Ill start by saying that I am so sorry for the lack of empathy my choices have shown to all of you. To the man I most recently hurt I would like to say how much I enjoyed getting to know you and that you truly are such a genuine and honest person that it physically took my breath away. The time we spent talking into all hours of the night were wonderful and it is my fault that it fell apart. It is always my obsession and chronic addiction that has caused you so much pain. If I’d started off telling you about my marriage would that have redirected the outcome? Would we have found ourselves years later joking over the odd beginning of a true friendship? I don’t know because I took advantage of your trust, I played you and I am so fucking sorry that you had to spend your evening feeling more alone than you already felt when we first met. To the men whom I traded hundreds of hours and countless naked pictures with I am ashamed of my behavior which did nothing to bring you actual connection. My behavior only further cemented the sickness of addiction and I take full responsibility for that. To the dudes whose lives and moments I’ve gorged myself on in my most shameful and dark days, at the urinals of so many disgusting public restrooms or in the chat rooms night after night-you deserve so much more than what I gave to you. All of you do because you are amazing people who are struggling to find connections in a world that offers so many things at the push of a button yet leave us all feeling slightly sick from overindulgence. I am so sorry for the ways I used you and am ashamed at the ways I let my addiction and obsession take whole bites of your soul. Forgive me for the fact that I saw you not as brothers but as commodities as slashes on a rap sheet. You are not these things you are so much more than bodies or experiences you are me and I had no right to treat you like anything but the beautiful embodiment of divine love that you truly are! I know it doesn’t mean anything but I am so very sorry at the pain and abuse my addictions have brought into your life.