Being afraid of women.

I say just keep up the good attitude and keep trying! I know that once I recovery I'll be able to talk to girls a whole lot easier!

 

Remember that girls are human beings, like you and me. We all have the tendency to place on a pedestal. Besides, this belief that girls do not go out with nice guys is complete nonsense. However, when talking to a girl, you have to be blatantly honest about your intentions and be confident, otherwise you'll get friendzoned. You could introduce yourself by saying, for e.g, " I just saw you and thought you are beautiful. So, hi, I'm .......". You might get rejected a lot but once you find a girl that is interested in you, trust me, all these rejections will be worthwhile. You could watch simple pickup's videos on youtube( only the videos on pick up and not the interviews.) This fear that you talk about will not go away like that. I too used to be afraid when having to engage in convos with cute girls. The only way to eradicate that fear is by talking to a lot of girls and forcing yourself to appear confident until confidence comes naturally. Remember that you will get rejected a lot but there is no guy in this World that never gets rejected by any girl. The more you get rejected, the more confident and at ease you get. This will help you, not only in relationship, but in your social life.

 

Hi

It is a shame that you have grown up in a world that separates men from women, boys from girls. It is a shame that media bombardment along with our own peer pressure we are made to believe that only 1 sort of relationship can exist, that there is only one perfect couple.

Looks like you are realising that this is all bullshit. My respect to you for that. It is time to throw away all those preconceived ideas, prejudices and lies that have been told to you.

As vik17 said, girls are human too. They are exactly like you. They suffer the same pressures, the same insecurities, get told the same lies. They are SO exactly like you that they share the same loves, the same hates, the same interests. Well, at least some of them do. And you share some of their interests. Meeting a girl, having a girlfriend, getting married, all of that has absolutely nothing to do with making out or sex or anything like that. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Meeting a girl, having a girlfriend, getting married is all about making a friend. Friends have things in common - they like the same things, they believe in the same things, they think alike, they have fun together, they laugh together, they support each other, they respect each other. That is what having a girlfriend is all about. All that kissing and touching and making out - all of that is just something else you do to have fun and show each other that you like each other. It isn't the beginning of what having a gf is - it is the final part of the equation.

So my advice to you is find a friend - a friend who could also be a girlfriend. If you end up in the "friend-zone" then what do you have? You have a friend. A very precious thing. And.... she will be a friend with OTHER friends, one of whom could be your girlfriend.

Respect yourself. Respect others. That way others will respect you.

Good luck!

 

quit thinking like a loser. You are not a loser, you are a Man. You are afraid of being a creep- this is childish and silly. The only thing to fear is fear itself- likewise, the only thing that makes moments creepy or awkward is the thought itself. There is literally nothing you can do to make yourself creepy accept be incessantly insecure with yourself. Girls only say guys are being creepy when they broach the same topic over and over that a girl has clearly signified that she doesn't want to talk about. Or noticeably stalks them. You will not do this because it is not in your character.

You are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Want to feel pumped? Do some push ups. This will give you confidence. Go walk or run. The next time you talk to a girl you dont know, take another one of your friends with you to help make you feel comfortable. Remember it is ok to feel nervous. Everyone gets nervous. Then when you start talking ask the girl a couple of questions about themselves, what they do, what they want to do, what makes them passionate, that type of stuff, and let them do the talking. That is literally all you need to do. They will tell you everything about themselves, and they will really like you for it.

You are a nerd, so maybe you will be able to appreciate this quote. It is from the greatest Sci-Fi book of all time:

 

Perusan, just wanted to thank you for your post, as it really is truly excellent. I really get annoyed at the "friendzone" stuff. I think it's immature. If anyone is worried about being "friendzoned", then maybe you should start thinking of women as people rather than objects for your pleasure. If you like a girl enough to want her as a girlfriend, then you should easily like her enough to accept her as just a friend.

 

All I can say it be yourself but try to get into conversation when you are out with your friends a they hang around a bunch of girls.It might not work the first time you try but the more you are out and about and you get yourself in social situtations the more you will be open and think about interesting conversations to bring up when you are around girls.Dont be afriad of rejections I have gotten before it doesnt feel nice but its not the end of the world.I have been in your situtation before shy,awkward,anti-social etc,things change life changes so once you stay postive good things will always happen.Good luck !!!

 

Some great advice has already been posted in this thread. There is just one thing I will add to it. Social skills aren't something any of us are born with, they are learned behaviours. The best way to learn something is by DOING IT. If you want to have the social skills to communicate with the woman of your dreams when you meet her, the best way to develop them is to practice NOW.

A great way to go about it is to talk to women you aren't going to date. Believe it or not, there are women out there who are paid to talk to you. No, I'm not talking about escorts, but just ordinary girls. Seriously, the next time you're at the supermarket, take a few seconds and talk to the girl who's scanning your groceries. Make some small talk. Ask her how her day has been. Take an interest. By doing this, you'll learn that there's nothing scary here. Nothing bad will happen.

Granted, you might encounter the odd one who isn't in the mood to talk to you, but even then you'll learn that rejection isn't the end of the world and doesn't have to ruin your day. The practical upshot of all this is that when you finally meet that woman you've been dying to meet forever, the one who shares your love of nerdy things (they do exist), you'll have the skills to talk to her like it's the most natural thing in the world.

 

This is excellent advice. Practise, not only talking to women socially, but also practise what it is like being able to talk socially to anyone. Practise expressing yourself a small bit at a time.

You are a very thoughtful, mature, polite and genuinely nice person. How do we know that? Because YOU approached a forum full of strangers, expressed yourself, people replied, you replied, we all chatted. You may think doing it face to face is different, but what is inside you is no different and it is that which we all respond to.

Good luck.

 

before my addiction i had really beautiful girlfriends. i was very funny. girls like to laugh and to be entertained. i was not a clown - if the situation demanded it i was very serious.

watching porn changed my whole view towards women. now i see them like sexobjects and not like human beings. with every scene i watched i smashed the gentleman in me.

i am not afraid of women but i have no respect towards them (i see a slut in every women).

after years of watching porn movies and visiting hookers i am extrem spoiled (a pervert zombie).

i hope i can change my personality and become a healthy person again.

i know this is going to be a long process.

 

I haven't read all the posts so maybe i'm repeating. But I think this idea that you should be able to pick up random women a bit absurd. How superficial is this idea of women if you can 'win' them over in a first conversation. I'm not saying it is impossible. I have several friends that pick up women all the time, but those are the guys that have troubles with long term relationships and that doesn't surprise me. If you go in with this second motive (making somebody (who you don't know at all) like you) the love expires after you succeed. There is a chance that you turn out to like each other, but why would you leave that up to chance?

Judging by your post you're not one of those guys. What you should try to do (I think, I have the same troubles as you) is first of all doing in life what you can/like best. Then when you get in a conversation you can talk about what you are doing. You can't fake this honesty of what you think is important. The problem with a lot of people on NoFap, I think, is that we lost our interest in ourselves by not caring what we do and just PMO all day. If you don't like yourself, why should any women like you?

 

Your answer lies in your OWN poster..
I suggest that you visit RSDTyler https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler and RSDMax https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDMaximilian for pickup advices + they both have tons of videos on infield game and in every Max video he gives infield example of his advice.
Also check their site - http://www.rsdnation.com/ and also its not run by those 2 people but by many more RSD Members(rsd= Real Social Dynamics)

If you want shoot me a PM with your skype and i think i can help you too.
Also i suggest that you don't take seriously most of the posts cause they can be bad, but instead watch a guy that WORKS in this field a.k.a pickup.

 

Firstly Zyzz recommendation for RSD is excellent. I have been through his stuff. if you follow it you will have no problems picking up girls.
Second, our addiction often brings self loathing hence your fear of appearing like a creep. You need to learn love yourself before you can love another. How is anyone else meant to love you if you don't love yourself??
I'm not very religious but here is a quote is i think often miss used 'love your neighbour as yourself' you will find when you learn to love yourself you are more open and less afraid. Read Love yourself like your life depends on it - i also found this incredibly helpful in fighting my addiction.

 

I find masturbation helps me to see females as people rather than sex relievers. By taking the pressure off, I can think more clearly and be at least somewhat gender-neutral. I just don't make a connection between the women in porn and the ones I see irl. I don't know how this will be impacted by cutting down on masturbation but I guess it won't hurt to experiment.

 

The problem here seems to be that you need to masturbate to actually see them as people. I'm reading from your post (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that your default position seems to be to see them as sex relievers first, and only as people later. That's not cool. I think you need to start thinking about getting rid of the porn completely, then looking at it from another point of view.

 

Poor choice of words on my part. When it comes to genders, I'm very idealistically egalitarian. I treat males and females as equal, and try to be reasonably gender-blind in my interactions. But those inbuilt urges get in the way of that because I start seeing random women in a sexual way, which I don't find acceptable. My way of dealing with that is masturbation, and I can't imagine doing that without some kind of stimulation, i.e. porn. Is it possible or typical to not get aroused by people of your sexual preference that you find attractive, if you don't allow yourself sexual relief? Doesn't that take monk-like purity?

 

betamin there is no problem if it is only relief - like masturbation once a week (with or without porn).

but there is a problem if it is obsession - watching porn every day for several hours and fapping every day twice or more.

lots of people here are really addicted (like me). so i cant watch porn only for 30 minutes per week. i know i would fall into my old cycle.

so i must be a monk for a long period and sex with a girlfriend is possible.

 

Zyzz's Witnesses, in my personal opinion your recommendation that NotALoserAnymore should ignore all the replies here, except yours and instead just follow the advice of a pick up artist is an insult. But then NoFap is a community of both mature and immature posters so I understand why life has perhaps not yet taught you how to respect others.

But, because you have done it and therefore find it acceptable, I would also advise NotALoseranymore to ignore your advise because it IS BAD advice. Portraying relationships as a game, a system, a contest, an art is insulting to both parties, is insincere, shortsighted, pathetic and rude.

In my opinion, anyone whose aim is just "to sleep with as many hot women as they can" (quoting from one of his videos) is as deluded and troubled as someone who spends as much time as possible sitting in a room alone fapping to online images. At least PMO addiction doesn't mess with people's emotions and risk other people's health.