A little question from a beginner

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by mimickxd, May 31, 2019.

  1. mimickxd

    mimickxd Fapstronaut

    7
    3
    3
    Hi,
    I wanted to ask one thing about nofap in relationship.
    I totally new into this subject and community. I just read lots of articles, forum's threads etc. Sorry if my questions sound dumb, newbie's syndrome.
    I decided to do the nofap challenge out of curiosity. Meanwhile I got (again in my life) interested in training kegels, semen retention etc.
    Here I need to mention that my "PMO habbit" is more or less mental, as I have never head PIED or intercourse problems (maybe apart from visualizing some hot stuff, just really rarely), I lived with a lady for a few years so I'm pretty sure about that.
    Now, going to my question - if I try nofap soft mode and have an intercourse with a lady, is it considered to be the reset? Also - if I e.g. have intercourse and slowly try to manage using kegels or try having dry orgasms, is it a reset?
    I started thinking about it because last week I had a few intercourses in 2 days (me and lady now live in different cities, so in case of meeting things just happen) but still managed to not finish due to kegels and breathing techniques (but it was more of an edging and relaxing then real dry orgasm).
    Officialy right now I'm at my 12 day of nofap, is it well counted or should I correct it?
    Thanks in advance :).
     
  2. Welcome to the community.
    Some couples go the route of no PM but still O together. It is usually something the couple decides on together.
     
  3. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    i would recommend reading the ebook nofap published. its free and can be accessed here: there it answers ur questions and more questions u never knew u were going to ask but might do in the future: https://www.nofap.com/getting-started/
     
  4. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    also congrats on 12 days! keep going.
     
  5. mimickxd

    mimickxd Fapstronaut

    7
    3
    3
    Oh, but I did actually :) just after writing this thread.

    Correct me please but I haven't found much info about edging etc. in that pdf? Is it OK to perform edging (e.g. during intercourse in hard mode)?

    And to continue with my questions from the beginning -> if a dry orgasm (with semen retention) occurs, is it an end to hard mode? As in hard mode we expect no orgasm at all?

    Thanks, good luck to you too :).
     
  6. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    im not 100% sure but hard mode is meant to be complete rewire without porn, masturbating, or orgasms. and edging can be considered masturbating as u are stimulating ur private area. it would be fine if it was the other modes but for hardmode, as far as i am aware it would be considered a relapse. but before resetting i would wait for others opinions or try the easy or standard mode.
     
  7. mimickxd

    mimickxd Fapstronaut

    7
    3
    3
    Well, apart from mentioned intercourses without "grand finale", I've had hard mode since mentioned beginning. If this is considered a relapse->reset, then probably it will be impossible for me to maintain constant hard mode at all. My problems are one thing but my lady has her own needs and during this short time we meet I cannot be such an egoist ^^.
     
  8. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    if u find the hardmode to hard, i would try the standard mode. which is no porn or self-masturbation. this means u can still orgasm with ur partner. and if u are successfull with this for about 30-60 days, u can try the hardmode. but dont have sex everyday try and limit it atleast.

    u could have sex once a week or once every 2 weeks. this means u are craving the stimulation and orgasm so that when u come to the sexual activity u will slowly but surely start to enjoy it and keep a hard one. but id 100% start by trying another mode and then if u feel its too easy or not working as fast as u hoped try the hardmode and make sure to communicate with ur partner and if she does not support it, she does not deserve u
     
  9. mimickxd

    mimickxd Fapstronaut

    7
    3
    3
    Hmm, but now I do have sex maybe 1 day in 2-3 weeks due to living far away from each other because of new job of mine.
    She does. The thing is, if you are in a relationship, you have to think not only about yourself but also (even if only a little bit) about your partner. And if I decide to not have orgasm for e.g. 90 days, then OK, it's my decision. But why should she also be in celibate because of my decision.. right? Well, that's my point of you, you may disagree :).
    I will also wait for other opinions :).
     
  10. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    I see a relationship as u and ur partner doing things together and when one of u are in need the other helps. As u said u don’t want to make her suffer because of ur decision, but the thing is if you want to not have sex it’s a negative on her, but it u do have sex with her it’s a negative for u and a positive for her.

    So what u are saying is she is the one gaining from it and not u, but if u never had sex u are gaining and she isn’t, you see where I coming from?

    I would say try the standard mode as it can still help a rewire and as long as u don’t do it too often. Like u said u would have sex once ever 2-3 weeks which is perfect, because it still allows u both to get the positives. Hard mode is for very serious situations that want to Be turned as quick as possible but can still be obtained with standard mode but may take longer but orgasming once ever 2-3 weeks is fine and will still work
     
  11. mimickxd

    mimickxd Fapstronaut

    7
    3
    3
    No, I don't, more that that, I see things in your logic that are bugging me. You are simply suggesting to ignore her needs, so to make her suffer, only because I (probably) will gain that way. So.. to make my positive, I shall make her a negative. That is what I'd call a big relationship misunderstanding. If i ask her about it, she will be celibate with me. I just don't want her to sacrifice anything just because I may have a problem.

    On the other hand you suggest that me having sex with her is a negative for me. Well, never in my life have I seen my intercourses as negative. I simply enjoy them :p.

    Last one was a joke. You see, this problem is exactly why I started asking questions in the first place - to find a golden mean. While I'm alone, I just focus on other things to maintain my streak but for those few days that I am with her, I want to maintain both my streak and also please her.

    Well, I will stick mentally to the idea of Soft, if what you say about edging is true. I hope that it would be enough for me to see some results :).
    I don't know, maybe it is lame what I'm thinking, but there should be something between Soft and Hard, because Hard means celibacy, Soft means having sex, orgasm during sex etc., and what about all those people like me, that don't release and don't orgasm.
     
  12. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

    28
    25
    13
    what i meant by u having sex is a negative i mean because u are trying to do the hard mode of NoFap that it will reset ur counter if u have sex and orgasm.

    ur needs of not orgasming will be met but her needs for sex wont and the other way around, ur needs for not orgasming will not be met to better ur life but her needs of sex will be met,

    standard mode will be fine for u if u want to have sex or even u can still stimulate her through sex but just u dont have to use ur dick, so like finger her or eat her out
     

Share This Page