Am I crazy?

Day 16
I am not used to so much confidence. I have rebooted for more than 5 months without mo and more than 3 months without PMO. I relapsed one day after that because I could not handled it well.Many small streaks after that. I know there comes the point where I smile for no reason and I do not know how to handle it. It is like going crazy or something. Not understanding the benefits and sometime getting overwhelmed by them caused me to break many successful streaks in past. When I was in college or when I was employed I spent months without PMO easily.But now I am at home most of the time it will change soon as I am looking for a job.. Now I am asking this because it is like two months without MO and two weeks without PMO. I do not know how to handle these so called powers. Yesterday I attended a wedding and I was like so confident and got so much attention from girls and ladies. I am fat and dark colored. I do not know how it works and when I can not bear the cross, I had relapsed after good streaks.
I am little bit upset about other aspects of life and working on to change them into something better. I am not focusing on relationship, being single works for me. I will decide about it later.But can you please answer how to deal with benefits when people considered you shy and little bit obedient or submissive( I do not know a better word for going with others plans without having my own opinion). Now I feel like a divine entity or something. I feel happy but do not know why. this rebooting stuff is mysterious but can transform men into gods.
okay that was exaggeration but please guide me....this phase is awesome I just want to know how to handle it. I want to be humble so I can go for year without PMO.

 

Thank you! That is so deep. But still can you tell how to use those gained benefits in a progressive way? I do exercise with that extra energy. That is one thing. I study( not everyday till today) so there also this awareness helps. But how to handle that attention when I never got any in past? It is new to me. I really want to know about how to keep myself calm and grounded in such situations. Urges are strong these days.what kind of true test? Please guide me so I can prepare for it. Be blessed.

 

Yes exactly. Girls look at me but I am not financially in a position to date someone now. I think every girl deserve a good human being and now I am in a recovery phase of porn addiction. So I get clues but I do not want to act on it. But what I mentioned about that wedding, even I do not want to wander like that with that much confidence. I am humble I want to keep it like that in a positive way. How to handle it?