reboot_8716
Fapstronaut
i have strong urges to that I’m having a really hard time shaking. I’ve always had a really strong interest in BDSM - and not just the light stuff like furry cuffs but the whole “dungeon” scenario with lots of kinks - but my wife couldn’t be more opposite. She has low sex drive, experiences pain during sex and told me she basically never thinks about it.
I feel really bad and uncomfortable asking her to do those things for me given I know how uninterested she is - and to be honest, the fantasy doesn’t work unless both partners are pretty into it. But in some corners of the internet people talk about sex positivity and that shaming yourself for liking these things is really wrong, and even suggest that an outlet in some relationships is for the person with a kink to go to a professional dominatrix. The debate is always if this is “cheating” since there’s no sexual acts performed, but to me it still feels deceptive. I’m struggling if I just tell her how I’m feeling and that I have the urge but don’t have the courage to act on it, or if I just keep it to myself because by telling her I’m burdening her with the thought she can’t satisfy me. And this is just one part of a relationship by no means all so I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t the right life partner for me.
Curious if anyone else has gone to these services and how they felt about it, or what people have done in similar dilemmas. I feel like I have two options - double down and accept I like kink and find ways to explore it on my own while remaining faithful (buying outfits just for me to wear when I’m alone, reading books, going to sex expos, etc) OR I could see if being celibate for a while expels the thoughts or makes me at least able to live with the fact I’ll never be able to experience that.
I feel really bad and uncomfortable asking her to do those things for me given I know how uninterested she is - and to be honest, the fantasy doesn’t work unless both partners are pretty into it. But in some corners of the internet people talk about sex positivity and that shaming yourself for liking these things is really wrong, and even suggest that an outlet in some relationships is for the person with a kink to go to a professional dominatrix. The debate is always if this is “cheating” since there’s no sexual acts performed, but to me it still feels deceptive. I’m struggling if I just tell her how I’m feeling and that I have the urge but don’t have the courage to act on it, or if I just keep it to myself because by telling her I’m burdening her with the thought she can’t satisfy me. And this is just one part of a relationship by no means all so I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t the right life partner for me.
Curious if anyone else has gone to these services and how they felt about it, or what people have done in similar dilemmas. I feel like I have two options - double down and accept I like kink and find ways to explore it on my own while remaining faithful (buying outfits just for me to wear when I’m alone, reading books, going to sex expos, etc) OR I could see if being celibate for a while expels the thoughts or makes me at least able to live with the fact I’ll never be able to experience that.