacted with our lives.

    I bet I would have experienced those traits more positively had I discovered online pornography in my early thirties than in my early teens. Or if I grew up in a family more open to discussing sexuality and healthy sexual boundaries.
     
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  18. fg4795

    fg4795 Fapstronaut

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    Now, I understand the reasons why you're doing it. And I read you know it's short term.
    So don't read this as criticism. Let me be your "cost analyzer" on a couple of things.
    True. Still:
    You know in the past I used to be a "bad guy". Many friends left me.
    Do you know who was the only real person that was always there for me whenever I call him?
    My drug dealer.
    Yep. Still:
    Everything's free if you don't pay for it.
    Travelling is free, if you walk. Not saying you should pay for porn, because otherwise it would be low quality and short.
    But money can't be part of the equation.
    Otherwise you will go to illegal free sites.
    And at that point, I can argue with you that also clothing is free. If you steal it and avoid the jail.
    The concept of sexual activity itself is meant to be shared with other people.
    If you're not willing to do it. Then it is your mind that it is trying to tell you something.
    Bold of you to tell this on a forum called "Nofap" ahahah.
    I sincerely like your courage.
    Like above, if you need to think that milions of people are doing it for feeling better in the end maybe you're not really willing to do it.
    You're not IT, are you?:D:D




    Again, this is meant to help you in the cost analysis. Not to criticize any of your point.
    But instead to see them from a different light.
    Because is true what they said above me.
    We're here because there was something we loved about porn, and only discussing why we loved it so much that maybe we will be able to undestand how to stop it :)
     
  19. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    Hey thanks everyone for chipping in! I really love to see everyone sharing their perspective and opinion! I would describe myself as a person who loves to think things through and to reflect on my life/ behaviour and saw this post as a way to get more insight into myself :)

    I would say that a lot of times before relapsing i have a somewhat similiar monologue in my head as this post has created. There are some fake advantages, that may seem like they give you something positive and they somehow are able to override the voices telling me to stay awy from PMO and the more rational and fulfilling reasons to quit. I think that paradoxically this post will be a picture i have in my head, that visualizes the struggle in my head quite perfectly! :)
     
  20. frere

    frere Fapstronaut

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    @hollyman i am completely on your side! After relapsing the mirror falls and you realize PMO and its advantages are an illusion, thats exactly what i am trying to deeply comprehend and to see before relapsing, even when the biggest urges hit me :)
     
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