BEAT YOUR LONGEST STREAK

33/33

Ι beat it guys!
Its a big win. But the war isn't over yet.
I don't wanna anymore solve my boredom or loneliness with porn. I don't wanna objectify the girls anymore. Porn had destroyed my brain and filled me with anxiety. I am trying to build a new mindset, to become less depressive, to be happy with the daily things and maybe find a simple nice girl when an opportunity comes.

Its a massive win. I overcame my longest streak. But i want to continue. Now every new day is a new personal best. I believe i can improve much more. I continue strong.

Good luck guys!

 

Day 1 of 27

 

Day 2 of 27

 

16/90

 

18/90

 

19/90

 

0/90 Just reset. It was a powerful and impulsive urge that literally came out of nowhere, I felt like about 25% of my brain wanted to fight and hold on, come to the forums and write about it, call for help, anything, and 75% of brain wanted what it wanted. I feel very disappointed in breaking my streak of 19 days complete. Almost up to three weeks and I was feeling good. Now I feel a little depressed and like I have no self-control. I don't plan on binging, I plan on doubling down on my efforts of recovery. It's almost funny the lies and false-logic that the weak side of your brain tells you (and that you fall for!) when those urges hit. This experience is making me doubt if I'll ever be in control again :/

 

I know I had a rough work week, it ran me ragged. My exhaustion could have been a contributing factor to giving into the impulsive urges but I'm not sure what I could have done differently about that. I was also forced to break from my exercise for a week because of an injury, that could have played a role in why I felt so helpless when the urge came but honestly, I thought I was doing great right up until it happened. I felt strong and in good spirits. I'm looking at other things as well: what entertainment, music and media I've been consuming leading up to the relapse, conversations with people, attitudes I've been nurturing or neglecting etc. Not in a superstitious way (I'm saying this because it's an easy thing to do, to make false correlations is human nature), I'm not making any absolute conclusions that one thing led to the other, but I'm taking notes as best I can and willing to try different approaches in as systematic and logical way as I can. For example, is it possible that listening to a new band's record repeatedly has affected my consciousness negatively where I previously had strength and now feel less so? We know art has power to inspire but we don't often talk about it's ability to discourage or depress. What we're consuming matters, what we allow ourselves to think matters, what we read, how we get our inspiration, as we've had conversations about before. Again, there may be little we can do in those fleeting moments leading up to the relapse, it may be true that we have little or no choice then, but I believe there are many choices we can make days and weeks before it ever happens: Getting as much sleep as possible. Being the guardian and conscious director of our thoughts. What foods are we taking in? Have we turned a once-in-a-while snack into a continuous bad habit? Have we built strong attitudes and positive thought patterns, affirming and re-affirming them every day? Are we consciously creating ourselves into the men that we know we want to be through our deliberate thoughts and actions?

There are degrees of how disciplined we can be in life, ranging from not at all to reasonably to very strict and I think that there is a very positive correlation between how healthy we are in mind and body to how well we do in recovering form an addiction as treacherous as this. It sounds like you and I are both doing reasonably well with our disciplines in life currently, eating more nutritious, strength training, working on training our thoughts and being mindful of what we consume in general. And I think that even though it's disappointing to fall once in a while, our nofap journey is likewise going reasonably well, for example comparing the number of days we spend indulging PMO (for you MO) vs the number of days we are successfully abstaining, we're actually doing really good. We want to leave it behind us for good, but that might not be an entirely reasonably expectation at this point. Are our other disciplines in life that stringent? Do we want them to be? Personally yes, I want to have a very firm control over these aspects of my life but I'm not quite sure how to make the jump from here to there yet. I've been eating a lot better but can I achieve dietary sainthood? You know, zero sugars, zero greasy foods, always eating the perfect amount of calories of exactly the right things? I want it but it seems far off to me right now. But it can be helpful to imagine it. It can be helpful to visualize what would life look like if I were in control of my thoughts more? What would it look like to set my dietary intention and stick to it 100 percent? If you want to make difficult changes in life, a great start is to cultivate it first in your minds eye. In this way you can deal with the challenges before they come up and you can resize the challenges from overgrown, overwhelming monsters into realistic challenges that are actually reasonably easy to handle. That's the power of focus and it's a great skill to cultivate because it also reaffirms to ourselves that nearly anything in life is possible so one success actually leads to another on multiple levels, one aspect of life is strengthened so another has more chance for success, but also the confidence and realization that nothing is outside of our control if we prepare ourselves for it and do the appropriate training.

 

0/99 Last night was my last pmo so I'm almost at day 1. I'm done messing around with it and I'm ready to start living at my best.